I spent two hours at the dentist office today.
No, I did not have any dental work done. I had been convinced to schedule all three kids at the same time.
It will be easier.
Faster, they said.
Oh. My. God.
It was like herding wolves.
Wild wolves.
Angry wolves.
Why can't we leave now?
Because your brothers are still getting their teeth cleaned.
Why is Ben taking so long?
Because he has braces.
Why do we have to pay?
Because they won't let us leave until we do...
Although I thought by that time, the entire staff would have buckled their seatbelts for them.
They paced. They figeted in seats. They poked each other. They stood too closely to the other and used foul breath to torture the other.
Can I see if it's raining out? Jake asked.
Sure.
Can I go check again?
Honey, you can see out the window. Please sit down.
Can I go? Zachary asked the minute Jake's butt hit the chair.
No.
Why did he get to?
I do not respond. I pull up another webpage to read. I consider my iPhone the most precious connection to the outside world a suburban mom stuck in a dentists office can have.
If I could only open a can of spam with it...
When we finally all crowded in for the dentist's over all discussion of all the teeth present, the pent up energy was beginning to ooze out of every seam of their beings.
The kid's dentist- who is beyond cool, a rock and roll singer and guitar player at night- starts to talk about teeth. Count teeth. Sealants.
Ben is eyeing Jake for the attack. I had him his iPod and tell him to go to the waiting room.
Jake starts to lean on the very expensive arm containing all the tools.
Sit.
He looked at me. I point to the ground. Now.
He does.
The dentist tries not to giggle. She, of course, has one daughter. What does she know of these restless wolves?
At check out time, they are angry.
We have to come back? WHY?
Not only do I make the 6 month return visit- which every experienced mother knows if you don't make 6 months in advance, you can pretty much kiss any conveniant time good-bye. I have to make two sealant appointments, one cavity check in two months and a six week time for the braces to be tightened.
By this time, Zachary is actually doing a form of the long jump across the waiting room. I have Jake pinned next to the counter with me because he had gone up and immediately started hitting Ben.
Restless, angry wolves.
I wish I could say I went home, put my feet up and put a fire in the fireplace.
I wish I could say I was home right now.
But I'm not. I'm at Ben's clarinet lesson, to be followed immediately by Zachary's sax lesson.
The teacher comments, as Ben does his openign scales, Do you know... I mean, I'm sure you do, but do you have any idea how different the boys are when you are with them?
Walter has brought the kids a few times to the lessons.
All the boys turn to me and smile big, guilty grins.
I can only imagine, I said.
I mean... they come in and sit and do work with you here. When it's all boys... well... it gets a little wild.
Deep breath. The boys continue their guilty looks.
Ben is currently playing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." No, the irony is not lost on me.
Why, oh why can't I?In about an hour, polls start to close. All I can say is I better be sitting with my feet up in front of the fireplace.
And watching my candidate pull of the momentum shift of the race.
Labels: dentist, hillary clinton kicks ass, long waits, over the rainbow
