Too Much Hate

I drove up to Oakley, California today to check polling locations and also went through Pittsburg, and Bentwood, all small towns north of San Francisco.

It was the hardest day I've had here, by far.

Everywhere there were Yes on 8 signs, no where No on 8 signs. Neighborhood after neighborhood, signs were on lawns of suburban houses not unlike my own. I came across two small Yes on 8 "rallies" at intersections, and people where honking and cheering in support.

I wanted to cry.

I feel so hopeless right now. It is an old feeling the roots from long, long ago. I'm surprised it has not come up before now. Maybe because I still had more to give, more to do, more to write.

I don't. I'm exhausted by the argument that I'm a normal human being. I swear, I'm going to go shave my head. Why bother trying to fit in? What good does it do? I have no more money to give and I leave tomorrow to go home.

Over and over, I saw little suburban boxes all lined up. How easily I could be in one of those houses. How many LGBT people are in them? One in ten, as they say, feels so lonely. I hope there are two in twenty- or more.

This fight will leave deep scars. No matter what.

We almost had to do this in Massachusetts. How many of my neighbors would have put up the hateful signs? I like to think none but I know I would have driven by some every day.

It feels like "You don't belong." Countless numbers of LGBT youth kill themselves over that message every year.

I am deeply grateful to all those who worked on the Massachusetts campaign. I feel even more protective of my state- we can never let this happen.

I don't want to take away the right of those twenty men on one corner, all shouting out cruel things. I only want to have the same rights. Why is that so threatening? If you don't want to be married to someone, then don't do it! Is that really rocket science?

It was a hard day today. The polls show this so close every single vote will count. Driving around, I have never felt so hated before in my life. Just because of who I love.

The campaign office is still full of energy and enthusiasm. I'm certain a great deal comes from Red Bull and coffee, but not a single person has let up.

If we lose on Tuesday, it won't be because there was not enough effort. It will be because there is too much hate.