Moving Forward

Denver... you have to love a city where they don't run you down when you're in the crosswalk. And everyone is actually in the crosswalk.

Strange for a Bostonian to see.

The community continues to digest the Prop 8 loss. Sure, people are talking about AZ and FL but the focus is on California. What went wrong? How could we have lost? Will we ever win a ballot question or are we destined to lose them forever?

The most productive statement came from Nadine Smith, of Equality Florida. We must, she said, be out on every form, every moment, of every waking day. If we travel, we fill out forms as married people. If we file taxes? We file as married people. When ever, where ever we can, we must identify ourselves.

It's Harvey Milk's message. It continues to be relevant.

It is an act of non-violent civil disobedience. We must refuse to be considered single when we are families.

There is still a level of finger pointing going on that makes me very uncomfortable. I don't see the point. Positive messages, like Ms. Smith's, is where we need to focus our energy.

Let's move forward, folks.

Massachusetts Equality Under Attack?

“We’re much encouraged by the results in California, and there’s no doubt in our minds, had ,” said Kris Mineau, president of the Massachusetts Family Institute, which opposes gay marriage.

Yes, that is a Massachusetts based group. After failing on June 14th, 2007 to get their ballot to ban marriage equality here, they had previously slunk back into their holes to shed another layer of skin, I suppose.

Now they are back. Feeling bold, they dusted off all their old literature and are considering another run at making marriage between a "man and a woman" only here in Massachusetts.

While I am tempted to say, "Bring it on," as our esteemed President Bush did, I know better. It cost trillions more dollars with Bush's bravado, and I will not cost the LGBT one extra dollar necessary.

Honestly, like watching the raccoons that live in my back tree, I feel the need to live and let live. They are a tiny group of people that feed on main stream media's need to have "the other side's" point of view. They come out and make a mess of things but are mostly harmless.

Except when they are rabid. The raccoons are not. Kris Mineau, I'm afraid, is. If he thinks he could have changed the constitution of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts with a popularity vote, he hasn't read the document very closely.

It's simply bravado, not unlike Mr. Bush.

I am keenly aware though, that we must be vigilant to protect our victories and continue to push forward. We want a trans-inclusive civil rights bill passed this year in Massachusetts. We have the first same sex marriages taking place in Connecticut on Wednesday. We are close in Vermont, New York and New Jersey.

California was a huge loss for us not only in that a minorities rights was put up to a popularity vote and we lost but also because of the message it sends to the nutwings like Kris Mineau.

He thinks he could have won?

Perhaps he still believes in Santa, too.

We can laugh but we must remain vigilant. This is not to be taken lightly. Rights are free to give, and expensive to keep.

Massachusetts has always been Ground Zero for the right. Let's be sure they never win here.

Phyllis Lyon- What Will She Do?

As I wait in the airport- lucky me, my plane was "broken" and we're waiting for another one- I keep wondering about Del Martin's widow, Phyllis Lyon.

They married, after being together over fifty years. Finally, they had rights, finally their relationship was recognized.

And then Del died on August 27th, 2008.

What will happen to Phyllis? How will it effect her ability to inherit on a state level?

More importantly, how could anyone take that certificate away from Phyllis?

It is an unbelievable act of cruelty, to have lost one's life love and to turn around and lose something they fought for so long.

Forget Arnold, and Reagan, and Obama and the ads blasting the airwaves for one final day. Forget the DNC- as they have forgotten us- but please, let's all hold Phyllis Lyon in our hearts today.

What will she do?

Too Much Hate

I drove up to Oakley, California today to check polling locations and also went through Pittsburg, and Bentwood, all small towns north of San Francisco.

It was the hardest day I've had here, by far.

Everywhere there were Yes on 8 signs, no where No on 8 signs. Neighborhood after neighborhood, signs were on lawns of suburban houses not unlike my own. I came across two small Yes on 8 "rallies" at intersections, and people where honking and cheering in support.

I wanted to cry.

I feel so hopeless right now. It is an old feeling the roots from long, long ago. I'm surprised it has not come up before now. Maybe because I still had more to give, more to do, more to write.

I don't. I'm exhausted by the argument that I'm a normal human being. I swear, I'm going to go shave my head. Why bother trying to fit in? What good does it do? I have no more money to give and I leave tomorrow to go home.

