Clouded

I haven’t taken a picture in weeks.

What is my priority?

What is an authentic life?

I love books, and yet I barely have time to read. I love taking pictures and yet I haven’t taken a shot in weeks.

I want to be a productive member of society. It’s not just about me. Marian Wright Edelman says, we will be judged not on how we treat our own children but by how we treat other people’s children. I believe that. Deeply.

Balance.

If an authentic life means being honest about what I’ve done, I can’t pretend my old job was glamorous. I filed a lot of paper. A great resolution or two, but mostly? Paper. Taxes. Forms. Signatures.

I did not make a difference.

A friend said to me last week, I am working on the civil rights movement, keeping it alive, one person at a time. It’s what I can do. You? She smiled. You can move hundreds at a time.

I’ve been trying to understand that ever since. My need for outstanding achievement balanced with an authentic life.

How the hell do I figure that out?