In York Maine Today: No on One!

My friend, and fellow board member of Mass Equality, Pete and I hit the road this morning to knock on doors. Specifically, we were in Kittery. The campaign was set up at the York Harbor Inn, and set up with incredible efficiency.

We signed in, were processed, and sent out with marching orders in less than fifteen minutes. Yes, this even included a brief training on how to approach folks.

The sun was out, the air crisp- it doesn't get any better than this for a voting day. We parked and set off in opposite directions. Most people were not home, but those who were were adamantly for No one One. It felt great. One elderly woman said to me, Betta believe I'm votin' no... Making my husband, too.

I think that's what has struck me the most about this campaign, here, in Maine. When I was in California for Prop 8, I didn't see any older, or elderly people. I have, over and over again here. Life long Mainers, who have an opinion and a strong one. Who are at the campaign headquarters, or driving around knocking on doors today, making calls, organizing food, coffee... it's stunning to see.

And they say that's the generation that needs to die off to get marriage equality. I say, come to Maine before you wish that.

So far? I have a very good feeling. The campaign is organized, stocked with volunteers, and running smoothly. It's a perfect day to vote.

Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness- For All

Wake up America! A huge battle for rights is about to be voted on in Maine. This will effect everyone from sea to shining sea.

Just like in California in 2008, rights that have already been granted will be voted on. Everyone was shocked when California lost marriage equality- do you know that the same thing could happen in Maine on November 3rd?

Are you ready to do something about it?

The level of outrage across the country was small solace to the thousands of California residents that had their marriage rights, and in some cases their actual marriage, taken away from them. Maine already has a law on the books that allows same sex couples to marry- and religious groups who do not agree, the right not to perform those ceremonies.

It's fair. It's about the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Church and state are separate, as is dictated by our constitution.

I'm married. I'm a lesbian. I have three children. I pay taxes, coach my son's soccer team, go to the grocery store and generally live a pretty quiet life. And I'm really sick of having to say that. My kids all went to public elementary schools in Massachusetts and never once were taught about gay marriage or ANY marriage in school.

Ever.

It is exhausting to have to deal with some religious group's determination to have their beliefs be the guideline for law. I don't care what they believe, I simply want them to leave me alone. I want the right to leave my wife my property, the right to visit her in the hospital, the right to have our children's parents legally recognized.

I'm not going to their church. Why do they want to shove their values down my throat? And why one church and not another? We look at Middle Eastern countries run by Islamic law and think, bad bad bad. But it's okay for the Catholic church to decide what is ok and not ok to have as a law?

Did I mention that no church would be forced to perform these ceremonies? As if I'd want one who thinks I'm going to hell to recognize my lifetime commitment to my wife. Have an ounce of common sense, please.

Are you all listening? Are you all aware that this is a state vote with national ramifications? Because I know the other side is pouring in money from all over the country to try and take rights away.

Take rights away. My rights. I'm not taking away their rights. I have no interest. I believe in free speech and the separation of church and state. Raise your kids to think God hates fags. I'm going to raise mine to believe you have the right to free speech.

I love Maine. I believe in the people of Maine. But the hateful lies being sent out by the folks who would strip away rights have been packaged in tidy little ads that do not require any truth. Save the little, doe-eyed girl from evil homosexuals. Such bullshit.

We are families. We will continue to have children, be active in government, work at jobs, pay our taxes. We'll be in the grocery store telling our kids no to the sugar-filled cereal just like everyone else. We will go to church- the ones that welcome us- and watch football on Sunday afternoons.

Unless they want to take away those rights, too.

And ask yourself, what's next? What right will they deem unacceptable in their view for LGBT people to have- already we cannot serve in the military openly, we cannot marry, we can be fired from jobs, denied housing. Maybe they'll take away our right to vote.

Wake up, America. The world changes, and women are no longer property, African-Americans no longer slaves, and the goal of equality isn't about taking things away. It's about the constitution recognizing everyone.

Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

For all.

Do something about it. Don't wait until it's too late.

A Bright, Shining Light

Today, the Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders (GLAD) filed a suit in federal court in Boston, MA to challenge the denial of critical federal benefits to same-sex couples.

Yes. It's time for the Supreme Court.

Years ago, when GLAD was pulling together a group of plaintiffs to challenge the marriage laws in Massachusetts, many said it was not time. Many said, we are still lacking in basic rights- how can we go for marriage? It'll put us behind by decades.

