Sunday, February 28, 2010

It's Never Easy

It never gets any easier, does it?

I need to be respectful of all parties involved. I cannot go into detail. I will say we've had our own earthquake, except it's been a lot longer than 90 seconds.

And has done deep damage.

I can say that we all went to the Black Eyed Peas concert on Friday night, with friends and had an amazing good time. That fun was in the air, and we danced and laughed and were loud.

It was great.

It's taken a few months but I finally get what is going on for Ben right now. He has been screaming and yelling and storming for months- I understand now.

He has had every right.

I'm not going to kick myself for not getting it sooner, and I'm not going to move far into the future with a story written now, the ending clear. I need to stay in the moment, and work this through carefully.

All that matters to me is my kids. Period. I'm in full on Mamma Bear mode. I'm surprisingly clear on what needs to happen.

I'm sorry to be so vague.

It never gets any easier. We are complex beings, and good people can do bad things. I am not a perfect person, I have made so many mistakes along the line, and know I will continue to.

The biggest mistake was to not trust my instincts. My gut. That will not happen again.

More hard work ahead today- hard things to say, big feelings to hold. But then, that's what I do here, 24/7. I'm not perfect, sometimes really awful, but at least I'm here.


Blogger Married Lesbian Mom said...


I hope whatever it is will come to an end on a positive note. I am sending your family good vibes from down here in NJ.

1:04 PM  
Blogger Laura said...

I hope things turn out ok.

You are is never easy.

7:20 PM  
Blogger Zach said...

Good luck to your family, whatever is happening.

8:49 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hoping it can heal.

12:12 PM  
Anonymous donald said...

am sure you all will work very hard at keeping the wonderful thing you have there going forward! i certainly hope that anyway!

5:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

just be sure to consider the effect of your decisions on everyone involved, don't let the aftershocks ruin the future that could be

8:59 PM  

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