Cha-Ching! The Insurance Companies Win?

So lemme see if I have this right... women are to wait until they are 50 for a mammogram, till 21 to have a pap smear, and all the research that showed otherwise is in the toilet?

Do you hear the wheels of the insurance industry crushing women's bones? Because I do.

Every woman, except one, I know who was diagnosed with breast cancer, was diagnosed in their early to mid 40's. Every one. And isn't pap smears about checking up after sexual activity starts? How many women do you know that waited until they were 21? Even in the "old days" that wasn't true.

And yet we have these recommendations, on the tail of restricted abortion access tagged onto the health care bill. But you can be sure, Viagra is still covered, 100%.

I find this appalling. Women's lives risked by profit margins. It doesn't matter how stunning your doctor is, how thoughtful, they will be tied by these rules. Don't worry- you can pay out of pocket for these procedures. Just like abortion has always been available to wealthy women.

Cha-Ching. The insurance companies win again.

A Few Pieces of Good Advice

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Happy Anniversary

I know, I know, I know. I've been away for a while. Partly, I needed a break after the loss in Maine. I needed to stop and think about where I am in my life, where I was heading and what the hell I was doing.

And the other part was that last Friday was my 19th anniversary. Yup, 19 years. Yup, on Friday the 13th. All I can say is the 13th was the only day the church was available. No, it's not the "real" anniversary- that would be march 2nd- but after a few years of not knowing when to celebrate, we decided to go with the legal marriage date.

Too confusing. But don't ever say to me I've only been married since 2004 because lemme tell you, every year counts.

I was inspired on very short notice to go and meet Jeanine. She was at a conference in San Francisco and I hated being apart on our day. It felt like 19 years deserved more than a phone call.

I was also inspired by a very very odd coincidence. On Thursday, the eve of our wedding anniversary which, by the way, is also Walter and Allan's as we had a double ceremony that included our vows to be a family, to raise the boys, Walter was walking by an antique shop in Jamaica Plain. He looked in the window and saw two pieces of glass that looked very familiar.

Remember the story about Don't Touch the Chihuly? You'd have to be a long time reader, mind you, but when my mother died, I inherited a great deal of her artwork. One piece was a beautiful piece of glass by Dale Chihuly. So beautiful, and so fragile, I had a cabinet built in my office for it. (Thanks, Donald!) For the first year it was here, you could hear me shouting to the kids, DON'T TOUCH THE CHIHULY! Now, they know better.

Well, it seems that the two pieces of glass Walter was looking at are almost an identical match to the Chihuly I have. He went in, found them marked at a ridiculously low price. He stayed cool, hemmed and hawed, eyed the signature, and negotiated an even lower price. He then put them on hold. He said he'd have to think about it.

What he did was to come to my house, compare the signature, found it identical, along with the series number and... went and bought his very own Chihuly for a price that would have made my mother proud.

Think about it... the eve of our wedding anniversary, and a piece of art that if he didn't know me, if my mother didn't have, he would never have realized was basically beyond an antiques roadshow find. Something about all that made me feel like my mother, who was pretty miserable at the wedding itself all those years ago, was trying to say something.

I heard celebrate.

I also heard that as hard as it's been at times, this crazy four way relationship Jeanine, Walter, Allan and I have, it's worth it. It's worth it because we are family. While my mother was alive, she was cautious about the whole deal but appreciated my belief that this was best for the kids.

As hard as it was for her, at the time, to get over her narcissistic injury that I had not told her about the wedding in a way she needed to hear it, I know she was amazed by the community we had around us.

I know deep down she was proud.

When Walter brought his find over to compare, and we all oooed and ahhhed over it, I knew I needed to do something.

I did.

Don't ask me what we did, because it won't pass the Weezie meter. Just know that I was gone, and gone in a really good way.

Happy anniversary, Jeanine. I still love you as much today as I did all those years ago. And I would marry you again in a heartbeat.

The Church of Equal

I've had a few hard days. News out of New Hampshire is looking like a referendum on marriage equality there. Maggie Gallagher grinning and smiling about the NOM win in Maine.

It makes me sick.

And disheartened. I feel like every step forward we have to fight for, fight over and over for.

Then my son handed me his weekly essay. I edit it for him. I started to cry when I read this. He was asked to write about a religion he would start. These are his words:



"If I could make my own religion, it would be called Equal. It would be called Equal because everyone would be equal with rights and responsibility. There will be no supreme lord that created everything, it would be created by everyone, in some way. Everyone will have power, also to be heard and listened to. When you go into a meeting house, it doesn't have to be on any particular day of the week, but when do you, you don't have to sing. You just talk about things going on and what you can do about it. Then you would just hang out and get to know people.

Equal would not only be about having people equal, but also getting to know people and help out with society. By that I mean helping out with community service, to be helpful in any way, that's because when you help other people it makes you feel good about yourself.