Over and over, I saw little suburban boxes all lined up. How easily I could be in one of those houses. How many LGBT people are in them? One in ten, as they say, feels so lonely. I hope there are two in twenty- or more.

This fight will leave deep scars. No matter what.

We almost had to do this in Massachusetts. How many of my neighbors would have put up the hateful signs? I like to think none but I know I would have driven by some every day.

It feels like "You don't belong." Countless numbers of LGBT youth kill themselves over that message every year.

I am deeply grateful to all those who worked on the Massachusetts campaign. I feel even more protective of my state- we can never let this happen.

I don't want to take away the right of those twenty men on one corner, all shouting out cruel things. I only want to have the same rights. Why is that so threatening? If you don't want to be married to someone, then don't do it! Is that really rocket science?

It was a hard day today. The polls show this so close every single vote will count. Driving around, I have never felt so hated before in my life. Just because of who I love.

The campaign office is still full of energy and enthusiasm. I'm certain a great deal comes from Red Bull and coffee, but not a single person has let up.

If we lose on Tuesday, it won't be because there was not enough effort. It will be because there is too much hate.

The “Call” at Qualcomm Stadium- Translation Needed!

Can someone please tell me where in the Bible Jesus spoke tongues? Because they are babbling away at Qualcomm Stadium today in his name.

Personally, I don’t think Jesus was a freak like the group filing in to protect marriage against the end of times- equal rights to all.

After hours of fasting, folks filed into Qualcomm Stadium boasting of 70,000 people were on their way to fight the evils of Equality in the state constitution.

Try 7,100, tops.

Even the Knights of Columbus did a solemn march to the event.




Where were their funny little cars?

When the going gets tough, the tough does great video editing to make it look full. It wasn’t. Although there were folks milling into the press box speaking tongues.

I guess that’s because they were hungry and the press had pizza.

I wonder where God is on this debate about treating people as different and taking away their rights. I don’t believe in God. I wish I could sometimes but I don’t.

But for those who do, I have to ask- do you think God would be nasty? Hateful? So many parts of the Bible focus on being kind, helping one another, and justice. I mean, the Jews got kicked all over the desert, and I don’t think God liked that.

Jesus, was after all, Jewish.

I wonder about all those people going to church. I walked up to the Grace Cathedral earlier. It’s a beautiful building, obviously built with a great deal of passion.

There is a Keith Haring AIDS Chapel altarpiece. It is a welcoming space. Even as an atheist I feel a sense of belonging. Maybe it’s because I’m in the heart of San Francisco and everywhere feels welcoming to me. I’m asked my gender preference- sir or miss- respectfully.

I guess those Christians have different rules than other Christians. It’s very confusing as an outsider. The Evangelicals think their version is it. The Catholics, theirs, and the Episcopal’s are more forgiving but they think they are right.

And we haven’t even hit the Protestants.

I wonder how this fits into legal rights because last I looked there is a separation of church and state. If marriage is all about religion then government should not recognize it.

End of discussion.

I walked the labyrinth. I might not be religious but I can be quietly spiritual. As I moved through it I kept thinking, what kind of person hates so deeply? I have been angry with people in my life- furious in fact. But hate, as I tell my kids, is a powerful emotion that only hurts you.

Never the other person.

I’m not sure that’s really true. I am hurt by the hate. I see myself as incredibly average. I write part time, I stay home with my kids, and I do all the suburban housewife activities. Nothing out of the ordinary, to be honest.

Yet all those swaying, crying, singing, dancing folks out in San Diego today are preparing to “defeat” me. To save the world against my kind.

I wonder… who will save us against them?

It’s ironic because I cannot even imagine taking away their rights to babble on, or to hold a gathering in a stadium, or their right to be recognized as equal citizens. I don’t agree with them, they basically scare me, but I still believe they have rights.

Why can’t they practice the Golden Rule? Would they want me to organize to take away their rights?

Vote No on Prop. 8 in California this Tuesday and maybe they’ll all go have some dinner and settle down. Realize they are a part of a diverse state, with many people of many different religions.

Rights are rights and, as the California Courts ruled, one group cannot be discriminated against simply because another group doesn’t like them.

