Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Month of Fever

February, the month of the fever. It is the time of year when those of us in the cold parts of the world start to go nuts. Stir crazy, cabin fever; whatever you want to call it, we are aching for Spring.

I am aching for Spring. It is a time of hope, renewal, and clear sidewalks. Glorious sunshine and long underwear sent to the back of the drawer.

Most of my life, I have been afraid. Afraid of being bad, of doing the wrong thing- most of all, disappointing people. It has left me, at times, completely frozen.

No more.

It is time for my own revolution. It could be my new job, and the confidence I’ve gained from it. It could be my edging ever so much closer to fifty years old. It could be my realization that being a role model for my children is changing, as they grow older.

It is time for change.

My classes are currently writing persuasive essays and putting music to them. Basically, putting a soundtrack to their thoughts and words. If I had to put music to this today, I would pick Beautiful by Carole King.

You’ve got to get up every morning, with a smile on your face, and show the world, all the love in your heart…

If I don’t believe in myself, why should anyone else? If I don’t trust my strength, no one else can.

and people gonna treat you better, you’re gonna find, yes you will, that you’re beautiful, as you feel…

It’s a song I memorized as a kid, playing the album until the grooves were worn out. (Note to the youngsters: Albums were vinyl disks, grooved to hold a needle in place, played on record players. Hard to imagine, I know.)

I wrote about beautiful a while back. Not pretty, not cute, but the power of beautiful. My goal this Spring, is to feel that way. To, perhaps for the first time, love myself.

If there’s any answer maybe love can end the madness, maybe not, oh, but we can only try…

For who I am- not what someone needs me to be, or wants me to be.

Beautiful.

Because you know, I got the fever…

13 Comments:

Blogger Ms. Moon said...

Yes.

12:59 PM  
Blogger Sue J said...

You're gonna find, yes you will
That you're beautiful as you feel


Ah, Tapestry. I wore that album out, girl!

1:58 PM  
Anonymous Carol Rood said...

Sara,

I appreciated your post very much. I lived for many years in Northern Indiana, and remember the gray days and snow and cold. It was pure joy when we saw the first Robin and knew spring was coming. :-)

"If I don’t believe in myself, why should anyone else? If I don’t trust my strength, no one else can."

Those are wise words, and I hope you can find your beauty and strength.

Hang in there. I look forward to reading more as you enter into this journey.

9:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

11:58 PM  
Blogger Sara said...

oh my oh my. enough with that ad.

10:37 PM  
Anonymous donald said...

i think we are all ready for some spring renewal!

7:50 AM  
Blogger Jacob Woods said...

Winter depression is a killer!

7:37 PM  
Blogger Rev. Bob said...

Next week: March! The start of finding all the toys we left out in the yard and how winter transformed them.

12:19 AM  
Blogger Fahd said...

marvelous

7:51 PM  
OpenID revbob said...

You get this better than anybody I know: beauty is in doing, not in having. But I'd be willing to make an exception for a nice piece of Chihuly. ;)

10:44 PM  
Blogger It's not a phase said...

Hi!
My name is Clara and I study Advertising and PR in the University of Girona (Catalonia). We were asked to create a blog about whatever we wanted. I chose LGBT news as my topic. We were asked to get in touch with people who, in some way, were related to our blog and encourage them to comment our posts, follow us or add us on their blogrolls. As you will see it's in Catalan, but there's a translator in English which is quite reliable ^^ However, in some time I try to translate it myself ;)

I found your blog and I thought you could be interested ;)

Here's the link:
http://itsnotaphase.blogspot.com

I really hope you like it.
Thanks for your time ;)

2:41 PM  
Blogger J said...

New Batteries?

Celebrate, bay-bee

7:46 PM  
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4:04 AM  

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