Today, we are approaching the fifth anniversary of marriage equality in our state. We have recently had an unprecedented majority of House and Senate co-signers for a Transgender equality bill and look to celebrate it's passage later this year. We have secured dollars in a difficult state budget for LGBT youth, AIDS funding, and money to address issues facing LGBT seniors.

We have pushed the envelope, no question. And we will continue to.

The lawsuit addresses Section 3 of the federal Defense of Marriage Act- and only section three. It targets the rights and protections denied in Social Security, federal income tax, federal employees' and retirees' benefits, and in the issuance of passports.

Only in MA and CT, where marriage is recognized by the state. For over 200 years, the federal government has not interfered with state's rights around marriage- until DOMA.

I find in my travels, that people assume that being married in MA means married on a federal level. It does not.

This action does not effect any other state. It will not repeal DOMA or every state's right to have some ridiculous anti-equality law on their books, as many do. It does, however, put a bright, shining light on the inequalities our families face even in the state where we have so much.

Shining that light, as Mary Bonauto said, should generate support in all the states. When the country gets to know the plaintiff couples, when they meet the State Trooper, Mary Ritchie who puts her life on the line every day for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. Her wife is not eligible for the full line-of-duty benefits for surviving spouses should she die in the line of duty. Or Herbert Burtis, 78 years old who lost his partner of 60 years last fall. He is denied the additional money his husband's social security would pay him if he was a recognized spouse.

After 60 years together, sharing lives, income, a home... nothing. But the married heterosexual couple in MA or CT- no questions asked.

These stories, this case, is about that bright, shining light. It is about understanding why we fight for equality every day. It's about why we need to continue the fight on all levels, in every state.

Years ago, people thought the marriage fight was wrong. Today, we have two states with marriage equality, and are fast approaching many more to have the same decency and fairness for all their citizen. Some states are still fighting to have civil rights bills.

The movement forward is never easy. As we enjoy these debates in this country, people are hung in others for the suspicion of being homosexual. Should we stop our rights to further theirs first?

Or do we all keep moving, the best we can, with the resources we have, to tell the stories that will ultimately make the difference for all.

I say, move forward.

And with Mary Bonauto in charge? We're not going to lose.

No one will lose.

Moving Forward

Denver... you have to love a city where they don't run you down when you're in the crosswalk. And everyone is actually in the crosswalk.

Strange for a Bostonian to see.

The community continues to digest the Prop 8 loss. Sure, people are talking about AZ and FL but the focus is on California. What went wrong? How could we have lost? Will we ever win a ballot question or are we destined to lose them forever?

The most productive statement came from Nadine Smith, of Equality Florida. We must, she said, be out on every form, every moment, of every waking day. If we travel, we fill out forms as married people. If we file taxes? We file as married people. When ever, where ever we can, we must identify ourselves.

It's Harvey Milk's message. It continues to be relevant.

It is an act of non-violent civil disobedience. We must refuse to be considered single when we are families.

There is still a level of finger pointing going on that makes me very uncomfortable. I don't see the point. Positive messages, like Ms. Smith's, is where we need to focus our energy.

Let's move forward, folks.

Ding Dong, Bush is REALLY Gone!

Forget about Rick Warren. Forget about Gene Robinson's late addition and subtraction from Sunday's event. Forget about the lack of LGBT appointments to the cabinet. Let it go.

Just for today.

Today is a day of pure celebration. Unlike election day, when we got a kick in the stomach with Prop. 8, AZ, FL and AK, all horrific setbacks for the LGBT community, today is a day to celebrate.

We have a new President. He is taking office today.

LGBT issues have been mishandled, fucked up and poorly advised. No question.

But Bush is gone, people. Pinch yourself, it's not a dream. It's a reality. Whether or not you believe Obama is just a big screen for projection, or the next messiah, or something very human in between, he is NOT Bush.

We have a President who is going to bring troops home from Iraq. Now. A President who is ready to address Gaza, now, the economy, now. We have a majority of Democrats in the legislature.

I personally can't stop smiling.

I told my kids this morning that today was a day that the first African-American man would be sworn in as President of this country. A country that in it's very recent past turned hoses and dogs on people because of their color. A country that legally recognized slavery.

Remember, I said, where you were. People will ask you in 10 years, 20, 30... where were you that day?

Tomorrow? We go right back to holding the administrations feet to the fire. We do not wait 10 hours, 10 days or 10 months. It is a mistake we've made in the past- one not to be repeated.