It’s the same in every language- even tongues.

It's Hard to be Good

The news out here in CA is the hacking of the No on 8 website. It seems there was a coordinated attack on the CA site and FL, No on 2, site.

Nice.

I've heard over and over again, it's so hard to be good. Why can't we deploy these scummy tactics? Why don't we hack their websites? Create outrageous lies in our ads to scare people into voting our way?

Because we see ourselves as the good guys. We can't stoop that low. I know that's right but sometimes, I get so frustrated, I just want to win.

We won't. Of course we won't. We're not willing to give up our ideals, our morals, our beliefs. Someone should remind the Log Cabin Republicans of that.

I'm going out to a women's event in Oakland today.

Senator Barbara Boxer and Congresswoman Barbara Lee will kick off “Women’s No on 8 BYOCell – Cell Phone Call to Action,” aimed at rallying Democratic women to actively work to defeat Prop 8. Senator Boxer, Congresswoman Lee, Assemblywoman Loni Hancock, and Women’s Foundation of California Chair Elmy Bermejo will hold a press conference at Everett & Jones Barbecue in Oakland as volunteers call women voters to urge them to go to the polls on November 4th and cast their ballots against Prop 8.

Come if you can. Look for me- I'll have on a Mass Equality button. I'll buy you a beer to go with that barbecue.

We'll do what we do best- call, ask, plead our case. Gather together to remember, if nothing else, that this is the right thing to do.

And the right way to do it.

Armageddon in California

I have a question for all those religious groups are pouring money into California to try and make a constitutional amendment to limit access to legal contracts – and that is what marriage is, a legal contract first and foremost- we’re not going away. They are funding discrimination in the name of Jesus.

I am a suburban lesbian mom. I live in Massachusetts. Last I checked, the end of the world has not occurred. No plagues, no locusts, no hell fire and damnation. I am married to a woman I have spent the last 18 years of my life with. We have three kids. We pay taxes and support our community. Recognizing us with the same dignity and respect as everyone else has not changed the divorce rate amongst heterosexuals.

Nor has it lead to teaching sexuality in kindergarten.

Society has not crumbled. I know the right wing would like you to think it has but last I looked, it’s all pretty much the same.

The irony about this is how I teach my kids tolerance for the people who would dissolve my marriage. Who would throw me into conversion therapies to make me “right.” I tell them its okay for other people to have a different opinion.

It’s just not okay to take away someone else’s rights because of those opinions.

We all need to learn a little more tolerance. We all need to stop for a moment and ask ourselves, deep down- how will this truly change my life?

California is no different that Massachusetts. The world will not end. It’s not Armageddon. And when people tried to take our rights away? We fought back. We’re fighting back in California. James Dobson and his crew can pound the airwaves with hateful messages, they can liked us to pedophiles, they can say that it’ll lead to people marrying donkeys or their brothers or mothers. They can put small children’s faces on the TV with their innocent eyes and say somehow our loving, committed relationships will lead to their demise.

I don’t quite understand that but maybe that’s because I’m raising three kids and I have seen no lack of morality in them. Except maybe when they finish the orange juice and put the empty carton back in the refrigerator.

The reality is, if we lose in California? We will continue to fight. We’ll go to the courts, we’ll draft legislation, and we’ll keep fighting until we have equality. We’ll raise money, they’ll raise money. Millions wasted over something that doesn’t cost a dime.

If you are tired of the argument, tired of the ridiculous warning that the world will end, please reach into your weary wallets and give one more time. Let’s finish this so California can go on to tackle bigger issues like Education, Health Care, and the budget crisis.

It’s not Armageddon. No one is going to take away anyone’s right to preach the evils of homosexuality. No one is going to marry his or her dog. Four years we’ve had equality in Massachusetts.

Nothing has changed. My partner is my wife now. We have legal rights. People who hate me still hate me. They still get to preach every Sunday about how evil I am.

The only people who have anything to lose? Are all the families, like mine, across California and all of our straight allies who want their kids to grow up in a country that believes in equality. Fairness.

Cabbies Know Best

I was at a table of volunteers, all calling people. It’s wild here right now. Calling for volunteers, calling for Election Day visibility. There is a volunteer coordinator who is a clone of my sister in law, Tonita who is giving out instructions.

