Monday, April 13, 2009

Why?

This is not an easy day.

Going to this funeral, and I realize I was a suicidal 11-year-old. The pain was too much, most of the time.

Zachary, my middle son, my 11-year-old, wanted to go. He said he thought he should be there.

Why?

I don't know. I just should.

After a day of thinking about it, he decided not to go. I'm glad. I think it's too much for him to hold. He holds so much.

I told him he could write a note to the mother. He agreed.

This story never hit the major news wires- why? Is it too gay? He didn't identify as gay. He was just a kid.

Why? Why doesn't anyone care? Why is there not outrage in every state, in every home?

Why didn't the school take this more seriously? Why did the mother's calls go unanswered? Why was it allowed to go on so long that an electrical cord wrapped around his neck was the only answer to the constant taunts?

This is going to be very hard today. Partly because it touches a part of me filled with pain.

And partly because it makes me angry.

Why?

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5 Comments:

Blogger Suzy said...

Why indeed. I just hope more people like you spread the news because obviously its not big enough for the news media. And our thoughts are with the family today and the hope that at least one child learns how very hurtful names can be and what can be the outcome. Hugs to that special little boy of yours. And to you too! ttfn love ya.

10:43 AM  
Blogger Ms. Moon said...

You know why.
There is pain inside you that responds to this sort of unbearable pain.
You're doing all the right things with it, though. You are.

10:50 AM  
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Blogger John Bisceglia said...

You know what makes ME angry?

Society is perfectly fine with Q adults and children suffering horribly and needlessly, because doing NOTHING is much easier than bringing up the subject of Kids and Gay ANYTHING in the same breath.

Yeah, I have a veritable BUTT LOAD of things I'm angry about, and ironically they ALL stem from experiences I've had with Legal Hate against Gays. Here's my TMI sharing for the day:

At ages 10-13, I had the choice of moving in with my own mother and step-father instead of staying with my dad. Since I was terrified - TERRIFIED - of "the boys" at school and the thought of public school gym, recess, etc., I decided to stay with my Dad and step-mother, which was a very sick, very abusive, criminally-neglectful household.

Short Story - The INTENSE FEAR of bullying from "the boys" kept me from feeling safe enough to leave the shelter of my private school's situation (I could practice the church organ EVERY SINGLE recess to avoid bullying and "the boys"). There's more to it, and this ain't Dr. Melfi's office, but suffice it to say CHILDREN NEED HELP FROM ADULTS. Children are often - OFTEN - much too scared to reach out for help. And when they do, they are often dismissed.

Sara, maybe you are just CONNECTING with these stories, since you (like many of us) KNOW - really know - what it is like to be alone and scared and afraid to reach out at a very young age.

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