But today is a day to celebrate.

Ding dong, Bush is really really gone.

Clean up time already?

It's very quiet today. Ben is home sick, lying like the dead on the couch with a high fever. Yesterday it was Zachary.

Jake asked me this morning if he was next.

I said WASH YOUR HANDS.

I must admit, I'm a tad obsessive about washing my hands in the winter. I spent two years sick as a dog when Ben first hit daycare and I learned my lesson. Of course, when they are little, it's hard to keep them from poking you in the face with their germ filled fingers.

Now, I'm just cleaning up buckets of... um... well, you know. I don't think Ben is ever going to learn to hit the bathroom until he has to clean it up himself.

I wonder if the Obama administration is going to go through the same growing pains. It seems to be the case so far. Some good choices like Clinton, some bad choices like Richardson and some weird choices like Gupta.

Some infuriating choices like Rick Warren.

The press has been pretty eager, along with many political groups, to make nice about the direction the president to be is taking.

How long will they be cleaning up, though? When will the tough questions be asked? I can promise you that as a member of the LGBT community, I'm not jumping up and down about John Berry, an openly gay man, being nominated to be the director of Office Personnel management.

It's the highest appointment ever for a gay person. Kinda sad, huh? I mean, can you name the last one? or the one before that?

Honestly, I didn't even know there was such an office.

Obama is also asking Bush to get the rest of the bailout money. That makes me very nervous. It reeks of passing the buck, not of expediency. Is he already covering his tracks?

The cleaning up of messes will only last so long. The good will of the LGBT community was severely strained with Rick Warren's invitation. While some still are clamoring to be supportive, any are not. Personally, I'm not buying John Berry as a valid token of affection.

All eyes are on this administration, waiting for great things.

I keep thinking, that like my son Ben, he's not going to figure it out until he has to clean it up himself.

Here Comes the Sun...

The sun is in the perfect spot on the horizon and the light is pouring into my office. Sure beats a SAD light box, not quite as good as Hawaii. It almost seems to radiate enough heat to go sit outside in but I know better.

Our president-elect has been making the rounds in the last couple weeks. Most recently, splashing the airways with his Surgeon General nominee. While the media seems thrilled with opining over the choice, I can help but wonder about the real tasks of the administration ahead.

We love a sunny outlook in this country. Perhaps because we were weaned on Bambi losing mom, but when anyone even begins to tell a happy tale, we are quick to believe.

I love the sun. I don’t particularly like reading about the bombing in Gaza, children found huddled with their dead mothers. Or the reality that one out of every seven homeowners will be foreclosed on this coming year. Or how billions upon billions of dollars are needed to move our public school systems forward in order to remain competitive with the rest of the world.

I know I have to. I am in the sun. So many are not.

I hope Obama stays clear of the media drama. That he stay focused on the war, the economy and education and not the pictures of his “abs” from the beach or his choice of an appointment to a relatively minor post.

The LGBT community has been disrespected- see Rick Warren’s part in the inauguration events next to our, um, marching band- and passed over in this administration already. I’m not surprised. He said “gay” a lot in his campaign speeches which was great but the actual embrace, a real seat at the table, is still a far away dream.

To be honest, if he gets the war, Gaza and the economy right? I’m happy to let him slide until he builds the credibility to go ahead and make a few things happen- like the end of DOMA, DADT and a fully inclusive ENDA. If you’ve fixed those things, some civil rights should be a piece of cake.

Let’s not forget, rights are free to give. They don’t increase the budget. Leaves the country with good feeling, no raised tax ceiling.

This is Obama’s moment in the sun. He may never again reach such high levels of popularity. Please, for the country’s sake, may he not be blinded by it. I don’t mind a somewhat goofy choice for Surgeon General and as long as the General in Regional Command is dedicated to leaving Iraq.

I hope he uses the power of words carefully, especially when talking about the economy. A single Hank Paulson speech can tank the markets for weeks. What we need is economic stability, not the current panic driven roller coaster.

Mostly? Let’s all stay focused on the real issues of the day and not be suckered by some of the ratings-driven, sexed up nonsense the mainstream media throws at us.



Because just like now, as the sun is slipping down behind the house next door, the sun will go away. I hope we have the real change we need when it does.

It Doesn't Make Sense

My son came home from school yesterday after having watched a movie about the Civil Rights movement in the 1960's.

It was horrible, he said.