Nice but direct.

No one has made calls before but their packets are great. Cell phones provided if need be. Long lists. Text to read. Nervous questions asked about what was the right thing to fill out on the forms. Do you leave a message or just hang up?

Never leave a message, I said. It’s too easy to ignore.

At my table there were several young, gay men. An older straight woman who had been to Reno to knock on doors for Obama and felt this was the most important thing to do right now. Everyone started off slowly reading the lines, starting to roll after a while. Mostly people called are willing to be engaged at some level.

It’s easier to do this in a room full of people.

Money, however, is hard to raise. Tapped out. Broke. Can’t do more.

I understand, fully, the feeling- and the reality. Since the primaries, it’s been call after call, looking for political donations. I don’t ever remember a time when so much has been asked for.

Or so much was at stake.

I keep looking over my lists, who else can I call? Who are the straight allies I can ask? Even a couple hundred dollars makes a difference right now. (I know that feels like a lot but please understand, I’m used to asking for much more.)

I took a cab back- I’m kind of a baby about public transportation when I’m tired. First thing in the morning is fine but… I have my limits.

Okay, I’m kind of a big baby in general.

The cab driver was an old stoner from the 1960’s, with a long, gray ponytail. How do you like San Francisco, he asked.

I love it, I said. It’s a beautiful city.

He asked why I was here and I explained I came out to work on Prop 8. I did not mention which side but seeing that he picked me up in the Castro, it was an easy guess.

No on 8! He said loudly. Stupid rednecks need to just shut up.

I agreed.

Even the Republicans think it’s stupid. It’ll fail. There is no way it’ll pass.

I hope not, I said. A lot of money has come into the state to tell you all what to do.

After pulling what could only be deemed a Boston driving move, he said, There are enough right-minded people. It’ll never pass.

We then went on to discuss why Californians were so mellow.

It’s the pot, he said. We have great weed out here.

Indeed.

I found it funny that his voice was even, calm, and had that California lilt to it. And yet he drove like a maniac. I do believe, though, Cabbies often know the pulse of their city better than most. They always know where to get great food. I guess San Francisco is a no-brainer- but he seemed certain about the state.

You have a little Bostonian in you, I said as we pulled up.

He laughed. Just a little during rush hour.

The rented space for No on 8 was full when I left. Hundreds of people sitting at tables making calls. The energy was high. People are nervous.

Not my cabbie, though. I hope he’s right.

Temporary Change of Address

I am leaving for San Francisco tomorrow morning. I will be working on the No on Prop. 8 campaign. I have no idea what I'll be doing until I get there.

I'm excited, nervous, but I am ready to do something, anything, to make a difference. I cannot sit by another day and watch. I have to be active. While the Obama campaign is enormously important right now, I have to go work for my cause, my people.

Not many straight people are willing to take to the phones, streets, for LGBT causes but are willing to work for Obama.

We need to change that but for now, I'll go where I feel I can make the most impact.

My wife said GO. I'm not sure if it's because she cannot stand my nudgy/anxious behavior or because she knows I need to do this. Probably both.

Jeanine will be covering the home front for 8 days- that's a long long time for her. LONG. I'll be blogging from San Francisco, a temporary change of address but back for election day here.

If the world goes to hell, I want to be here with my family. I need to be here with my family.

Save The Children

I’ve had enough.

I’m tired of being treated like some freak that needs to be carefully sidestepped at every election as if supporting my marriage is touching the third rail. I’m tired of the rhetoric that “gay marriage” will be taught in classrooms across the land and small children will be exposed to sexuality in inappropriate ways if equality is given to all.

The children, oh, please, save the children.

The newest ploy in California to take away equal rights is to use Massachusetts, my home state, as an example of all that will go wrong. Children will be “forced” to learn about gay families.

They may even be exposed to a book, “King and King,” that on one page? Shows two men kissing.

Oh, the horror. I have to admit, any time my kids’ see my wife and I give each other a peck, they do shriek in disgust. The same way all kids do when they see their parents express affection.

