Why Write Fiction?

Current news headlines continue to prove my point- why bother writing fiction?

It is a relief to know that Reverend Ted Haggard is “completely heterosexual.” The prostitute using, crystal meth snorting nightmare is a Heterosexual. Thank God, because we homosexuals don’t want him in our midst. Might scare the children.

Six feet of snow in five days in Upstate New York. Schools closed for four days in a row. It brings new meaning to the term, “cabin fever.”

There is a comedy club in Florida that has changed the name of the “Vagina Monologues” for their billboard because people objected to the word "vagina." -- they're calling it the “HooHaa Monologues.” I wonder if they changed “Puppetry of the Penis” to “Winkie Wonders?”

I can’t even comment on the astronaut except to say, how do you kick some bitch’s ass wearing diapers?

Which reminds me, I’m not turning fifty. A friend was reviewing my resume for me last night while preparing for her first colonoscopy. Above and beyond the call of duty because some calls are far more important. I’m not turning fifty.

Sinkholes swallowing cars in Portland, Oregon. Around here we call that driving in Allston. It’s part of the charm, along with the surly waitresses.

Dutch gym to introduce “Naked Sunday.” As if watching people in spandex isn’t hard enough. Just one more reason to stay home on the couch with a bag of chips.

Anna Nicole Smith. I’m sorry for her family but is it really headline news? War in Iraq or Anna Nicole?

3,115 American casualties, 23,417 wounded. We have been at war since 3/19/03. There is no U.S. mechanism to accurately track the number of Iraqi killed and wounded.

Truth is stranger than fiction. It is essential we remember to laugh every day.

It is essential we remember news headlines are created for our entertainment; uncomfortable realities will always be buried on page eight.