Equal will help you, if you are in need of help with problems in your family or just have problems in your life. If you had to insist on having a god, Equal believes in two gods- the god of luck and the god of misfortune. They have no names. Also, you can come from any background to join Equal, if you were from a Jewish family, Christian family, Muslim family, it doesn't matter. You can still believe in your background's religion- everyone has the right to be Equal.

Equal makes people feel equal, I may have said that but it really does. I would feel really different in a good way and that would happen to me. It just may work for you. I would recommend Equal for anyone who wants a change or wants to be the real person they are, because everyone has something in them that is held back, but with Equal you can let that part of you free! Equal can change you and I would recommend it to you.

Equal has the power to change the world- all you have to do is believe in yourself and Equal. It doesn't matter who you are, you will fit into Equal. Equal will be your guide in life and you won't regret it."

Tonight? I am so proud. No one can take this away from me, no vote, no bill, no legal court case.

Roundtable on Kalamazoo, Washington and Maine

If you want to hear me rant and rant more, go to Bilerico and listen to the roundtable.


Roundtable on Kalamazoo, Washington, and Maine's ballot initiatives

Down but Not Defeated

It's hard to think of what to say today. My heart is broken. I am exhausted and sick (literally and figuratively). I keep checking the Bangor News site to see the last of the numbers trickle in, hoping it gets closer.

It won't.

I'm proud of being involved with the campaign in Maine. I still love Maine. As I sit here and type, I can hear the buoys clanging in Perkins Cove. The leaves are mostly gone, and the sun is out.

It is still beautiful to me.

As devastating as this loss is, I am beyond grateful we won marriage in Massachusetts. We narrowly evaded having marriage go to a popular vote- and I believe we would have lost that vote if it had taken place. Even today, I have to wonder if we'd win, so many years later.

The rights of a minority should never be voted on by a popular vote. In the MA state constitution, that notion is very clear. Unfortunately, not every state has the same rules.

Today, I have to make dentist appointments for my kids. Zachary runs in a cross country meet today. Jake has to finish up a project for class and Ben will come home, eager to chat with his friends online. My life hasn't changed. No one can take my family away from me.

In the coming days, the campaign will be sliced and diced. I do think it's important to learn from it, but it makes me sick to see us turn on each other, as we did after California.

I am reminded that ten years ago, I never thought we'd see the day that marriage equality would even be considered in my lifetime. A day when I would be a part of 100 plus LGBT activists being welcomed to the White House, to watch a President sign the first ever LGBT positive bill.

And while we continue to be denied, in so many states, the very basic protections from job loss, housing discrimination, health care disparities, we have come far. Openly gay candidates were elected across the country yesterday. Each election is a few steps forward, a few steps back.

We cannot win every fight. We continue to learn, every time, more about how to move forward.

For me, I know the most powerful thing I can do is to continue to raise my family. To be out, every step of the way, proud and willing to have any conversation to help people understand better what it means to be a lesbian in this country.

What it means to be a second class citizen.

Because deep down, I believe people will do the right thing when they have direct contact with what they fear is so different. That it's not about sex but humanity. It's about love and respect. It's about valuing human beings, all human beings, equally.

We are all God's children, to quote a friend of mine. I don't think you have to believe in God to believe in the sentiment. Someday, this nation will understand that.

Someday soon.

But not today.

In York Maine Today: No on One!

My friend, and fellow board member of Mass Equality, Pete and I hit the road this morning to knock on doors. Specifically, we were in Kittery. The campaign was set up at the York Harbor Inn, and set up with incredible efficiency.

We signed in, were processed, and sent out with marching orders in less than fifteen minutes. Yes, this even included a brief training on how to approach folks.

The sun was out, the air crisp- it doesn't get any better than this for a voting day. We parked and set off in opposite directions. Most people were not home, but those who were were adamantly for No one One. It felt great. One elderly woman said to me, Betta believe I'm votin' no... Making my husband, too.

I think that's what has struck me the most about this campaign, here, in Maine. When I was in California for Prop 8, I didn't see any older, or elderly people. I have, over and over again here. Life long Mainers, who have an opinion and a strong one. Who are at the campaign headquarters, or driving around knocking on doors today, making calls, organizing food, coffee... it's stunning to see.

And they say that's the generation that needs to die off to get marriage equality. I say, come to Maine before you wish that.

So far? I have a very good feeling. The campaign is organized, stocked with volunteers, and running smoothly. It's a perfect day to vote.

I Got a Feeling

I drove up to Maine tonight. I'm ready to go tomorrow.

Mostly.

More Yes on One signs lined the roads. It was disappointing to see. When I walked in the door, the house was freezing, so I started a fire, and turned on the TV. Political ad after political ad. I've never seen anything like it.

Well, ok, last year's presidential election. But this is Maine.

I meet up with other Mass Equality folks tomorrow morning. We will be working in York county.

On the drive up, I heard the song by the Black Eyed Peas... I got a feeling.

And you know, I got a feeling.