Monday, February 11, 2008

Who to Haunt?

My friend Suzy, whom I’ve known for about a million years, wrote me yesterday to tell me my mother has been haunting her dreams.

Funny, she’s been out of mine for a while. The last dream I had with her in it, we were very civil to each other, she helped me find something I needed and then we talked about a new cat she had.

In real life, I can say that I think about her every day. She was the sun, the moon and the stars to me for 43 years. That doesn’t go away overnight. Maybe it never will.

I haven’t written about her in a long time. I’m working on a longer piece. Our relationship could not possibly be squeezed into a few paragraphs on a blog.

I’ve been criticized about my decision to write about her. My mother was very private which is like saying the sun is a little warm. I, however, am not. I hope my story helps others in similar struggles. If not? Then it helps me to say it out loud.

We dealt with our narcissism in very different ways.

Someday my children will read what I have written. It is important to me to be as honest as possible and not fabricate an image of perfection in either my mother or myself. I am very much like my mother, pieces of which I am deeply proud of, pieces I am horrified by.

I’m sorry my mother is haunting your dreams, Suz. Try to remember that beneath all that judgmental bluster was a deeply insecure woman trying to make sense of her own decisions.

You know, just your friend you’ve known for a million years

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Anonymous Laura said...

My Mom and I are very close......but even so, at times she can hurt me deeper than anyone - and has.

I wonder if they realize the power they hold....although they would never see it that way.

1:29 PM  
Blogger Suzy said...

It was just creepy. She was so clear and her voice just the way I remember. Let me know if Eddie pops in on you.

4:34 PM  

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