Another Boy Kills Himself

I wanted to write today about the cats howling all the way up to Ogunquit, where the boys and I are spending April break. Or about how beautiful the ocean is, how it brings me to a place of calm. Or about a horrible meal we had at a restaurant I've recommended a bunch of times- that I no longer recommend.

But I can't. Another boy killed himself. Bullying again.

My heart is broken.

Jaheem Herrera was eleven. He hung himself in his closet. His mother complained repeatedly to the school that he was being bullied. Nothing happened. I read about this on Pam's House Blend and I have to wonder- what will it take?

Jaheem was harassed physically and verbally. They called him gay. He spoke with an accent.

A number of parents also complained about their children being bullied, too.

Nothing happened.

Nothing happened again.

There is something deeply wrong. We must demand change. We must enable teachers to do the right thing. We must teach our children tolerance. All the crazy talk about storms and the horrible fear that maybe LGBT people might be treated as equals has to stop. We need to all come together to help these kids. Whatever our religious beliefs our, it has to stop.

Kids too young to identify as any sexuality are being brought to levels of pain that leave them feeling they have no choice.

Another little boy is dead.

We need change now.

Telling the Stories

I took my dog for a walk today. It's been a long week and I wanted some fresh air, some quiet time.

There were packs of suburban moms. They seem to run in packs out there.

I usually go out later in the day but today I was there by 8:30am. I don't think I'll do that again. Wave after wave of moms in their jogging suits, some with coffee in hand, walking their pure bred dogs.

I felt out of place. Me, in my jeans and John Deere hat, with my mutt.

Pure bred mutt. All mutt.

It's not new, mind you. I always feel out of place in packs of suburban moms. At the elementary school, I have been around long enough to meet most of the parents and I have a comfort level there.

Today, though, I was trudging along thinking about teasing, taunting and bullying. What I could do to make a difference. How do I keep talking to my kids about it without them feeling like I'm obsessed.

I am obsessed.

I realize, after a conversation last night, that my kids face not only teasing about themselves, but about having a mom that "looks like a dad." Why, they are asked, does your mom look like a man?

Hey, Jake, your dad is here.

It happens a lot. I don't tend to notice it much anymore because I always get called sir.

Do any of these moms, briskly walking by, have to deal with this?

All kids get teased at some point. There is no question about that. Why does it feel like it has escalated? Is it that cell phones and facebook pages are now being used to taunt? Is it that they are inundated with media images that promote comparison and competition?

How can we make it better?

What happened to a country proud of it's individualism? Or is that just one more lie perpetrated by the media.

I turned up a hill to a more remote part of the woods. As always in my life, the woods bring me a sense of calm. Safety.

Sirdeaner Walker is going to speak tomorrow at Springfield College, at the breaking of silence there. I am in awe of this woman's strength and in the quiet, I knew the answer.

We have to keep telling the stories. Over and over again. That's all I know how to do, and I realize that is the most powerful thing to do.

Faith Community and LGBT Community Come Together

I went to a funeral today. Of a little boy. 11 years old. He lay in the coffin, in a grown up suit, dead.

So little.

He killed himself last week because he was taunted, over and over, for being gay. Who knows if he was, or wasn't- not really the point. He was a sweet kid, they said, who loved to sing and dance. Very bright.

The school did not respond to his mother's repeated attempts to have the bullying addressed, to have it stopped. Instead, they sentenced the kid to have lunch with his abuser, for five straight days.

He told his mother he was suspended. It seems he was desperate to get out of those lunches. When they proceeded, anyway, he hung himself. It was too much.

I went today with a friend. The woman sitting next to her told her it wasn't the first time. There had been two other students at the same school, who suffered the same taunting. One girl, one boy. The girl tried to kill herself, her mother found her OD'ed on pills and got her to the hospital in time. The boy left the school, to pursue music.

This is baked in, deeply rooted homophobia. And just like baked in, deeply rooted racism affects us all, so does the homophobia. Sitting in that church today, I knew one thing for certain- This community of African-American Pentecostal church members and the gay community have a great deal in common.

A dead little boy.