What makes me the angriest is not the stones they are throwing at me- bring it on- but the effect it has on my kids. My kids aren’t gay. They have gay parents. Should their teacher have to send out a permission form every time one of my kids mentions his parents? If they draw a picture of their family, does it require parental notification?

Is that what we want in our schools? A lock down on anything different?

The people so concerned with the “children” are clearly not concerned with mine at all. While it’s fine for my son’s fifth grade teacher to come in and share pictures and stories about her heterosexual marriage ceremony, it’s suddenly all about sexual behavior when a lesbian or gay man does it.

I will admit, all my kids did, in fact, talk about our wedding at school. It was historic, it was about social change and you know what they discussed? The chocolate fountain at the reception. The giant bouquets of hostess Twinkies, ho ho’s and cupcakes.

They are kids. They have lives they want to share with their friends. Why should they be singled out for different treatment because of who their parents are? Can you even imagine anyone recommending doing this to kids of interracial marriages?

Proposition 8 supporters are running ads with little children asking their heterosexual parents about men with men, and women with women. Funny thing is, with all those heterosexual teachers at school, some parading around with pregnant bellies, and I have never once had my kids ask about heterosexual sex practices.

Nor do they come home and ask, Mommy? Can a man and woman get married? And it’s not solely because kids are awash in 24/7 media images of men and women together, often sexually, but because they don’t really care.

They care about their worlds. Soccer games. Playdates. Chocolate fountains.

And so what if kids do come home and ask about gay families? If you’re really such a bigot, just spew out all the hateful things you have to say about homosexuality. See it as a teachable moment.

Son, if you grow up to be gay, we’ll disown you, the church will shun you and in fact, you’ll burn in hell. Now go do your homework.

I’m tired of being treated like some leper that will infect children with horrible values simply by being acknowledged. I’ve got news for those folks- I’m a parent, first and foremost. I’m also a wife, a writer, a neighbor, a friend, a colleague, and a pretty damn good cook. I coach my son’s soccer team, I fold laundry and I make my kids brush their teeth. I volunteer at the school on occasion even though on top of it all, I’m a big ol’ lesbian.

The kids don’t care. They just want someone to help tie their shoes, or pick out a library book.

Save the children? Don’t believe it for a second. They only want to save a hateful way of seeing the world through very narrow eyes.

No on Prop 8 Theme Song

California continues to be very close. More money, time and energy are needed to fight Prop. 8, a proposition to take away Marriage Equality.

I was sent a great theme song for the fight for our heterosexual allies.



The only problem is it seems she doesn't know it's "teh gays."

Thanks, Mandy!

On the Bright Side...

Oil fell to under 90 bucks a barrel today... gas will be cheaper.

Of course, you may not have a job to drive to but I'm trying to be positive. Today's market crash- almost a free fall in the middle of the day- is a reality check. We're in a deep recession, contrary to Mr. Gramm said it being in our heads.

And on the brink of a depression.

I don't know about any of you, but my mother used to tell stories of the Great Depression all the time. She, a woman of considerable wealth in her old age, would fold paper towels used but not ruined, in half and place them on the top of the roll.

Waste not, want not.

Meanwhile, in California, the proposition to make marriage between one man and one woman gains considerable strength. They are currently ahead in the polls and have out raised the good guys- that would be the marriage equality folks- 22 million dollars to 15 million dollars.

It makes me frustrated. What can I do?

I can beg all of you to donate whatever you can. Time, energy- if you are in MA, get in touch with me. There is a place to do phone banking and I can hook you up. If you are not, give.

I mean, hey, gas is getting cheaper.

Seriously, there is no win in this. Giving at a time you should be saving is against every fiber of my own good sense, let alone yours.

But give, we must.

I can say, without hesitation, if you give, give to The Equality California group. They are the group with the most organization, the most people on the ground, and doing the most collaboration between other groups.


My mother also loved a dollar well spent. This is it.

If you can only give 10 bucks? Do. It's what those right wing freaks are getting at church every Sunday as they pass the collection baskets- a clear violation of non-profit rules. They know and they simply don't care. It's that big to them.

So many people will give to Obama. I applaud that. But so few will give to LGBT rights. If you read this blog, you have read about my family. My kids.

Give for them.

Please.

If we lose? Let's at least know we did all we could. All we can.