Thursday, March 01, 2007

Wide Awake

3AM. I’m wide-awake.

When I was pregnant with Ben, I can remember him kicking every night at 3AM. I would have to get up and go to the bathroom. As the pregnancy progressed, it was pretty much every two hours but always a big turn and kick at three.

Three AM seems to be the time now when I either wake up from a horrible dream or I simply open my eyes and cannot shut them.

I’m perimenopausal- pre-menopausal as menopause is when it all stops. Prior to everything stopping, you have to go through the slow down. Insomnia is one of the first symptoms. Hot flashes- I’ve been having those, mainly around my period, for about two years. Nothing horrible yet but clearly, not a normal rise in temperature.

And perhaps I go a little irritable from time to time over nothing. Walter did mention something about installing an escalator for my constant trips to the roof.

I can’t believe my body is changing. I feel like I’m still 32, except that I’m not pregnant- thank god. But when I sit here, wide-awake in the middle of the night, I have to realize, I am not. I’m 44 and starting to shift into another physical gear of my life.

The worst part? I know I’ll be tired all day tomorrow. I have things to do and can’t pull a mental health day. It’s annoying. I’ll heat up some warm milk. Lie on the couch so I don’t wake up Jeanine with my incessant tossing and turning.

Not that anything wakes that woman up. Ever.

That’s annoying, too. She’s a few years younger than me and has great genes. Not only is her skin wrinkle free- she still gets carded at the liquor store- she will probably sail through perimenopause with one hot flash and a single somewhat restless sleep.

Up escalator.

What the hell. Might as well obsess about something ridiculous.

Wide awake, wide awake, wide awake.


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