If there is ever a time to make that bridge, it's now. No where in the national media is this story. No where. Is it because he was poor and black? Maybe. Is it because he was called gay and we're just not going to deal with that? Maybe.

I don't really care. I want to make that bridge. Because together, I think we can change things.

One of my sons is eleven. He came home from school and saw the picture on the service program.

I think I know him, he said. He looks... so familiar.

He doesn't, and didn't but ... we all do.

Please make this story get out in the media. We should be outraged it has not made the evening news, the NY Times, the talk show circuit. An eleven year old boy killed himself because he was bullied. Maybe the queer community is the only one who really understands.

Let's stand behind this family and make a roar so loud no one can ignore it.

Please.

Why?

This is not an easy day.

Going to this funeral, and I realize I was a suicidal 11-year-old. The pain was too much, most of the time.

Zachary, my middle son, my 11-year-old, wanted to go. He said he thought he should be there.

Why?

I don't know. I just should.

After a day of thinking about it, he decided not to go. I'm glad. I think it's too much for him to hold. He holds so much.

I told him he could write a note to the mother. He agreed.

This story never hit the major news wires- why? Is it too gay? He didn't identify as gay. He was just a kid.

Why? Why doesn't anyone care? Why is there not outrage in every state, in every home?

Why didn't the school take this more seriously? Why did the mother's calls go unanswered? Why was it allowed to go on so long that an electrical cord wrapped around his neck was the only answer to the constant taunts?

This is going to be very hard today. Partly because it touches a part of me filled with pain.

And partly because it makes me angry.

Why?

It Doesn't Make Sense

My son came home from school yesterday after having watched a movie about the Civil Rights movement in the 1960's.

It was horrible, he said.

As he described the church bombing, the hoses and the police dogs, he asked me, why?

People who were in power wanted to stay in power. They wanted to beat them down but they fought back.

Jake was listening to this conversation. After about an hour, he came up and asked me, Why did they kill the girls that were changing their clothes?

I said, They bombed the church. They didn't care who was inside.

He kept asking questions, throughout the rest of the day. Finally, I said to him, You're trying to make sense of this. It doesn't make any sense.

Eleven gay bars in Seattle had ricin threats sent to them in the mail on Tuesday. Last night, hackers brought down a bunch of LGBT blogs.

"Pam's House Blend, RadicalRuss.net, American Liberalism, BeThink.org are some of the sites affected. I haven't gone down the whole Soapblox blogroll yet, so far it seems the state blogs were not affected; I assume the hack is restricted to only one server."

As I listened to my sons try and digest the horror of the Civil Rights movement, I wanted to say something about what is going on today in the LGBT movement. How transpeople all over the south are being killed with no real police effort to do anything about it. How Sean Kennedy's murderer is being set free after little time in jail.

How could I? How could I explain that people do hateful things to people who are different and that I, their mother, am one of the targets? Just because the one I am in love with, the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, share the responsibilities of adulthood with, share my bed with, is a woman instead of a man.

It doesn't make any sense.

Too Much Hate

I drove up to Oakley, California today to check polling locations and also went through Pittsburg, and Bentwood, all small towns north of San Francisco.

It was the hardest day I've had here, by far.

Everywhere there were Yes on 8 signs, no where No on 8 signs. Neighborhood after neighborhood, signs were on lawns of suburban houses not unlike my own. I came across two small Yes on 8 "rallies" at intersections, and people where honking and cheering in support.

I wanted to cry.

I feel so hopeless right now. It is an old feeling the roots from long, long ago. I'm surprised it has not come up before now. Maybe because I still had more to give, more to do, more to write.

I don't. I'm exhausted by the argument that I'm a normal human being. I swear, I'm going to go shave my head. Why bother trying to fit in? What good does it do? I have no more money to give and I leave tomorrow to go home.

Over and over, I saw little suburban boxes all lined up. How easily I could be in one of those houses. How many LGBT people are in them? One in ten, as they say, feels so lonely. I hope there are two in twenty- or more.

This fight will leave deep scars. No matter what.

