Popular Party
The babysitter just filled us in about Ben's desire to have a "popular party."
Ben's term.
He only wants the popular kids here. He was on his cell phone all night trying to arrange it- while Jeanine and I were out.
Hmmm. Popular party? I don't think so.
It hits a nerve. I was never very popular. Sure, I wore the shirts with the little alligator on them. I wore the topsiders. I drove a bright green Chevy Chevette.
Okay, that was NEVER going to make me popular.
But I was also a lesbian, knew I was a lesbian, and struggling to maintain my closet. I was asked to a popular party once. My good friend Suzy's younger sister- who was my age- was THE popular girl in my class. I was hooked up.
It terrified me. They would all know I was a lesbian and then tell the whole school and I would be so tormented even the AV boys wouldn't talk to me.
No way.
Now, I have to say, only Ben and his friend is interested in this party. She's a lovely young girl I have had the chance to spend some time with and... I'd say she has some issues around gender/sexuality.
Just like Ben.
I'm not surprised there are very specific lines drawn by the two of them- but I am dismayed. Would you not invite this friend or that one? Kids you've known since you were a toddler? Who determines "popular?"
And the reality, I know, that when you try this hard? You always fall hard on your face.
Stay tuned... I am going to have a conversation with him tomorrow.
Ben's term.
He only wants the popular kids here. He was on his cell phone all night trying to arrange it- while Jeanine and I were out.
Hmmm. Popular party? I don't think so.
It hits a nerve. I was never very popular. Sure, I wore the shirts with the little alligator on them. I wore the topsiders. I drove a bright green Chevy Chevette.
Okay, that was NEVER going to make me popular.
But I was also a lesbian, knew I was a lesbian, and struggling to maintain my closet. I was asked to a popular party once. My good friend Suzy's younger sister- who was my age- was THE popular girl in my class. I was hooked up.
It terrified me. They would all know I was a lesbian and then tell the whole school and I would be so tormented even the AV boys wouldn't talk to me.
No way.
Now, I have to say, only Ben and his friend is interested in this party. She's a lovely young girl I have had the chance to spend some time with and... I'd say she has some issues around gender/sexuality.
Just like Ben.
I'm not surprised there are very specific lines drawn by the two of them- but I am dismayed. Would you not invite this friend or that one? Kids you've known since you were a toddler? Who determines "popular?"
And the reality, I know, that when you try this hard? You always fall hard on your face.
Stay tuned... I am going to have a conversation with him tomorrow.
Labels: gender identification, gender issues, lesbian, lesbian family acceptance, lesbian mom, popular
posted by Sara at 10:20 PM
5 Comments:
Hmmm, I went thru this too. I was not in the popular crowd but I was somewhere in the middle. I refrained from going to or having any parties while in HS because I feared I would have been "found out".
Once I got into college it was like a transformation. I actually had an "open house" party (with well over a 100 people) at my home that lasted an entire weekend......my parents wanted to kill me! lol
Keep us posted on what you say to him.....and his reaction too....
It's funny, I don't know anyone who, as an adult, says they were in the popular group as a kid. Maybe that just means that the "unpopular" kids are the ones I choose to associate with as an adult. (Oh crap. I'm 46 and I'm still not in the popular group?)
Or — as I suspect is more accurate — few kids at that age really think of themselves as popular, even if others do.
Just as an update, Ben is grounded, but at his dads house tonight.
No popular party today.
I won't have a chance to talk to him till tomorrow.
My first question, though, is... what does "popular" mean to you?
so the truth is out.
yes, suzy... I've only been friends with you for 30 years because your baby sister was popular in high school.
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