Thursday, January 24, 2008

Popular Party

The babysitter just filled us in about Ben's desire to have a "popular party."

Ben's term.

He only wants the popular kids here. He was on his cell phone all night trying to arrange it- while Jeanine and I were out.

Hmmm. Popular party? I don't think so.

It hits a nerve. I was never very popular. Sure, I wore the shirts with the little alligator on them. I wore the topsiders. I drove a bright green Chevy Chevette.

Okay, that was NEVER going to make me popular.

But I was also a lesbian, knew I was a lesbian, and struggling to maintain my closet. I was asked to a popular party once. My good friend Suzy's younger sister- who was my age- was THE popular girl in my class. I was hooked up.

It terrified me. They would all know I was a lesbian and then tell the whole school and I would be so tormented even the AV boys wouldn't talk to me.

No way.

Now, I have to say, only Ben and his friend is interested in this party. She's a lovely young girl I have had the chance to spend some time with and... I'd say she has some issues around gender/sexuality.

Just like Ben.

I'm not surprised there are very specific lines drawn by the two of them- but I am dismayed. Would you not invite this friend or that one? Kids you've known since you were a toddler? Who determines "popular?"

And the reality, I know, that when you try this hard? You always fall hard on your face.

Stay tuned... I am going to have a conversation with him tomorrow.

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Anonymous Laura said...

Hmmm, I went thru this too. I was not in the popular crowd but I was somewhere in the middle. I refrained from going to or having any parties while in HS because I feared I would have been "found out".

Once I got into college it was like a transformation. I actually had an "open house" party (with well over a 100 people) at my home that lasted an entire parents wanted to kill me! lol

Keep us posted on what you say to him.....and his reaction too....

7:16 AM  
Blogger Sue J said...

It's funny, I don't know anyone who, as an adult, says they were in the popular group as a kid. Maybe that just means that the "unpopular" kids are the ones I choose to associate with as an adult. (Oh crap. I'm 46 and I'm still not in the popular group?)

Or — as I suspect is more accurate — few kids at that age really think of themselves as popular, even if others do.

8:14 AM  
Blogger Sara said...

Just as an update, Ben is grounded, but at his dads house tonight.

No popular party today.

I won't have a chance to talk to him till tomorrow.

My first question, though, is... what does "popular" mean to you?

6:21 PM  
Blogger Suzy said...

so the truth is out.

10:53 PM  
Blogger Sara said...

yes, suzy... I've only been friends with you for 30 years because your baby sister was popular in high school.

1:16 PM  

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