Tuesday, May 12, 2009

I'm Here

I'm here. Finally.

I thought I was coming into major fog season but in fact, the sun is out, the sky almost clear, and it feels like it might get to a rockin' 60 degrees today.

I won't mention how cold it was last night.

I have so many books to choose from up here it's hard to know where to start... my first choice might be The Floating Brothel. Kinda matches the sounds of the lobster boats on the water.

I am struck by how quiet it is here.

A friend of mine said, it will take a few days to get over the need to be busy, the loneliness. I don't really feel much of a need to be busy, although the place does need a good cleaning, the kerosene lamps all need tending to, wick cut and filled with new oil.


The furniture all needs to be set up but that's Allan's job. The compost toilet needs emptying too, but that's Walter's job. I think I'll save both for them.

The shore is littered with bleach bottles from the lobster boats. I will pick those up. The tide is already coming in so no mussels for dinner tonight.

Charlie Crist, (R-Closet as my friend Steven says) is considering a run for senate, even though he was outed in the recent movie, Outrage. Obama made a great wink wink joke at the White House correspondents dinner the other night- he is without a doubt for marriage equality. I hope he stands up and says it clearly soon. The world of politics, the economy spinning, is all merrily going on it's way.

And I can hear the sea gulls, the wind and water. Nothing else.

I'm here. Mostly, but not all of me yet. As I went to bed last night, the silence shook me a little. There is still that edge of fear tapping me on the shoulder, telling me perhaps the ax murderer isn't worried about mud season and is on his way.

I know this is the safest place on earth for me. The woods have always been my haven, where no one could reach me tucked under an arch of fallen tree limbs of my youth. The fear keeps me from being present.

This is a moment I've waited for, like so many others in my life. I won't let fear win.

It is far to special a moment.


Blogger Ms. Moon said...

I'm with you in spirit. I have my own place to go to be alone and sometimes it is wonderful and sometimes it is hard.
But the wonderfulness usually outweighs the difficulties.
Enjoy. Be at peace.

2:01 PM  
Blogger Sue J said...

It sounds wonderful. Nice that you're saving jobs for the fellas. I'm sure they'll appreciated feeling needed... LOL!

2:23 PM  
Anonymous donald said...

glad you made it through the first night. hope the kayaking was good this afternoon. there were a whole bunch of loons over here this afternoon, so yours should be around. see you thursday night. bob and mary are looking forward to a good game of euchre.

4:54 PM  
Blogger Lula de Montes said...

why the bleach?

And you are only as safe as you feel. So rest your weary mind and wait for those loons.

5:10 PM  
Blogger Rev. Bob said...

I'm looking forward to your essays in short form prose (tweets).

2:44 AM  
Blogger Sara said...

maybe donald can answer why the bleach. I think they use it on the ropes that hold the traps to keep stuff from growing on them. all I can say is there is always a lot of empty bleach bottles on the beaches here.

prose a comin'...

8:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

the empty bleach bottles are used to untangle pots that are stuck. you pull the slack and tie off the rope to the bottle and as it floats the line works itself out.

7:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

also, sometimes lobstermen put egg-bearing lobsters into bleach to remove the eggs. then there is no evidence that there were eggs or sacs. the practice allows the female lobsters to be sold.

7:55 PM  

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