We almost had to do this in Massachusetts. How many of my neighbors would have put up the hateful signs? I like to think none but I know I would have driven by some every day.

It feels like "You don't belong." Countless numbers of LGBT youth kill themselves over that message every year.

I am deeply grateful to all those who worked on the Massachusetts campaign. I feel even more protective of my state- we can never let this happen.

I don't want to take away the right of those twenty men on one corner, all shouting out cruel things. I only want to have the same rights. Why is that so threatening? If you don't want to be married to someone, then don't do it! Is that really rocket science?

It was a hard day today. The polls show this so close every single vote will count. Driving around, I have never felt so hated before in my life. Just because of who I love.

The campaign office is still full of energy and enthusiasm. I'm certain a great deal comes from Red Bull and coffee, but not a single person has let up.

If we lose on Tuesday, it won't be because there was not enough effort. It will be because there is too much hate.

A New Level Of Hate

As we all dissect the last debate, and worry about the economy, the level of hate in this country just reached a new high.

Or should I say low.

In Illinois, an elementary school bus driver taunted a ten year old boy, calling him "gay." He then, at the child's bus stop, encouraged other students to go beat him up.

The school has confirmed this, and is looking to confirm that the driver himself got off the bus to join them.

That a 46 year old man taunted a ten year old boy for any reason is horrible enough. But that he was in charge of children's safety and encouraged kids to beat the boy up?

There should be a special kind of jail for people like that. Since that's pretty much out of the question, how about a federal hate crimes bill?

As the economy continues to swirl it's way down the toilet, the levels of hate crimes- all hate crimes- will rise exponentially. They always do in times of economic distress.

This was a ten year old child. Too young to be gay, straight or anything but a boy. What if he were Black and the driver had called him a 'nigger' and told the kids to beat him up? Or Asian? Or Hispanic?

Where is the outcry? This happened last week and there has been no mainstream media news about it at all- why? Because if it were about race? It would have made the news. If the child was handicapped? There would be cameras in this guys face asking hard questions.

There would be a lesson to learn. It would be clear that in our society that kind of behavior is not okay.

Instead we have reached a new level of hate.

The Killer, Not The Killed

Once again, Lawrence King is in the news. His parents have filed a lawsuit against the school for “not enforcing the dress code.”

I think I’m going to scream.

Lawrence King wore feminine attire to school. He wore what all the girls were wearing. He was a kid with serious issues, often out of control, and in need of help. No one is questioning that.

But when is anyone going to ask questions about the killer? When the kids were killed in the Columbine High School shooting, no one asked what they did to get themselves killed. Every moment of the press coverage was dedicated to Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold.

What they wore, who they hung out with, how their parents were raising them- even the spots they parked their car in when they arrived at the school that horrible day.

Do we know what Brandon McInerney wore that day? Do we know how he got the gun into school? Do we know what created such rage in this boy of 14 to have him take a gun at point blank range and shoot? Do we know who his friends were, what pushed his buttons, what kind of movies he watched or internet sites he visited?

No. We know what that Larry King favored a pair of brown stilettos.


Schools, especially middle school and Junior high schools, are notoriously difficult for anyone who does not fit in or conform. I watched my oldest son go through the doors of middle school for the first time last fall. I watched a boy who loved music and dance, fashion and treasured his copy of High School Musical, toss it all aside.

I wanted to tell him to stand up and be himself. To be proud of not only the way he could play soccer but also the way he could pick out an outfit, or how he knew the top twenty hits every week. We live in a progressive school district with strict anti-bullying rules.

He’d be safe, right?

As long as the focus continues to be on King, my answer is no. He won’t be safe. This lawsuit will send chills down every school administration in the country with the focus on those who are different rather than the violence inflicted on them.

What do we know about McInerney? How are we to learn from this event if we do not know what motivated this boy to grab a gun and shoot another? Some of the obsession in the media over killings is macabre, no question, but some of it teaches us something about our kids, their lives and what needs to change.

We need to learn about the killer, not the killed. That Larry King was a kid with behavioral issues is true but what do we learn by focusing on his behavior? To say he is the rare occurrence of an out of control kid is to be blind to what goes on in schools today.