As he described the church bombing, the hoses and the police dogs, he asked me, why?

People who were in power wanted to stay in power. They wanted to beat them down but they fought back.

Jake was listening to this conversation. After about an hour, he came up and asked me, Why did they kill the girls that were changing their clothes?

I said, They bombed the church. They didn't care who was inside.

He kept asking questions, throughout the rest of the day. Finally, I said to him, You're trying to make sense of this. It doesn't make any sense.

Eleven gay bars in Seattle had ricin threats sent to them in the mail on Tuesday. Last night, hackers brought down a bunch of LGBT blogs.

"Pam's House Blend, RadicalRuss.net, American Liberalism, BeThink.org are some of the sites affected. I haven't gone down the whole Soapblox blogroll yet, so far it seems the state blogs were not affected; I assume the hack is restricted to only one server."

As I listened to my sons try and digest the horror of the Civil Rights movement, I wanted to say something about what is going on today in the LGBT movement. How transpeople all over the south are being killed with no real police effort to do anything about it. How Sean Kennedy's murderer is being set free after little time in jail.

How could I? How could I explain that people do hateful things to people who are different and that I, their mother, am one of the targets? Just because the one I am in love with, the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, share the responsibilities of adulthood with, share my bed with, is a woman instead of a man.

It doesn't make any sense.

Radical Change in Ordinary Moments

All I can say is that is one helluva lot of work for a single day of celebration.

It's quiet in the house now. The boys went with Walter and Allan to sleep over last night. This morning? Haircuts. We are off to Florida to celebrate Jeanine's Mom's 70th birthday and there will be a family photo taken. I'm not going to have them look like orphaned children pulled off the streets.

The cats are snorting their catnip toys. I fear for the tree but it's going to be taken down today, along with all the dishes piled up being cleaned, the decorations all put away.

I think that's my favorite part of Christmas- getting back to normal again.

Jeanine is still sleeping and there is much laundry to be done before I can pack for the trip.

Last night, we all played the game the boys gave Jeanine for Christmas- Rock Band 2. Allan scored a perfect 100% singing "Spirit in the Sky." We had a fabulous dinner of homemade wontons, finishing just in time to see the Celtics choke and lose.

As much as I love being a grinch and complain, I have to say, Christmas was very nice this year. Jeanine and I talked about how we only have a few more years with the kids being so excited they have to be up at 6AM. We'll have to give the cats their little 'nip stash the night before so they tear across us in the morning.

This holiday has been filled with old and new friends. I've mended a relationship with a friend that was very important to me. We went bowling with our Moms group that has become my extended family the weekend before Christmas which was playful and fun. As we all lounged on couches eating pizza after, I tried my best to soak in all the love.

It's a little overwhelming sometimes.



Ben was thrilled with his gift from his most inappropriate Aunt- Flava of Love, seasons one through too many.



Zachary ended up outfitted for... something.



And Jake... Jake is still little, in so many ways. He pretended to believe in Santa, although quietly he did tell me he knew better. I told him the magic of Santa never goes away.

There were a few tears- the new Star Wars lego set was hard to assemble even with Mom Jeanine's help- but nothing dramatic. I took my dog on a long walk in the woods and it was a glorious, sunny day.

As I get ready for the clean up, I can't help but wonder what it will take in this society to recognize my family. Do we have to be victims of brutal crimes to be sympathetic? Do we have to be dying or sick in hospitals before someone believes asking for our rights is a reasonable thing?

Why can't it be simply because it's the right thing to do? In so many ways, as I sit here this morning, I'm like every other suburban housewife. I don't understand.

Maybe it's because no one takes the time to see the ordinary. It doesn't make you cringe, nor laugh out loud. I hope to create radical change in those moments. I do not want to be a victim to be heard.

For now? I'll go fill the dishwasher. Start taking the lights down off the tree. Wake my wife up and get her to unclog the sink in the bathroom downstairs.

Christmas is over. I love my family.

And just like every other suburban housewife, I will do my best for them in this coming year.

They are Marching in the Streets

I asked for this and it's happened.

In San Francisco, in West Hollywood, in Los Angeles and soon in San Diego, night after night, they have been marching.

Thousands of people holding their No on 8 Signs, politicians, activists have taken to the microphones and made speeches vowing to fight, and fight and fight until we take back the constitution and eliminate discrimination.

Yesterday, they stopped issuing marriage licenses for same sex couples.

