Sucking Up Recipe

Take two ounces Bombay Sapphire Gin. A single extra large pimento stuffed olive. Fee Brother's Orange Bitters- just a dash.




Slice up Neiman Ranch dry aged salami and a strong cheddar cheese. If it's big? Really big? Pull out the Club crackers.

Shake before mentioned martini for so long your hands stick to the shaker. Then shake some more.

Hand to lovely wife as she walks in the door. Escort her to the spot where the crackers, cheese and salami are.

Tell her how beautiful she is. (This is not a stretch. She really is beautiful.)

After the martini is consumed, drop the bomb.

Wish me luck. I want to stay home instead of going to Florida this weekend because I have tickets to the Celtics first round playoff game.

I love my in laws but... Celtics? Third row seats? First time in playoff in... um... forever?

If all else fails? Like shampoo, rinse and repeat.

Naughty Mom Night

I'm having the Naughty Moms over tonight. Having a group of self-proclaimed suburban "naughties" is a challenge.

You must have enough wine in the house. Good wine. They are suburbanites after all. I do NOT allow spritzers of any kind. I have my rules about wine.

When one of the naughties offers to bring a VERY LARGE bottle of vodka, you throw away the mixers and get the martini shaker ready, arming yourself with olives and lemon twists.

If the flowers you thought you could stretch out one more day are too dead after all? Improvise with a Chihuly. But remove before dessert so it doesn't end up being offered to double as a jello mold.

And that's all I can say. I am not allowed to divulge the naughty mom's identities. I am not allowed to share any of the conversations that take place.

It's Vegas here tonight.