Thursday, October 04, 2007

Attack of the Independent Breasts


Now I’ve seen it all.

This is a headline for all headlines.

“Heated bra aims to save the world” (

How can a bra save the world you ask? Filled with an eco-friendly gel that can be heated in the microwave, it will lessen the need to turn on the hea, thus lessen fuel consumption, thus end global warming. It even comes with a furry boa to double as a winter scarf. Heck, why not wrap the bra right around your ears?

And how does this help the shivering men in the room? Well, they can just bury their little faces right in the woman’s bosom to keep Jack Frost away.

There was two more bra related articles… slow news day.

“Jogging your way to saggy breasts” (

Apparently, someone at the Portsmouth University in England decided to evaluate women’s breasts while they were running.

Do people really get paid for this?

Of course, to validate their “research” very precise measurements were taken. Weights of breasts, and their “independent” movement evaluated by whatever the heck you would use on a breast to see how far it has... gone. I indeed feel better knowing that when I run a mile? My breasts have gone 135m. I’m not quite sure of the math, but it’s good to know they are working- independently it seems- as hard as I am.

Call me a conspiracy freak, but I think the “Wonderbra recall as straps bust” ( might be related. I mean, were those women jogging in their wonder bras? Do they have any idea how much stress they are putting on the fabric if they trot up the stairs?

I’m sure that’s going to be covered on a follow up study at Portsmouth U. Maybe they should get the warming bra and see if the eco-friendly gel helps or hinders sag issues.

Sorry. I know. Back to work. Stop being distracted.


Blogger Jamie said...

I can't see how warm breasts will make a difference in whether you turn on the heat. I thought you lost heat out of the top of your head, not your nipples!!

Maybe for men they're developing a microwavable jockstrap!

11:01 AM  

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