If Lawrence had not been allowed to wear girls clothes, he would still be alive the King’s lawsuit suggests. Call me a cynic, but maybe if McInerney didn’t have a gun and didn’t pull the trigger, King would still be alive today.

Clearly, the McInerney’s family has no money and a civil suit against them would be financially pointless. Financially draining the school system will only leave more kids at risk and leave the most important questions unanswered.

A 14-year-old boy shot and killed a 15-year-old boy in a junior high school. We know the killed was wearing “tennis shoes, baggy pants and a loose sweater over a collared shirt.” we know where he sat in the room, how he looked nervously over his shoulder.

What do we know about the killer? When will the focus turn from the killed?

As a parent, I cannot understand the King’s lawsuit. They are blaming lipstick and glitter instead of the gun and the hand that held it. The message, loud and clear, is the dominant culture can wield a gun and shoot at will at anyone who doesn’t conform. And our Schools should enforce that conformity.

In doing so, they put my son, and anyone like him, at risk. And that really makes me want to scream: How can you miss the point?

It's the killer, not the killed.

Tinky Winky and Dipsy

My wife was giggling away at her computer this morning. I have to admit, no one would ever suspect how playful and goofy she is. Ms. Vice President tends to keep a big wall between her softer side and the rest of the world.

This morning, with her note to Zachary at camp, she included this picture:



She told him she missed his dirty socks but she was suffering along without them. I don't know what made her think of the picture of me with Zachary as a toddler and those two giant, stuffed teletubbies my sister had sent them.

God knows, Cathy, we would have had a dull life without the toys you have sent over the years.

Of course, you know those teletubbies were simply a way to indoctrinate the children into the evils of the homosexual lifestyle. Or agenda. Or whatever Jerry Falwell said.

I'm struck by the comment yesterday... do we live in fear? No. We don't. We pack our fears into a box and say, yes, they are real.

And no, I will not live by them.

Camp OUT is at the Farm School in Athol, MA. Follow the link for more information.

The Reality Comes Crashing In

I officially miss my kids.

Maybe it's because Jeanine is back in Boston today, working, and I'm up in Maine with all the animals. Maybe it's because I received two letters from Jake and one from Zachary today.

Jake drew a picture of a tree, and then wrote a note requesting a care package: an action figure, the newspaper, a bathrobe and "sum pichers of the cats."

The newspaper?

Yes, I sent him without a bathrobe because he insisted he didn't want one. Not that I'm feeling guilty.

Action figure.... do you think he means this?



The special edition "Crazy Cat Lady?" Or is that too much like his mother? And look, she has a bathrobe, too.

Zachary wrote me, in typical Zachary fashion:

Dear Mom S,
I have sent out a letter and in my care package I would have the marvel bat 2 magic decks. Mom you can find them at Newberry Comics. Oh and some candy and comics.

Love, Zack

His required letter sending had taken place. I did send out care packages but before I received the letters. Allan is at work locating the marvel bat 2 magic cards from Newbury Comics. I'm surprised he didn't say, second shelf, to the left.

As Jeanine and I walked onto Ogunquit Beach yesterday, we watched cute little children playing in the sand happily. Jeanine sighed.

I miss the kids.

I rolled my eyes.

As Jeanine and I walked off the beach, late in the day, we watched no longer cute little children crying and screaming as their weary parents were trying to get them packed up for home.

Okay, I don't miss the kids, Jeanine said.

Today, armed with letters and faced with an old cat who insists on sitting on my lap even though it is 100 degrees, I miss my kids. The shooting at the Unitarian Church has left me feeling more susceptible. My idea of a safe place has been jarred. While the idea of anyone doing harm at a YMCA camp in the Berkshires is fairly remote, I think about Ben at Camp OUT.

All the kids at Camp OUT. They are all kids of LGBT parents. None of them chose to be a kid of a LGBT parent but there they are, hanging out together, trying to make sense of it all.

Are they targets? Should I not write about it? Should it be a top secret place no one knows about?

