Wednesday, September 02, 2009

The Pressure to Perform

I was just told by my lovely son Ben how he is going to get me some wrinkle cream for Christmas. He pointed to my forehead, my eyes, and said... here and here...

Just sayin', Mom.

Nice.

So poetry and beautiful words were easy in Downeast. Now we are home, back in Newton, back to reality. Not so easy anymore.

The reality is, I have a relatively small house. Built in 1910, rooms are small. It has not been added on, with the exception of a horrid addition in about 1970. Think fake wood and stucco.

It's packed to the gills with Jeanine's studio, studio stuff, old computers who are her long lost children, probably close to 500 technical manuals... my sweetie is a pack rat. I need her mom to come up and toss stuff.

She won't yell at her mom.

And her mom is the only one who can yell at her about all the crap she has everywhere.

It would be great to think Jake and Zachary could seamlessly share a room. That's not the case. The basement has to be cleaned up so the drums can fit there. Then rooms, beds, desks, shifted, balanced... in the meantime, Jake tells me he's not brushed his teeth for the last week because he couldn't find a toothbrush.

Ew. I mean... ew ew ew.

The camp laundry has been fermenting for an additional two weeks and I can barely stand the smell as I stuff it into the washer. Most loads have to be done twice. The towels all need to become cleaning rags because they are too far gone.

I'm trying to fit in a depressed, sick woman into this. I love my sister. There is no question. But I find myself beyond stressed in trying to make it all happen. Jeanine and I had a terrible fight last night. Steam popping from both of us, for no real reason except the pressure to perform.

Did I mention the Maine Campaign is in full swing and I've promised to work as hard as I can for it? I believe in Maine, I believe the vote can be won. But it won't be easy.

I want to open my house and I don't want to open it right this second. I'm caught without a moment to breathe, a desk full of promises and bills, my mother's estate, now years later, finally wrapping up.

And I have wrinkles. Clearly, bad ones.

One of the old cats (not the fat one, she's healthy as a horse) has heart issues and I have to chase her around twice a day and get some pills into her. Take her to the vet for another chest xray. Doing better, still not the best. My god, I think. She's 16 and still breathing. Still quite content to sit on my keyboard as I try to type. That's better enough for me.

It all felt doable in Downeast. It was simply a question of opening arms, and wanting to. Here I realize, it's not that easy. I finish a conference call and have to see if I'm headed to the emergency room today or not. Ben is hanging out with friends, Zachary and Jake over to Tom's Pizza for a slice, have the dogs gone out?

I love my sister. But I have no idea how I'm going to do all this.

24 Comments:

Anonymous Kori said...

You will find hidden resources of strength, and grace and peace will find you in the oddest places, at the strangest times, and you will do this becuase you love her. It won't be enough, but it will.

FYI: HOT HOT water, detergent, and a cup (a full cup) of baking soda in the longest wash cycle you have. It will save the towels. I promise.

3:42 PM  
Anonymous donald said...

take a deep breath, you can do this! you have lots of people that will help out, you just need to ask!

did you say you can get a copy of the ad that maine equality is playing on tv now? it is great, would make a nice post here and on facebook.

5:24 PM  
Blogger Judith B said...

Ahem.

I'd get him in the car, and drive by the orphanage. "that's where kids end up when their mom throws them out of the house. I'm just saying".

sheesh. ;-)

7:16 PM  
Blogger Ms. Moon said...

Hire some household help. Seriously. You CANNOT do it all by yourself. Sometimes grace is found in asking others for help. Teach the boys to do their own laundry. Baking soda is a good idea- so is Oxyclean, say what you will about Billy Mays.
You may have to let some things go right now. You know that so let them go and don't waste energy fighting.
And after all that blah, blah, blah, I just want to say I'm thinking of you and your beautiful life-worn face.

10:20 AM  
Anonymous Morgan said...