In turn? We took to the streets. Marching, shouting, listening to speeches, filling public spaces with our anguish.

Our despair at being treated like garbage for too long. For the hate crimes, for the job discrimination, for the loss of housing- all because of who we love. Gay, straight, Trans, bisexual, Black, White, Asian, Latino, old, poor, young- because half the people voted with us and half the people are all those things.

It is not a time to point fingers at other minorities. It is time to reach out and ask for their help. Because we are their long lost sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, mothers, fathers.

And they are us. They face the same uphill battle. The same loss of rights and hate crimes. Those invested in keeping LGBT people out are invested in keeping all of us out.

A friend of mine is still out there. I'm not sure he'll come back. He's young, single and the moment in history is now. I believe he will stay to be a part of it. I'm proud of him.

We have finally come back to our roots- protests. Peaceful protests.

With thousands in the streets.

We will win because in this country, everyone values equality.

Phyllis Lyon- What Will She Do?

As I wait in the airport- lucky me, my plane was "broken" and we're waiting for another one- I keep wondering about Del Martin's widow, Phyllis Lyon.

They married, after being together over fifty years. Finally, they had rights, finally their relationship was recognized.

And then Del died on August 27th, 2008.

What will happen to Phyllis? How will it effect her ability to inherit on a state level?

More importantly, how could anyone take that certificate away from Phyllis?

It is an unbelievable act of cruelty, to have lost one's life love and to turn around and lose something they fought for so long.

Forget Arnold, and Reagan, and Obama and the ads blasting the airwaves for one final day. Forget the DNC- as they have forgotten us- but please, let's all hold Phyllis Lyon in our hearts today.

What will she do?

The “Call” at Qualcomm Stadium- Translation Needed!

Can someone please tell me where in the Bible Jesus spoke tongues? Because they are babbling away at Qualcomm Stadium today in his name.

Personally, I don’t think Jesus was a freak like the group filing in to protect marriage against the end of times- equal rights to all.

After hours of fasting, folks filed into Qualcomm Stadium boasting of 70,000 people were on their way to fight the evils of Equality in the state constitution.

Try 7,100, tops.

Even the Knights of Columbus did a solemn march to the event.




Where were their funny little cars?

When the going gets tough, the tough does great video editing to make it look full. It wasn’t. Although there were folks milling into the press box speaking tongues.

I guess that’s because they were hungry and the press had pizza.

I wonder where God is on this debate about treating people as different and taking away their rights. I don’t believe in God. I wish I could sometimes but I don’t.

But for those who do, I have to ask- do you think God would be nasty? Hateful? So many parts of the Bible focus on being kind, helping one another, and justice. I mean, the Jews got kicked all over the desert, and I don’t think God liked that.

Jesus, was after all, Jewish.

I wonder about all those people going to church. I walked up to the Grace Cathedral earlier. It’s a beautiful building, obviously built with a great deal of passion.

There is a Keith Haring AIDS Chapel altarpiece. It is a welcoming space. Even as an atheist I feel a sense of belonging. Maybe it’s because I’m in the heart of San Francisco and everywhere feels welcoming to me. I’m asked my gender preference- sir or miss- respectfully.

I guess those Christians have different rules than other Christians. It’s very confusing as an outsider. The Evangelicals think their version is it. The Catholics, theirs, and the Episcopal’s are more forgiving but they think they are right.

And we haven’t even hit the Protestants.

I wonder how this fits into legal rights because last I looked there is a separation of church and state. If marriage is all about religion then government should not recognize it.

End of discussion.

I walked the labyrinth. I might not be religious but I can be quietly spiritual. As I moved through it I kept thinking, what kind of person hates so deeply? I have been angry with people in my life- furious in fact. But hate, as I tell my kids, is a powerful emotion that only hurts you.

Never the other person.

I’m not sure that’s really true. I am hurt by the hate. I see myself as incredibly average. I write part time, I stay home with my kids, and I do all the suburban housewife activities. Nothing out of the ordinary, to be honest.

Yet all those swaying, crying, singing, dancing folks out in San Diego today are preparing to “defeat” me. To save the world against my kind.

I wonder… who will save us against them?

It’s ironic because I cannot even imagine taking away their rights to babble on, or to hold a gathering in a stadium, or their right to be recognized as equal citizens. I don’t agree with them, they basically scare me, but I still believe they have rights.

Why can’t they practice the Golden Rule? Would they want me to organize to take away their rights?

