Wednesday, August 23, 2006

A Peaceful New World

The Jehovah Witnesses came by today while I was at the beach.

So sad.

I am curious to find out about the end of times.

Or is it the spaceship?

No, no, it’s Life in a Peaceful New World. They left me a pamphlet.

Something bad and evil will happen to people like me. Non-believers. Heathens. Lesbians. Perhaps we all get swept off the hell. I hope gay men are included, otherwise I see a bunch of dykes, new age spiritualists, and neurotic intellectuals- and it’s not a party I want to be at.

This Peaceful New World sounds pretty impressive. Like the line from the movie, “Cocoon” the promise of eternal life and health is tempting. “We won’t ever get sick, we won't ever grow old and we won’t ever die,” the Grandfather reassures his young grandson before he embarks on the space ship.

Of course, in the sequel, they all come back because they were bored out of their minds and dying didn’t seem like such a bad thing after all. Someone should tell Tom Cruise.

I’m not sure I want the wolf residing next to the lamb. I like the fact that my cat catches mice. Okay, not so much the baby bunny she brought home. And I was going to wring her neck if she caught the hummingbird she was eyeing today. But mice and moles? Good kitty.

I love that on the final page of the pamphlet, they let you know there are requirements to meet to live forever in the coming Paradise. Some where between being righteous and blissful I’m guessing there is some money donated to the church involved. There always is.

Me? I’ll take hell in a hand basket. If there are hand baskets, there will be gay men. I mean, who will design them? Market them? Do the photo shoots? Be the models, take care of the models? And who will buy them and know how to properly accessorize with them? Gay men. (Okay, not all gay men have the design gene. I don’t care. They’ve all faced being on the other side of righteousness and that’s enough to get into my hell.) I know I’ll be much happier there. It may be hot but perhaps we can all bring a lovely sarong with us.

And the righteous can live with the lions. I may be eternally damned, but I won’t have mice.


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