The Real News Flash

Mom? Ben asked sweetly just a few moments ago.

Yes?

Do you think you could wake up at 5AM tomorrow and make me pancakes for breakfast?

Um... No.

Why not?

Ben... I'm not getting up to make pancakes from scratch on a school morning. No.

Mooooommmmm...

I shrug.

You are so mean. If you really cared about me, you'd do it.

NEWS FLASH: Suburban Lesbian mother's heart has been transplanted in Vice President Cheney. He was recently seen up at 5AM making pancakes for his grandchildren. His next stop was to purchase a new Volvo station wagon and a pair of Keens.

The Suburban Lesbian, on the other hand, has refused her children basic needs, issued flip flops and tank tops for winter protection and mapped out a strategy for her elementary school to take over two other resource rich suburban schools.