Vote No on Prop. 8 in California this Tuesday and maybe they’ll all go have some dinner and settle down. Realize they are a part of a diverse state, with many people of many different religions.

Rights are rights and, as the California Courts ruled, one group cannot be discriminated against simply because another group doesn’t like them.

It’s the same in every language- even tongues.

It's Hard to be Good

The news out here in CA is the hacking of the No on 8 website. It seems there was a coordinated attack on the CA site and FL, No on 2, site.

Nice.

I've heard over and over again, it's so hard to be good. Why can't we deploy these scummy tactics? Why don't we hack their websites? Create outrageous lies in our ads to scare people into voting our way?

Because we see ourselves as the good guys. We can't stoop that low. I know that's right but sometimes, I get so frustrated, I just want to win.

We won't. Of course we won't. We're not willing to give up our ideals, our morals, our beliefs. Someone should remind the Log Cabin Republicans of that.

I'm going out to a women's event in Oakland today.

Senator Barbara Boxer and Congresswoman Barbara Lee will kick off “Women’s No on 8 BYOCell – Cell Phone Call to Action,” aimed at rallying Democratic women to actively work to defeat Prop 8. Senator Boxer, Congresswoman Lee, Assemblywoman Loni Hancock, and Women’s Foundation of California Chair Elmy Bermejo will hold a press conference at Everett & Jones Barbecue in Oakland as volunteers call women voters to urge them to go to the polls on November 4th and cast their ballots against Prop 8.

Come if you can. Look for me- I'll have on a Mass Equality button. I'll buy you a beer to go with that barbecue.

We'll do what we do best- call, ask, plead our case. Gather together to remember, if nothing else, that this is the right thing to do.

And the right way to do it.

Armageddon in California

I have a question for all those religious groups are pouring money into California to try and make a constitutional amendment to limit access to legal contracts – and that is what marriage is, a legal contract first and foremost- we’re not going away. They are funding discrimination in the name of Jesus.

I am a suburban lesbian mom. I live in Massachusetts. Last I checked, the end of the world has not occurred. No plagues, no locusts, no hell fire and damnation. I am married to a woman I have spent the last 18 years of my life with. We have three kids. We pay taxes and support our community. Recognizing us with the same dignity and respect as everyone else has not changed the divorce rate amongst heterosexuals.

Nor has it lead to teaching sexuality in kindergarten.

Society has not crumbled. I know the right wing would like you to think it has but last I looked, it’s all pretty much the same.

The irony about this is how I teach my kids tolerance for the people who would dissolve my marriage. Who would throw me into conversion therapies to make me “right.” I tell them its okay for other people to have a different opinion.

It’s just not okay to take away someone else’s rights because of those opinions.

We all need to learn a little more tolerance. We all need to stop for a moment and ask ourselves, deep down- how will this truly change my life?

California is no different that Massachusetts. The world will not end. It’s not Armageddon. And when people tried to take our rights away? We fought back. We’re fighting back in California. James Dobson and his crew can pound the airwaves with hateful messages, they can liked us to pedophiles, they can say that it’ll lead to people marrying donkeys or their brothers or mothers. They can put small children’s faces on the TV with their innocent eyes and say somehow our loving, committed relationships will lead to their demise.

I don’t quite understand that but maybe that’s because I’m raising three kids and I have seen no lack of morality in them. Except maybe when they finish the orange juice and put the empty carton back in the refrigerator.

The reality is, if we lose in California? We will continue to fight. We’ll go to the courts, we’ll draft legislation, and we’ll keep fighting until we have equality. We’ll raise money, they’ll raise money. Millions wasted over something that doesn’t cost a dime.

If you are tired of the argument, tired of the ridiculous warning that the world will end, please reach into your weary wallets and give one more time. Let’s finish this so California can go on to tackle bigger issues like Education, Health Care, and the budget crisis.

It’s not Armageddon. No one is going to take away anyone’s right to preach the evils of homosexuality. No one is going to marry his or her dog. Four years we’ve had equality in Massachusetts.

Nothing has changed. My partner is my wife now. We have legal rights. People who hate me still hate me. They still get to preach every Sunday about how evil I am.

The only people who have anything to lose? Are all the families, like mine, across California and all of our straight allies who want their kids to grow up in a country that believes in equality. Fairness.

Cabbies Know Best

I was at a table of volunteers, all calling people. It’s wild here right now. Calling for volunteers, calling for Election Day visibility. There is a volunteer coordinator who is a clone of my sister in law, Tonita who is giving out instructions.

