Tuesday, September 05, 2006

The Big, Red Easy

I have a button on my desk my kids bought for me. It’s big, red and says “easy” on it. It’s a gag from the Staple’s ad and when pressed, says, “That was easy.”

Today, I wish the button really worked.

I have left countless jobs. I never looked back. All day, I wanted it to be easy. Simple. Clear.

It isn’t.

Am I making a huge mistake? Is it really all my fault? Maybe, if I had just been a little more understanding… maybe if I was less demanding… maybe if I was willing to accept the new rules outlined and tried, at least tried, to be different…

And the words are so familiar. They are in my mother’s cadence, burrowed deep in my head. You don’t try enough, Sara. You don’t work hard enough. You only think of yourself.

I feel like a failure tonight.

Maybe that is the easy button after all.