Monday, May 21, 2007

Pop a Vein

I swear, my kids sit in the backyard, kick back and discuss, What can we can we do to make the veins in mom’s neck pop out?

Well, the time mom had to move my bed from the wall and found all the boogers I wiped on it was pretty good.

Yeah, remember? Tissues! There are tissues right here! She kept shaking the tissue box. Like anyone is going to get up in the middle of the night over a booger. Please.

I know, I know, leaving your clothes in the middle of the upstairs hallway, you know, when you're going to the bath...

That is a good one. I love it when she tries to stay calm but you know she’s about to blow. "The hallway is not a hamper..."

But you know the one that always works- stuffing the toilet with toilet paper. No matter what, she loses her mind.

Today? They stuffed the toilet with toilet paper. I cannot explain why they need to use more toilet paper in a single moment than an average adult uses in a week, but they do.

I also cannot explain why it’s always tightly wound into a wad that could not be cleared with the force of Niagara Falls.

This afternoon, as I sat in my office, happily writing a post for Huffington about the evil empire- ExxonMobil- I heard water running.

A lot of water running.

BOYS? I called out. Did someone leave the sink running?

Nah, Zachary replied calmly. It’s the toilet.


I ran into the bathroom on the first floor and found over an inch of water on the floor, with more pouring out.

GET SOME TOWELS, I shouted, like a captain on a ship about to go under, I pulled off the top and stopped the water flow. Okay, I tried to stop it. After about 100 floodings, you would think I knew the toilet tank by heart. I don’t. I had to turn the flow of water off to the toilet by the valve instead, adding another three gallons of water to the floor.

Zachary is standing outside the door with a pile of towels. White towels. Our good towels, not the rags usually used for such an occasion.

I used them anyway because the water was seeping through to the basement.

Directly underneath the bathroom in the basement? Are the washer and dryer. I had three days worth of clean laundry stacked up, in baskets in front of them- now all covered with toilet water.

Used toilet water.

Mission accomplished.

Veins fully popped.


Blogger John said...

I hear you loud and clear, mine once tried to flush a Nerf(TM) football.

You might apreciate this cute story:

I have a co-worker who lives in New Hampshire. (Not unusual since we work in a border town). He has a 4 year old little girl. One evening the little girl is watching TV apparently oblivious to the adult conversation behind her. The adults were discussing the gay marriage situation in Massachusetts.

That night when the mother put the child to bed, the little girl said.

"Mommy, I love you. When I grow up, I'm going to marry you in Massachusetts."

8:15 AM  
Blogger Sara said...

oh, watch out John... going to give james dobson new fuel for the fire.

a nerf football?

12:20 PM  
Blogger John said...

Take it from me, Nerfs do not flush

12:42 PM  

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