Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Sex in the Dunes

I was asked recently to do a list of favorite things about Provincetown. It reminded me of a moment in the dunes, long ago, that I remember fondly.

And it got me in big trouble.

Ever sit around with a bunch of friends and talk about the strangest places you had sex or the funniest moments mid-orgasm that happened to you? Ever have your wife in the group?

I have.

It’s a bad idea.

I’m old now, and can’t always remember exactly who I was with doing what- or, worse, I think I do and of course I think it was my lovely wife of 16 years.

But it wasn’t.

Recently, I started telling a great story…

I remember being in the dunes after crossing the breakwater… and it seemed like no one was around for miles. One thing led to another, as it so often does in Provincetown with the freedom and openness in the air, not to mention the nude men lining the beach, and before you know it, we’re going at it and… a sightseeing plane flies overhead.

Very low overhead.

You can just imagine the pilot- “and down below is some of the local wildlife, lesbians in this case, performing a commonly know mating ritual called…”

And you have the crowd laughing because it’s a good story, and let’s face it, we’ve all been in those dunes at one time or another…

Except my wife.

Who has not.


She looks at me and says, You did WHAT?

You know, honey, remember? I say because in the moment, I think it was her.

NO, I do not. It was SOMEONE ELSE.

The look in her eyes means I am not having sex again for at least a week, maybe two.

So as I have learned, the hard way, when you reminisce about past sexual escapades, please be sure your current spouse is not in the room. If they are, stick to something current, even if it isn’t as good a story. You have to be sure it was them.

In closing, I’d just like to add, I have NEVER had sex in the dunes in Provincetown. It’s illegal and I would never, ever do such a thing.

(I can only hope there were no cameras on the plane that day.)


Anonymous Laura said...

I have been in the same position......right in the middle of a story and it hits me that who I am referring to is NOT my partner!

And then comes that uncomfortable glare.....lol

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Blogger wmy said...

I just found your blog...pretty good stuff! I read your recent post about Ben...I also have a sweet kid of my own...13, not quite into the "boy" stuff...I was sharing what you wrote with a friend of mine, and she was just shocked that a lesbian woman was having trouble finding the right way to handle this type of thing. As she put it, "She is gay right? Well, she went throught all that...she should know EXACTLY what to say to this boy"
Well, she and I had a few tense words after that...anyway, I guess the point I am trying to make, is that we are all, regardless of our orientation, just moms who are worried that some big jerk is gonna hurt our kid...and, if you do come up with the magic words...I am all ears! lol

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