Mutual Understanding.
I was yelled at in couple’s therapy for making Jeanine mad on her birthday. Not by the therapist- by Jeanine. Again.
I told her I was sorry. Not about the content of what I said, because I meant it, but how I said it.
And that it was her birthday. I should have shut up. For the night.
She yelled at me for wanting to move to Jamaica Plain. For talking about it. You seem to think it’s okay to dream whatever you want…
I was being impulsive, I said. I got it. Took me a few hours, but not weeks, not days- just a few hours.
I was wrong to do that. I’m sorry. It’s not fair and I have to shut up.
She shook her head. You don’t understand. I really do want to live there. I always have. YOU were the one who made me come to Newton.
It’s true. I did. I grew up in a rural area. When I moved to Boston 21 years ago, I started in the city. But after being robbed while I was sleeping in my apartment, I ran for the nearest suburb. Newton.
I love my community. The reality? Our house does not work for Jeanine. It was the only one for sale in our old neighborhood when we moved back from Rochester. There was no time to wait- we wanted to have the kids back in school by the beginning of the year.
Three years later and we still don’t like the house. It’s beautiful, in some ways, completely non-functional in others. I feel like I am being very spoiled.
But then, I’m tired of fighting about the same thing, over and over again. Jeanine wants one thing, I want another and we butt heads. I won’t budge and neither will she.
And the irony? The bottom line? Deep down? Jeanine wants what I want.
Had to pay someone the big bucks to help us figure that out because we are so stubborn.
Feel like I'm going to need the therapist to come meet with all my friends to explain, no, really, this is a good decision for the two of them. Because personally? I'm too afraid to say a word to anyone about it.
Not that we've made any firm, final decision. WE HAVE NOT. We stopped fighting about it, though. We came to a mutual understanding.
My sister sent Jeanine and email after she read the blog about how I ruined her birthday. I think it sums it up pretty well.
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
SORRY FOR THE LATE GREETING AND THAT MY SEESTER IS AN ASSHOLE AND RUINED YOUR BIRTHDAY...BUT I SURE WISH I COULD FIND THE LOVE YOU TWO HAVE FOR EACH OTHER. REGARDLESS OF ALL THE TROUBLE YOU TWO HAVE HAD LATELY IT MUST BE NICE TO KNOW THAT SOMEONE WANTS TO GROW OLD WITH YOU, CAN'T IMAGINE NOT GROWING OLD WITH YOU.
YOU TWO ARE BLESSED BEYOND BELIEF AND I FOR ONE, THANK GOD EVERYDAY THAT YOU KEEP WORKING THROUGH IT AND STAY TOGETHER.
I LOVE YOU GUYS...”
Um… thanks.
I really do want to grow old with Jeanine.
She really does want to grow old with me.
Even when I'm a jerk on her birthday.
I told her I was sorry. Not about the content of what I said, because I meant it, but how I said it.
And that it was her birthday. I should have shut up. For the night.
She yelled at me for wanting to move to Jamaica Plain. For talking about it. You seem to think it’s okay to dream whatever you want…
I was being impulsive, I said. I got it. Took me a few hours, but not weeks, not days- just a few hours.
I was wrong to do that. I’m sorry. It’s not fair and I have to shut up.
She shook her head. You don’t understand. I really do want to live there. I always have. YOU were the one who made me come to Newton.
It’s true. I did. I grew up in a rural area. When I moved to Boston 21 years ago, I started in the city. But after being robbed while I was sleeping in my apartment, I ran for the nearest suburb. Newton.
I love my community. The reality? Our house does not work for Jeanine. It was the only one for sale in our old neighborhood when we moved back from Rochester. There was no time to wait- we wanted to have the kids back in school by the beginning of the year.
Three years later and we still don’t like the house. It’s beautiful, in some ways, completely non-functional in others. I feel like I am being very spoiled.
But then, I’m tired of fighting about the same thing, over and over again. Jeanine wants one thing, I want another and we butt heads. I won’t budge and neither will she.
And the irony? The bottom line? Deep down? Jeanine wants what I want.
Had to pay someone the big bucks to help us figure that out because we are so stubborn.
Feel like I'm going to need the therapist to come meet with all my friends to explain, no, really, this is a good decision for the two of them. Because personally? I'm too afraid to say a word to anyone about it.
Not that we've made any firm, final decision. WE HAVE NOT. We stopped fighting about it, though. We came to a mutual understanding.
My sister sent Jeanine and email after she read the blog about how I ruined her birthday. I think it sums it up pretty well.
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
SORRY FOR THE LATE GREETING AND THAT MY SEESTER IS AN ASSHOLE AND RUINED YOUR BIRTHDAY...BUT I SURE WISH I COULD FIND THE LOVE YOU TWO HAVE FOR EACH OTHER. REGARDLESS OF ALL THE TROUBLE YOU TWO HAVE HAD LATELY IT MUST BE NICE TO KNOW THAT SOMEONE WANTS TO GROW OLD WITH YOU, CAN'T IMAGINE NOT GROWING OLD WITH YOU.
YOU TWO ARE BLESSED BEYOND BELIEF AND I FOR ONE, THANK GOD EVERYDAY THAT YOU KEEP WORKING THROUGH IT AND STAY TOGETHER.
I LOVE YOU GUYS...”
Um… thanks.
I really do want to grow old with Jeanine.
She really does want to grow old with me.
Even when I'm a jerk on her birthday.
posted by Sara at 4:27 PM
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