Maybe it's easier to shuffle my worries into a box called "I miss my kids." It normalizes the anxiety I feel about their safety in a world where LGBT people are still targets for extreme hate crimes.

A world I'm watching my oldest son come closer and closer to joining as different and there is not a single thing I can do to make it easier, keep him safe, or shelter him from what is to come.

A world that will take my other two sons confidence and comfort with their family structure and toss it in the air. No positive images on the daily news, only kids killed for being different, crazy people charged with hate coming into their churches.

When will Zachary's "Day of Silence" become a year of silence because to speak up is too challenging?

When will Jake's easy response, I have two moms and two dads, turn into a guarded shrug?

Like I said, it is easier to simply say, I miss my kids.

Otherwise, the reality comes crashing in, I am paralyzed by fear and the people who hate win.

Newsweek's Hate Crime

I am stunned by an article put out by Newsweek, Young, Gay and Murdered. At best, it is poor journalism, at it's worst, it is a hate crime in itself, paving the way for a "gay panic" defense for the kid who pulled the trigger.

Remember? Larry King was killed? Shot point blank in the head?

Read the article and you'll be informed that in fact, Larry was the problem. He was always the problem. And while kids are experimenting with sexuality at younger and younger ages overall, being gay is dangerous. Heterosexual play is fine but, "Kids may want to express who they are, but they are playing grown-up without fully knowing what that means."

What does that mean?

The article is one of the poorest forms of journalism I've ever read. If it is an Opinion piece, okay, but to write "Even as homosexuality has become more accepted, the prospect of being openly gay in middle school raises a troubling set of issues" and to state it as fact?

To whom? The author? Is he an expert?

I can go on and on about this piece- and I will- but for today I am so deeply troubled by yet another piece of crappy, sensationalist reporting that is only geared towards selling magazines. It is obviously too boring and too common to focus on a 15 year old boy who snuck a gun into school and blew off another kid's head. A kid with drug abusing parents, with divorce and lack of parental supervision. A kid with an obsession with Hilter.

I know, been there, done that. No one wants to read that story.

Instead, let's focus on the victim. Let's dissect homosexuality at a young age. Not all kids sexuality, not all kids experimentation at younger and younger ages, but homosexuality.

Young, Gay and Murdered. Lesbian assistant principal suspected of a "gay agenda." King's troubled past leading him to a group home placement shrugged off as a minor event in a series of his own trouble causing.

As if kids get taken out of homes because they "accuse" their parents of hitting them. Another top notch effort of reporting, the adoptive father gets to simply say, "Not true," and that's it.

Because it's really about this bad boy, who wore girls clothes, got what he deserved. Homosexuality was the evil here. Playing "grown up" without knowing it could get you killed.

The article takes a kid who is dead and reports how he asked for it?

That, in my opinion, is a hate crime.

Lawrence King Deserved To Die

While the defense lawyer in the Lawrence King shooting decided to take the most disgusting route possible- it was in fact, Larry’s fault for being open about himself and the school’s efforts to support him that got him killed.

I’m not surprised but it makes me sick.

The defense attorney, William Quest, said, “administrators were so intent on nurturing King as he explored his sexuality, allowing him to come to school wearing feminine makeup and accessories, that they downplayed the turmoil that his behavior was causing on campus.”

So when a group of people decides to pick on a single person- who did have the constitutional right, “under long-established case law,”to dress the way he did- it is the single person’s responsibility to change?

Silly me, I would have thought it was a teachable moment. An opportunity to learn. I know, crazy to think that might happen in a school.

What if Larry was Black and decided to wear afro-centric clothes in a racist town. Would it be up to him to change? Would we excuse his killer because, well, he should have known better than to do that? Or would we be outraged by the senseless killing of someone simply because they were different.

Lawrence King had the constitutional right to be dressed the way he chose to be dressed. Brandon McInerney had no constitutional right to bring a gun into school and deal with his “discomfort” over King.

In the meantime, at Brewster High School, Michael Loscalzo has begun to wear women’s clothes to school. He has been in therapy and is in the process of making the decision to transition to being a woman.

