Not Over

My father was in my dreams last night.

Around my children.

I kept screaming at him to go away.

He would not.

My kids were young- Jake barely two, Zach four and Ben six.

He wanted to help change Jake’s diapers. He tried to grab Zach to bounce him on his lap.

Ben kept running away.

I threw things at him. I was trying to get the kids ready for school. I was trying to get them away. Everywhere I turned, he was there. Talking about horrible things.

I didn’t know where Ben was. I grabbed Zachary and Jake and tried to run. They were so heavy. I could not find Ben. The school bus was coming. Was he in the road?

My father reached for me. In an instant, I was too small to fight back.

I want it all to be over.

It’s not.