I had the great pleasure of assisting a friend of mine at "The Bite of Seattle" one year. She had just started a resturant and decided entering the festival would be great for her endeavor. She asked, I said sure I'd help, thinking I would be doing something mundane in the back of the booth. My assistance consisted of taking orders at the counter, making change and delivering the food. Yikes! There were thousands of people standing in front of that booth. It was very overwhelming. As long as I set my sights on the one person in front of me, I could continue the task. Oh, I still knew all the others were behind that one person, but it just help me to concentrate on the one right there and complete the task more efficiently in order to accomplish the big picture. When something came up I needed help with, I immediately asked. I knew I couldn't allow myself to get bogged down on one issue. This is long and insignificant to what you are faced with. There is a meaning to it though and as Donald states "you just need to ask". It is only you that expects you to do it all by yourself. Only you. We are waiting to know where you need us.

12:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Enjoy your time with your sister. If you believe the time will not be long, treasure every moment. I am sure many are willing to help you. You said your sister has always relied on the help and strength of strangers, maybe that help is still available for her, it would take away a little bit of the pressure on you.
Life is full of challenges, each one makes us stronger and wiser. Don't worry about the tally marks of experience. It is a gift.

1:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello! I'm newbie in Internet, can you give me some useful links? I know only about Yahoo [url=http://yahoo.com]Yahoo[/url] http://yahoo.com Yahoo

12:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

porn stars and aids Excellent post, after reading several articles on the subject realized that everything did not look on the other hand, a post once very interested. Excellent post, after reading several articles on the subject realized that everything did not look on the other hand, a post once very interested. Really? amazing. Do you RSS in a curve encoding! This unrivaled rasskau you also an interesting story .. Accidentally saw. Not expect. You read this and think .... A salary of between 5% per day

10:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

estim sex I do not know how the rest, but I liked it. Cool All zdryam! Today marked the second anniversary maintaining your blog. Congratulations on not imposing ourselves, we would like to know the author and perhaps a comment: and what time you run your resource? Frankly, had difficult moments, when visited by the thought to throw this case. First, because of the departure of the index of PS Yandex, later - due to lack of time. But after a while you begin to understand that it is sometimes useful to lay out on the list (in this case on the web page your thoughts, share something interesting with our readers. The author of this resource would like to wish the inspiration for the new positions will never leave! Good luck ... п»їVery interesting! Not very often can not understand how to update your blog? IMHO, the author is wrong On your blog, familiar in the ICQ link tossed. It turned out that nothing I liked. Tepr always read will A long time ago I started this blog? A great portal, but it's worth more to add information

5:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

abraham lincoln gay So engrossed that I missed a football Thank you very much! I took a too-handy. Belief in success - is the driving force and sin not to use it for their own personal goals. Well done! somewhere I have already seen this ... I do not know about you, but I like it! There is. I read a similar article on this subject, but you have quite a different opinion, thanks, it was interesting to compare I thank you - for the warm welcome)

2:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

donkey adult movies and how difficult it is to your own blog? I do not know how the rest, but I liked it. Oh, thank you. fantastic! ... Do you RSS in a curve encoding! Blog is excellent, plenty to like! Very glad that there was a desire to take this position in quotations! Added to your bookmarks. Now will you read much more often!

1:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

gay bars in anchorage alaska The morning began with a wonderful article, thank you! Belief in success - is the driving force and sin not to use it for their own personal goals. Very glad that there was a desire to take this position in quotations! Thank you! Article interesting. Most people are happy as much as they have decided to be happy. - A. Lincoln Exl how old dupe! Thanks for the post, and this issue Few feelings .. but nice ...

6:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sublime porn You normally happy about us with the best phrases thanks, take! Well of course tin ... I like your posts Yeah, sure, that there still might say. Oh, thank you. The author, and you are out of town? Thanks for the post, and this issue They like. Must be waiting to continue. This topic is certainly of interest to all.

4:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

black gay clips Interestingly, and cognitive, and will have something on this subject? You read this and think .... A salary of between 5% per day Why have a blog such attendance is low ... the way to put things in your blog or deterioration, will help remove Excellent post, after reading several articles on the subject realized that everything did not look on the other hand, a post once very interested. п»їVery interesting! Not very often can not understand how to update your blog? The morning began with a wonderful article, thank you! somewhere I have already seen this ... Greatest number of people can join only the lowest common denominator. - FA Hayek

2:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

free devon porn I NRA) is a good idea. Exl how old dupe! Few feelings .. but nice ... All zdryam! Today marked the second anniversary maintaining your blog. Congratulations on not imposing ourselves, we would like to know the author and perhaps a comment: and what time you run your resource? Frankly, had difficult moments, when visited by the thought to throw this case. First, because of the departure of the index of PS Yandex, later - due to lack of time. But after a while you begin to understand that it is sometimes useful to lay out on the list (in this case on the web page your thoughts, share something interesting with our readers. The author of this resource would like to wish the inspiration for the new positions will never leave! Good luck ... Really? amazing. I thank you - for the warm welcome) Do you RSS in a curve encoding! You normally happy about us with the best phrases thanks, take!

3:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

indian tits Exl how old dupe! The morning began with a wonderful article, thank you! You read this and think .... The site just super, I will recommend to friends! Cool read with pleasure cool .. took almost all)) All read satisfy my interest but "No matter how cursed himself, others certainly will do it better.")

6:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hymen sex Very good site, but not bad-would make a version for smartphones. Here you decided to help a bit, and sent this post to social bookmark. I really hope your ranking will increase. Content is interesting, learned a lot. I recommend everyone to read. Thanks for the post, and this issue while I'm alive, I will remember your resource zanoshu in bukmarki .... Blog is excellent, plenty to like! All read satisfy my interest but "No matter how cursed himself, others certainly will do it better.") Exl how old dupe!

9:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

retro gay porn cool Greatest number of people can join only the lowest common denominator. - FA Hayek they were more IMHO, the author is wrong Thank you! In quotations! The site just super, I will recommend to friends! Interestingly, and cognitive, and will have something on this subject? You normally happy about us with the best phrases thanks, take!

6:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hot babe porn Hmm ... well, it pamoymu have extreme ... Many find useful for themselves You know now who rarely writes on the subject, very pleasant to read, I would advise to add more pictures! Thank you, useful thing. How delightful !!!!!!!!!!!!) fantastic! ... Thank you very much! I took a too-handy. I like your posts

2:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Milf I like your posts Many find useful for themselves And you know what a holiday today? I do not know how the rest, but I liked it. fabulous idea ... we would learn ... great. You know now who rarely writes on the subject, very pleasant to read, I would advise to add more pictures! Excellent post, after reading several articles on the subject realized that everything did not look on the other hand, a post once very interested. Wine and women bring to us

5:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

adult pov blogs cool And you know what a holiday today? Thanks to author a blog for the information provided. they were more Most people are happy as much as they have decided to be happy. - A. Lincoln How delightful !!!!!!!!!!!!) On your blog, familiar in the ICQ link tossed. It turned out that nothing I liked. Tepr always read will You can still search in Google ..

6:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

latina cumshots Happiness - not a reward for virtue, but virtue itself, not because we enjoy the happiness that curb their passions, but rather enjoy the happiness makes us able to curb them. - Spinoza You read this and think .... A salary of between 5% per day You can still search in Google .. Really? amazing. This unrivaled On your blog, familiar in the ICQ link tossed. It turned out that nothing I liked. Tepr always read will Interestingly, and cognitive, and will have something on this subject? I can not understand what was happening, but my current 2 images loaded. (((A vasche liked!

10:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

amiga center at kent too much hype about smoking chris carter kent police air puff tonometry animation can you smoke percocet how to exhale smoke nostril texas smoking laws quit smoking what works winston grammar

8:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sex tories decided to help and sent out a post in the soc. bookmarks. hope to rise in popularity somewhere I have already seen this ... I NRA) is a good idea. Blog is excellent, plenty to like! Your site in the opera is not the adjustment is shown, and everything is fine! спасибки you for your clever ideas! Greatest number of people can join only the lowest common denominator. - FA Hayek Happiness - not a reward for virtue, but virtue itself, not because we enjoy the happiness that curb their passions, but rather enjoy the happiness makes us able to curb them. - Spinoza share: but we have to work all pouvolnyali, and what to do now?

8:18 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home