“Brewster Schools Superintendent Jane Sandbank reiterated that the district stresses respect and tolerance of all people.

"The school has been supportive of Michael and helping him work through his issues," Sandbank said. "Undergoing a sex change is a major choice for a young man to make. We would hope that the school would give appropriate guidance and ensure that he's not ridiculed or bullied."

Some of Loscalzo’s peers have been supportive. Some have not. Some organized an “Equality Protest.” Some have called him a freak.

I’m proud of Loscalzo, I’m proud of his mother who is scared but supports him, and I’m proud of his friends who rallied around him. He may transition and he may not. Sandbank is right. It is about tolerance and respect.

And I’m terrified the very tolerance and respect deserved may also get him killed.

Like Lawrence King.

Will we be blamed, again, for being out and proud? Because that’s what it boils down to, being unashamed and out of the closet. I don’t care if you are uncomfortable with my life. I will talk to you, try to inform you, share my experience so you can have a better understanding but if you don’t like it still? You have no right to shoot me.

Your fear is not an acceptable reason to shoot me.

Defense attorney Quark was right about one thing. There were rising tensions between the two boys. King had been bullied for a long time.

The crime was when McInerney’s when he pulled the trigger. He’s a kid. He believed it was okay to kill someone. He needs help. Quark’s defense only reinforces the belief that it’s okay to kill someone who is different.

It only says, Lawrence King deserved to die.

Just Be Angry

The school my son attends could not get it together to put out a notice to inform parents that he would be participating in a Day of Silence. He is sitting in his class today, with his sign on his chest, proud. Confident.

And a young lesbian woman was shot and killed in Florida.

“Another black gay youth has been gunned down in Fort Lauderdale. Shanesa Conaway, 22, was shot to death on April 26 during a domestic dispute between her partner, Shameca Davis and Kevin Cartwright, the father of Davis' two children.

Conaway and Davis had a commitment ceremony on Valentines this year and had been raising Davis's two children together. Witnesses and family members say that one of the big issues Cartwright had with Davis was her relationship with Conaway. Police are not investigating this as a hate crime, however, but as a domestic dispute.”

I wonder, did the school administration ever stop to think they teach about the civil rights movement of the sixties? Without a second thought, images of Blacks being bitten by dogs and hosed down by police are open for discussion. Do they not realize they teach, openly and passionately, about Martin Luther King, Jr., who was shot to death? A victim of a hate crime, the kind of hate crime my son Zachary is protesting today?

They can’t really say it’s ‘scary’ to talk about LGBT victims of crime. They teach about violence and war as a part of the approved curriculum. You know, the American Revolution, the Civil War… is that violence acceptable because it’s perceived as heterosexual?

No, the reality is anything LGBT is suddenly only about sexual behavior. Not a civil rights movement but sex. Not a human agenda but a sexual one.

They are wrong. It is about how we are treat each other as individuals. It is about bullying, name calling, and exclusion, all very real issues to kids. Tell Lawrence King LGBT hate didn’t come to school and shoot him in the head during first period English class.

And yes, I'm angry. I'm tired of being treated like a second class citizen. I'm tired of being the good little lesbian who comes into the school and doesn't ask for inclusive books to be added to the classroom, doesn't push the agenda to include LGBT issues, who waits to have permission slips sent home so no one is offended by my legally sanctioned relationship. I don't rock any boats so my children won't be isolated as the ones with the trouble-making parents.

My son is in school today, doing his protest. He is only ten. He doesn’t understand all the nuances, he certainly doesn’t understand why mentioning a movement that affects his parents requires a permission slip.

Shanesa Conaway is dead. Her partner Shameca Davis is recovering in the hospital from her gunshot wounds. Please don’t be surprised that not a single mainstream paper has written about this.

Just be angry.

MIT Takes a Pass on Discipline

At MIT Sloan Group, the management school of amazing genius, because as we know, everyone at MIT is a genius, decided to take a pass on any form of discipline for a student accused of sending a "homophobic, threatening email" the Sloan LGBT Group.

