Baseball Pants and Global Warming

I know why global warming is escalating. I know why the temperature on this earth is rising exponentially everyday.

And it’s not ExxonMobil’s fault. Rex Tillerson can take the day off and relax.

It’s the white pants baseball players’ wear.

Do you have any idea how many times I have to wash the boys’ white pants covered dirt, mud and, at times, ketchup, to get them clean? Water, Shout, laundry detergent, and a gas dryer, going going going, three, four times before the pants come out a dingy white still with ghost grass stains at the knees.

Take pride in your uniform, the coach says. And I agree but I also know before they leave the house, they are covered with dirt again. What’s the point?

Peer pressure. I had another mom once say to me she never lets her kids out of the house with a stain on their clothes. My kids would never leave the house if I kept up that rule. I used to draw the line with obnoxious characters or blatant advertising on their clothes but my wonderful sister sent so many over the years, I gave up. At least they weren’t stained when they first came out of the package. For some reason, the neon colored Yu-Gi-Oh shirts seem to stay in great shape, too.

Forget about hybrids, solar panels and wind turbines. Change all baseball pants to black and watch the energy use per suburban household drop precipitously. Why do they have to be white anyway?

My friend said to show they slid into home plate.

Well, they’re not sliding into home plate. They are seven and nine years old. They’re sliding down the hill in the backyard. They’re sliding into each other before the game even starts. I’m their mother. I promise to take a picture when they slide into home plate.

They were all sparkling clean on opening day. I think.

In the meantime, I’ll do my best to wash once and look away. My kids may have stains but I can take pride in saving the planet.