Green, The New Black

Driving in the car with the boys, when they are not hitting each other, is a time rich with information. Ben and Zachary were discussing grillz last night.

Do you know who invented grillz? Ben asked.

No, who?

Flava Flave.

Who’s that?

I dunno, some guy. But all his teeth were gold. He was the trendsetter. The original.

Maybe he just had bad teeth. You know, maybe he never brushed them.

Seriously, Zack, it was about style.

I know that guy, Jake pipes in.

Jake hates being left out of a conversation and will find a way in, usually by parroting something he knows nothing about, no matter what the cost.

He invented grillz. Yeah. He did. I know him. Yeah.

Jake, you don’t know that, you don’t even know who he is, GOD.

Ben starts yelling which ultimately ends the conversation.

Ben is on top of style. He knows his fashion. Two years ago, at the age of nine, when Walter was decked out in his new orange coat, Ben informed us that green, not orange, was the new black. When he was three and we moved into a new house, he methodically set up his own bedroom, placing toys and stuffed animals artfully around the room. Don’t touch, Momma, he told me sternly when he was done. I wouldn’t dare.

And pop culture. People wonder why I know so much about pop culture. I live with a walking Teen People magazine.

MOM, did you know that Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton got into a catfight?

MOM, Madonna is like so old but she looks really great. Much better than you and you know, she’s even older than you. Maybe you should find out her beauty tips cuz your wrinkles are … you know… so there. You look... so old.

I can’t get the kid to read a book but put Tiger Beat in his hands and every word is memorized within an hour.

MOM, Kelly Clarkson is like, so old news… I mean, she’s like way over twenty years old. Rhianna is the new Kelly Clarkson.

Yeah, Rhianna is so cool and Kelly Clarkson is so not… Jake parrots. Prepare for impact.

JAKE, you don’t know ANYTHING…

Another rich information session cut short.