(Actually, everyone I've ever met who went to MIT really, honestly is a genius. )

"The offending e-mail was a response to an invitation sent out by the Sloan Lesbian, Gay, and Transgender Club to an end-of-semester celebration. The response reads in part: “If you fucking fags send me something like that once again or contact me in any other way, I swear you won’t be able to study at Sloan for some time because you will spend it at resuscitation department. If this is what you want, go ahead.” The full message is available online along with a response from the LGBT group at http://tech.mit.edu/V128/N18/sloan/"

So after appearing in front of the MIT's Committee on Discipline, the student who sent the email was not expelled or suspended. It is unclear if any action was taken.

It's great to see the future executives of our country are not faced with the same ramifications they would experience in the real business world. Anyone making such statements to a coworker in most of the Fortune 500 companies would be fired. Most have policies in place to protect sexual orientation.

It is an interesting question to ask- what exactly are they teaching at MIT?


(and as a note, thank you to whoever sent this article to me! I will take it up with a couple alumni I know)

Update on Day of Silence

I spoke with the teachers and they are very excited to have Zachary do this and want me to come in and explain to the class what Zachary is doing and why. They asked that Zachary wait till the Friday following vacation week so parental notification fliers can be sent out.

The reality even in as progressive a school district as Newton, MA, is that one of the only things that require notification is discussion of gay families.

I said I'd ask Zachary. The national day falls on a day when they are all on vacation. Could he wait until the week after?

He agreed. I explained that I would come in and talk to his class. He nodded seriously, Sounds good.

I'm watching my son who was so shy at one point, he didn't say a word when his bus driver didn't stop at his house and drove him to the depot, parked and left without checking the seats. A boy we held back from starting kindergarten because he wouldn't ask a teacher out loud for more snack or raise his hand during morning circle. A boy who would hide behind me when relatives came to visit, taking so long to speak up his older cousin would ask, Where's the little one?

A silent protest fits him well.

Proud? More than proud.

Day Of Silence

This morning, Jeanine and I were treated to a fourth grade presentation on the civil rights movement in the southeast region of the country. It was a timeline of PowerPoint presentations, from slavery to the civil rights movement.

Our son Zachary presented the book he read with a classmate. Excellent work.

What struck me though, was the two parents that came up to me and mentioned that Zachary had told their son that he was going to be silent one day at school. That is was a protest.

I was surprised. We had talked about the Day of Silence and what it was for over dinner the other night. Jeanine is organizing the students at Berklee who want to participate.

Zachary, obviously, soaked it in. He told his friend that it was about the violence against gays and lesbians- he didn't understand the bisexual or transgender piece- and it was about being silent in protest of that violence.

Then, I was proud. Yes, I explained. It is... and we talked about it as we walked out over the school yard.

I found this video on the http://www.dayofsilence.org/ site.




It is wrong. I've emailed Zachary's teachers and offered to go speak about why Zachary will be silent that day.

My son made me so proud today.

It's Not Funny, People

Ellen is right. It starts with the jokes.

Personally? I'm sick of it. I'm sick of being the punch line.

And really getting punched.

Smoke a fag? Boil some lesbians?

It's not funny people.

Call NBC. Contact the Conan O'Brien show.

Better yet? Send 25 bucks to GLAAD.

And the next time you hear a gay joke? Put in the word "nigger" and see if it flies.

It won't.

It isn't funny.

Tucker, it seems, Does Exist

I cannot be sure, still, but I have read that the producers from Ellen have been in touch with Tucker and are going to have him on the program.

Read. Doesn't mean anything until the producers from Ellen... uh... produce him.

There is a post from Elizabeth, from Oklahoma City, on the local news stations comments.

I am cautiously hopeful that Tucker exists.

A Letter From Tucker

I recieved this today from an activist in Florida, of all places. I cannot verify that Tucker actually exists- I will try to today- but even if he doesn't, this note could be sent not only to Rep. Kern, but to every elected official in the United States who uses their position and power to spread hate.

And all in the name of Christianity.


