Good, Bad, Beautiful and Ugly

What a day.

Let me start with some of the good stuff- my sister is happily ensconced in Ogunquit, and we spent her first weekend there with her, helping her get settled. The boys were all tremendously good all day yesterday, even with the rain. Last night, they were singing goofy songs and recording them on the computer.

Sometimes, they actually all enjoy being with each other - as long as no one else sees it happen. It was especially sweet to see Ben let go and be himself. He is, deep down, kind and gentle.

I'm going to be up in Maine next weekend, doing something, somewhere, to help with the ballot. I have felt incredibly anxious about getting there and actually working. I cannot let my most favorite state in the country go to the wolves of ignorance.

My sister is getting better. Every day is an improvement and while we don't talk about long term, we can talk about today. Today is good.

But when we got home today, Zachary and I looked all over for Charlotte Rose. She's the skinny sister of the two foster cats we adopted. About a month ago, in a regular vet visit, we found she had a serious heart problem. Every day, we've been giving her medicine, and when it actually got in her- she was not a fan of taking pills, lemme tell you- it seemed to help. Zachary couldn't find her- but I did. She was curled up, seemed asleep but she was dead.

Jeanine was here in the morning and heard her and Darcy, her sister, playing around, as they often did. Obviously, she went to nap. A few hours later, she was gone.

I've picked my cat, when I was still living at home, off the road after being hit by a car. I remember how devastating it was to hold her as she died. Nothing I could do. I held my sister's cat, just a few months ago, with it's neck broken from the dog, in a mixture of shock, outrage and guilt. It felt so small and helpless. Today, though, I found a 16 year old cat, who lived a long and good life, curled up in a favorite spot, gone.

I'm sad but mostly, I'm relieved. I'm glad Zachary didn't find her. I'm glad she was asleep. I'm glad I had the chance to have her as my kitty for a little while. She was a little arrogant (in a good, cat way) and loved to sleep under the covers. She was the smaller of the two sisters, but she always beat the crap out of the big one- but they never once drew blood or used their claws on each other.

Just like sisters, you know?

She loved to sit on my desk in the afternoon sun. Always, always on the pile of papers I was working on.

I'll miss her.

As if the Fates needed to drive it home to me once again, I hold the reality that sometimes life is good, bad, beautiful and ugly all in the same moment.

Got it.