Friday, November 14, 2008

Pondering the Question

I got really nervous the other day when I found out some people were reading my blog. Not just the possibility of Ben's classmate but also folks in organizations that I respect deeply.

Oh my.

I froze for a while. I didn't know what to say that would be articulate, bright, witty and not boring dull stuff like... my cats.

Mind you, today I have people working in the house. I locked the cats in the office with me. They were not happy.

I feared for my life.

Finally, after their howling, clawing at the doors, I let them out. They have to use the litter, I thought.

Immediately, they went to their food bowl. It had been a full hour, you know. They had almost starved to death.

Do I change my voice knowing specifically who is reading? I don't think I can. Some people disagree with me about the Mormon church. I appreciate that but I will not back off from calling for an end to protesting at their church steps.

I speak for myself and my views only on this blog. While I sit on a couple different boards, under no circumstance should my blog ever be seen as any of the organizations opinions or goals.

My kids know I write about them. I can't tell you how many times they ask, are you going to blog about that Mom?

Sometimes I do.

My goal is to make people understand we are all different, as my son Zachary eloquently put it the other day.

And we are all pretty much the same.

Finding a place of clarity is not easy for me. It may seem that way at times by the words I write. People send me emails, articles, and requests for stories to be posted.

I do my best to consider all sides ... except when I get mad. Then I tend to fire off a blazing response.

My readership has taken a big leap forward in recent months. I've tried to be respectful of that and not post something just to post something. I long ago gave up my every day, no matter what, posting. I come close but I have learned to be easy on myself when I simply cannot come up with something worthwhile.

My children are getting older. The thought that there are posts about them as young children trying to figure out which side their penis should rest in their pants may not be their first choice to have out in the world.

It does, however, make us human. Reachable as a family.

I ponder the questions over and over again. Should I do this? Does it put my family at risk? Does anyone even care? Should I stick only to politics? Only to family life? Should I simply write "fiction?"

My fiction is never really fiction, though.

I don't honestly know the answers. But I will keep asking them.

Mostly? I wanted to say thank you for reading. The new, and especially the old timers who have been here, checking in daily, seeing what's up, and reading.

Even if it is about the cats.

Thank you.

16 Comments:

Blogger Ms. Moon said...

I think all of us who try to be responsible struggle with this one. What is bloggable and what is not? Why should I do this and why DO I do this?
I think of a blog as something like my house and people are invited in to visit. There are things on public display and things which are not.
You have a voice and I think, for one, you should continue to use it. It's part of the whole.

3:16 PM  
Blogger Sara said...

ooo, like my closets in my house. don't be opening them up for a peek. no no no.

3:55 PM  
Anonymous Bil Browning said...

I can sympathize entirely, Sara. I went through the same freezing moment when you realize people are actually reading what you've written.

And my decision about family was this: until she was a teenager, I never used Paige's name on the blog. Now I'll use her first name but never her last name or any identifying details like the name of her school.

4:49 PM  
Anonymous Bil Browning said...

I forgot the most important part!

People reads your blog because you're a great writer

There's a reason why you're one of my favorite contributors to TBP. You have a unique and distinctive voice that wraps around you and leads you into the story.

4:51 PM  
Blogger Adventures in Babymaking said...

Towards the beginning of my blog I got comments that I was putting in TMI regarding trying to get pregnant. I finally put a disclaimer out that the blog was my place to process and I hoped it would help others on their journey one day. I wrote that I would no longer be self editing and they were free to not read if they chose.

You deserve your space. Write what is comfortable and for those things you don't want available to everyone else...put them on real paper and burn them. You get to process w/o sharing.

I understand your struggle. I think real bloggers always wonder is this TMI?

4:52 PM  
Blogger Sara said...

well, I can't write about sex because jeanine's mom reads the blog and ... well... I just can't.

weezie meter.

5:32 PM  
Anonymous Laura said...

Its YOUR blog...you post what you want.

Thats what its about.

Its like TV, radio or anything else. People CHOOSE to tune in or out. If they dont like it - they dont have to return.

And thank YOU! You always manage to make me think, laugh or cry on any given day.

10:09 PM  
Blogger Rev. Bob said...

I'll always be here with admiration and off-the wall comments and stupid advice.

As a great man once said,

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and desert you.

I wrote a more serious comment on the other article.

2:01 AM  
Anonymous donald said...

so sara, that's why you had me put the doors on those closets! LOL

keep writing just as you have, on a whole range of issues, and stay true to yourself!

7:26 AM  
Anonymous donald said...

so sara, that's why you had me put the doors on those closets! LOL

keep writing just as you have, on a whole range of issues, and stay true to yourself!

7:26 AM  
Blogger Sara said...

oh, donald, you KNOW what is inside them!!!

and how scary it is.

9:57 AM  
Blogger Seda said...

Sara, I treasure both the view into your family, and your astute (IMHO) politics. I struggle with the same issues, but I find more and more I'm willing to put myself out there, honestly and openly.

Still, like someone said, it's your blog. You get to choose.

Cool, isn't it?

11:20 AM  
Anonymous donald said...

oh sara, you don't scare me. neither does the stuff in your messy closets! LMAO

10:22 PM  
Blogger Suzy said...

please don't edit yourself. I love living vicarously (not sure if I spelled that right to late to look for the dictionary and Ian is sleeping) through you. And I have learn so much from reading your writing because it sparks an interest to learn more and be better informed. And thanks to you my inner rebel has peaked out a little bit here and there lately.(not sure if that is something I am thankful for lol) Love you, Love your writing, Keep doing what your doing.
ttfn

2:13 AM  
Blogger Rev. Bob said...

(tap tap tap)

You missed Caturday.

So much for blog freedom.

5:38 PM  
Blogger Sara said...

HA! I'll make up for it, bob, I will..

7:24 AM  

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