A letter to Sally Kern from a senior in high school in Oklahoma.
*******

Today my nephew attempted to deliver a letter to Sally Kern but
was stopped by a highway patrol man. With his permission I am
distributing the letter to all news stations and thought I would
include it here.

Maybe we can all stand to learn a listen from this smart, loving,
young man. He more than most has reason to hate. He lost his
mother, my sister, in the Murrah Building bombing.

Elizabeth

*****

Letter From Tucker

Rep Kern:
On April 19, 1995, in Oklahoma City a terrorist detonated a bomb
that killed my mother and 167 others. 19 children died that day.
Had I not had the chicken pox that day, the body count would've
likely have included one more. Over 800 other Oklahomans were
injured that day and many of those still suffer through their
permanent wounds.

That terrorist was neither a homosexual or was he involved in
Islam. He was an extremist Christian forcing his views through a
body count. He held his beliefs and made those who didn't live up
to them pay with their lives.

As you were not a resident of Oklahoma on that day, it could be
explained why you so carelessly chose words saying that the
homosexual agenda is worst than terrorism. I can most certainly
tell you through my own experience that is not true. I am sure
there are many people in your voting district that laid a loved
one to death after the terrorist attack on Oklahoma City. I kind
of doubt you'll find one of them that will agree with you.

I was five years old when my mother died. I remember what a
beautiful, wise, and remarkable woman she was. I miss her. Your
harsh words and misguided beliefs brought me to tears, because you
told me that my mother's killer was a better person than a group
of people that are seeking safety and tolerance for themselves.

As someone left motherless and victimized by terrorists, I say to
you very clearly you are absolutely wrong.

You represent a district in Oklahoma City and you very coldly
express a lack of love, sympathy or understanding for what they've
been through. Can I ask if you might have chosen wiser words were
you a real Oklahoman that was here to share the suffering with
Oklahoma City? Might your heart be a bit less cold had you been
around to see the small bodies of children being pulled out of
rubble and carried away by weeping firemen?

I've spent 12 years in Oklahoma public schools and never once have
I had anyone try to force a gay agenda on me. I have seen,
however, many gay students beat up and there's never a day in
school that has went by when I haven't heard the word **** slung
at someone. I've been called gay slurs many times and they hurt
and I am not even gay so I can just imagine how a real gay person
feels. You were a school teacher and you have seen those things
too. How could you care so little about the suffering of some of
your students?

Let me tell you the result of your words in my school. Every
openly gay and suspected gay in the school were having to walk
together Monday for protection. They looked scared. They've
already experienced enough hate and now your words gave other
students even more motivation to sneer at them and call them
names. Afterall, you are a teacher and a lawmaker, many young
people have taken your words to heart. That happens when you
assume a role of responsibility in your community. I seriously
think before this week ends that some kids here will be going home
bruised and bloody because of what you said.

I wish you could've met my mom. Maybe she could've guided you in
how a real Christian should be acting and speaking.

I have not had a mother for nearly 13 years now and wonder if
there were fewer people like you around, people with more love and
tolerance in their hearts instead of strife, if my mom would be
here to watch me graduate from high school this spring. Now she
won't be there. So I'll be packing my things and leaving Oklahoma
to go to college elsewhere and one day be a writer and I have no
intentions to ever return here. I have no doubt that people like
you will incite crazy people to build more bombs and kill more
people again. I don't want to be here for that. I just can't go
through that again.

You may just see me as a kid, but let me try to teach you
something. The old saying is sticks and stones will break your
bones, but words will never hurt you. Well, your words hurt me.
Your words disrespected the memory of my mom. Your words can cause
others to pick up sticks and stones and hurt others.

Sincerely

Tucker

Clinton Addresses Lawrence King's Murder

Today Senator Clinton's campaign released a statement:


“I was deeply saddened by the recent death of 15-year-old Lawrence King who was killed at his school in Oxnard, CA. No one should face intimidation or violence, particularly at school, because of their sexual orientation or the way they express their gender identity"

“We must finally enact a federal hate crimes law to ensure that gay, lesbian and transgender Americans are protected against violent, bias-motivated crimes. We must send a unified message that hate-based crime will not be tolerated.”