Today's Song...

The song from the play, Annie, keeps going through my head.

The sun'll come out
Tomorrow
Bet your bottom dollar
That tomorrow
There'll be sun!

Just thinkin' about
Tomorrow
Clears away the cobwebs,
And the sorrow
'Til there's none!

When I'm stuck a day
That's gray,
And lonely,
I just stick out my chin
And Grin,
And Say,
Oh!

The sun'll come out
Tomorrow
So ya gotta hang on
'Til tomorrow
Come what may
Tomorrow! Tomorrow!
I love ya Tomorrow!
You're always
A day
A way!

Oh my god. Maybe I am manic.

Maybe it was sitting with Jake last night playing cards- Gin- while Ben and Zachary played Scrabble. We were all wiped out from the pool, fresh from showers and baths, in our jammies at 7PM, killing time until American Idol started.

Maybe it was Jake asleep in my arms, Zachary asleep leaning on my shoulder at the end of the show last night. Or how Ben whispered his thoughts on the last contestant, careful not to wake his brothers out of his own consciousness, not because I told him to be quiet.

Maybe it was falling asleep reading the book Allan gave me because I could not put it down. He and I share the same love of books and historical tales.

Maybe it’s that no one haunted my dreams last night.

But the song was the first thing on my mind this morning when Jake came in clutching his stuffed gorilla, asking me if I was awake.

I’m not one to ‘stick out my chin and grin.’ I tend to act like a first-born, clutching the wound and wailing at the indignity. Second born kids almost always shrug it off. I am the baby in my family of origin- some might say with a capital B. But I am also the first born from my birth mother. Like my son Jake, I carry both traits.

If there is one thing I am learning through this process, though, it is to remember every day is different. Some days, I am full of voice, stand my full height and can carry the world.

Some days, I cannot.

It’s not over yet.

And- because it is and, a holding together of many pieces- I can do it. It’s okay to cry. There will be days when I catch a flutter of something out of the corner of my eye and jump- not a little jump but one of heart pounding panic. Days when a waft of cigarette smoke brings tears to my eyes, the smell reminding me of my mother.

Days when I look at my kids and am overwhelmed by the love in my life.

So… you know…

The sun'll come out
Tomorrow
So ya gotta hang on
'Til tomorrow
Come what may
Tomorrow! Tomorrow!
I love ya Tomorrow!
You're always
A day
A way!


Yup. Manic.