Faith Community and LGBT Community Come Together

I went to a funeral today. Of a little boy. 11 years old. He lay in the coffin, in a grown up suit, dead.

So little.

He killed himself last week because he was taunted, over and over, for being gay. Who knows if he was, or wasn't- not really the point. He was a sweet kid, they said, who loved to sing and dance. Very bright.

The school did not respond to his mother's repeated attempts to have the bullying addressed, to have it stopped. Instead, they sentenced the kid to have lunch with his abuser, for five straight days.

He told his mother he was suspended. It seems he was desperate to get out of those lunches. When they proceeded, anyway, he hung himself. It was too much.

I went today with a friend. The woman sitting next to her told her it wasn't the first time. There had been two other students at the same school, who suffered the same taunting. One girl, one boy. The girl tried to kill herself, her mother found her OD'ed on pills and got her to the hospital in time. The boy left the school, to pursue music.

This is baked in, deeply rooted homophobia. And just like baked in, deeply rooted racism affects us all, so does the homophobia. Sitting in that church today, I knew one thing for certain- This community of African-American Pentecostal church members and the gay community have a great deal in common.

A dead little boy.

If there is ever a time to make that bridge, it's now. No where in the national media is this story. No where. Is it because he was poor and black? Maybe. Is it because he was called gay and we're just not going to deal with that? Maybe.

I don't really care. I want to make that bridge. Because together, I think we can change things.

One of my sons is eleven. He came home from school and saw the picture on the service program.

I think I know him, he said. He looks... so familiar.

He doesn't, and didn't but ... we all do.

Please make this story get out in the media. We should be outraged it has not made the evening news, the NY Times, the talk show circuit. An eleven year old boy killed himself because he was bullied. Maybe the queer community is the only one who really understands.

Let's stand behind this family and make a roar so loud no one can ignore it.

Please.

Turned Corners

Zachary and Jake come home from camp today. I can't wait to see them and hear all about their adventures.

Ben admitted yesterday that being an only child was lonely. He missed his brothers. He actually missed them so much he went with Jeanine to pick them up.

Go figure.

I think we turned some corners this week. It's not perfect and we'll still have a ruckus tonight at some point. I understand a lot more about what Ben needs right now.

A lot of love, freedom and firm boundaries.

A friend called today and, in regard to another issue, likened the experience to being on an airplane. There are those who have bought a ticket and are sitting and there are those driving the plane.

Everyone needs to land safely.

Ben is in his seat but ready to drive the plane. In time, he will. It's hard to stay seated until the plane comes to a complete stop. And until you land on a river and survive, it's hard to appreciate what goes on in the cockpit.

We'll all get there.

Nature of the Beast

More shopping is the plan for the day. I'm doing my best to help the economy. Well, Ben is doing his best to help the economy.

The week has been sweet so far. I don't want to leave. Ben is in a great mood, we're having fun, no sassy back talk and he even just took out the vacuum without any complaints.

The only drawback is every day he takes a shower, I have to wait an hour before I can. Not a drop of hot water left after that boy.

It occurred to me, as I was walking along the beach today, that as I feel my own body relax, the pulse of going going going slow down, the effects are seen in Ben. He draws on my energy far more than the other two.

The catch is how to keep it when we get home.

I know exactly what will happen the minute his brothers return from winter camp. There will be immediate competition for who had the best time, who did the best things. It never comes from Zachary and Jake. I'm not sure there is anything I can do to avert the clash.

Maybe a few more long talks over lunch will help. Maybe it's simply the nature of the beast. If life were always vacation, then I would never get anything done.

I certainly can't keep shopping.

For now, I'm going to savor every moment. Fill the memory banks with the way I know Ben can be. When the pressure of life pushes both of our buttons, I'll remember how he snarfed down all my coleslaw at the restaurant, walking on the beach with the dog together, and cuddling on the couch watching TV.

And breathe before I open my mouth.

Quiet Sunday Morning

It's quiet this morning. Ben and Jake are at their dad's house and Zachary and his good friend are here munching in the other room on their most favorite sleepover breakfast- fried egg sandwiches.

These two are the sweetest of boys. They played video games last night for a while then went up to Zachary's room- and Zachary played his saxophone for his pal. Christmas songs.

Earlier in the night, Zachary had come up to me and said, Mom, you are so stressed.

I was. I couldn't deny it.

You need to relax, he said.

Too much to do, I said to him. He and his friend looked at me and shook their heads. I made no sense to their eleven year old minds. Recently, Zachary had compared me to Zeus and himself to Atlas.

You rule the sky, he had said. I just hold it up.

Such a middle child. And how foolish I must have sounded, as ruler of the sky, saying I could not take time to relax on a Saturday night. He knew he didn't HAVE to hold up the sky. There was Hercules to be tricked, after all.

Last week was absolutely insane for me. So much going on, many things to do. I've hardly had time to breathe. I need to slow down today. Take a walk. Read the paper.

And listen to the collective wisdom of two fabulous eleven year old boys.