Wednesday, August 15, 2007

New Diet Fad

I have a new diet.

It’s called, pre-teen boy takes all your food.

It seems to be working. Today I had a sticky bun for breakfast.

OH, MOM, can I have some?


Half gone.

That was a bite?

Ben grins and I point him to the bag of them on the counter.

Get your own.

Lunch? I ordered Chicken Salad roll up. Chips. Water.

Hey, can I try that?


Half gone.

Want the rest? I asked.

Um... well…

I tore the other half in half. Handed it over.

Are you going to eat those chips?

Quarter of a sandwich and water. No wonder I’m starved right now.

It would be one thing if I hadn’t bought him lunch, too. But I did.

When the kids were little, I would nibble on their goldfish crackers, finish their half eaten plates of Annie’s Mac and Cheese. I hated both but I was raised with the "can’t let it go to waste" mentality. Thank god I never picked up my mother’s habit of folding once used paper towels and putting it back on top of the roll.

Well… I haven’t YET.

Now? Food is disappearing even when Walter the Hoover isn’t around. I could always count on Walter to finish anything left on any plate. I stopped packing on the pounds because he was taking care of it and my need to see nothing wasted was gleefully filled. I’ve noticed in the last few meals the Hoover title is shifting.

No, multiplying.

It’s like Ben has a tapeworm or something. He eats. And eats more. And more. Good stuff, junk, all goes in and he’s still skinny.

Yes, I am jealous because once upon a time, long long ago, that’s what I could do.

Things change, like metabolism in women over forty, and I’m trying to see it all as a good thing. I need to lose some weight. Ben is learning if he asks, I’ll hand it over. I think I’ll market it as a new diet trend.

The Tapeworm Teenager Hoovers All Diet. Get a teenager. Sit them next to you at all meals. Just try and finish what’s on your plate.

Don’t have one? Pretty soon I’m going to have three. I’d be happy to share. I mean... I have to eat something.


Anonymous Laura said...

send him over here.....I could stand to lose half my food too......since nothing slows me down!
Growing up in an Italian household EVERYTHING was about food! And there was always way too much of it! Life hasnt changed....but the size of my @$$ has.....

8:25 PM  

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