Nice but direct.

No one has made calls before but their packets are great. Cell phones provided if need be. Long lists. Text to read. Nervous questions asked about what was the right thing to fill out on the forms. Do you leave a message or just hang up?

Never leave a message, I said. It’s too easy to ignore.

At my table there were several young, gay men. An older straight woman who had been to Reno to knock on doors for Obama and felt this was the most important thing to do right now. Everyone started off slowly reading the lines, starting to roll after a while. Mostly people called are willing to be engaged at some level.

It’s easier to do this in a room full of people.

Money, however, is hard to raise. Tapped out. Broke. Can’t do more.

I understand, fully, the feeling- and the reality. Since the primaries, it’s been call after call, looking for political donations. I don’t ever remember a time when so much has been asked for.

Or so much was at stake.

I keep looking over my lists, who else can I call? Who are the straight allies I can ask? Even a couple hundred dollars makes a difference right now. (I know that feels like a lot but please understand, I’m used to asking for much more.)

I took a cab back- I’m kind of a baby about public transportation when I’m tired. First thing in the morning is fine but… I have my limits.

Okay, I’m kind of a big baby in general.

The cab driver was an old stoner from the 1960’s, with a long, gray ponytail. How do you like San Francisco, he asked.

I love it, I said. It’s a beautiful city.

He asked why I was here and I explained I came out to work on Prop 8. I did not mention which side but seeing that he picked me up in the Castro, it was an easy guess.

No on 8! He said loudly. Stupid rednecks need to just shut up.

I agreed.

Even the Republicans think it’s stupid. It’ll fail. There is no way it’ll pass.

I hope not, I said. A lot of money has come into the state to tell you all what to do.

After pulling what could only be deemed a Boston driving move, he said, There are enough right-minded people. It’ll never pass.

We then went on to discuss why Californians were so mellow.

It’s the pot, he said. We have great weed out here.

Indeed.

I found it funny that his voice was even, calm, and had that California lilt to it. And yet he drove like a maniac. I do believe, though, Cabbies often know the pulse of their city better than most. They always know where to get great food. I guess San Francisco is a no-brainer- but he seemed certain about the state.

You have a little Bostonian in you, I said as we pulled up.

He laughed. Just a little during rush hour.

The rented space for No on 8 was full when I left. Hundreds of people sitting at tables making calls. The energy was high. People are nervous.

Not my cabbie, though. I hope he’s right.

Temporary Change of Address

I am leaving for San Francisco tomorrow morning. I will be working on the No on Prop. 8 campaign. I have no idea what I'll be doing until I get there.

I'm excited, nervous, but I am ready to do something, anything, to make a difference. I cannot sit by another day and watch. I have to be active. While the Obama campaign is enormously important right now, I have to go work for my cause, my people.

Not many straight people are willing to take to the phones, streets, for LGBT causes but are willing to work for Obama.

We need to change that but for now, I'll go where I feel I can make the most impact.

My wife said GO. I'm not sure if it's because she cannot stand my nudgy/anxious behavior or because she knows I need to do this. Probably both.

Jeanine will be covering the home front for 8 days- that's a long long time for her. LONG. I'll be blogging from San Francisco, a temporary change of address but back for election day here.

If the world goes to hell, I want to be here with my family. I need to be here with my family.

Save The Children

I’ve had enough.

I’m tired of being treated like some freak that needs to be carefully sidestepped at every election as if supporting my marriage is touching the third rail. I’m tired of the rhetoric that “gay marriage” will be taught in classrooms across the land and small children will be exposed to sexuality in inappropriate ways if equality is given to all.

The children, oh, please, save the children.

The newest ploy in California to take away equal rights is to use Massachusetts, my home state, as an example of all that will go wrong. Children will be “forced” to learn about gay families.

They may even be exposed to a book, “King and King,” that on one page? Shows two men kissing.

Oh, the horror. I have to admit, any time my kids’ see my wife and I give each other a peck, they do shriek in disgust. The same way all kids do when they see their parents express affection.

What makes me the angriest is not the stones they are throwing at me- bring it on- but the effect it has on my kids. My kids aren’t gay. They have gay parents. Should their teacher have to send out a permission form every time one of my kids mentions his parents? If they draw a picture of their family, does it require parental notification?

Is that what we want in our schools? A lock down on anything different?

The people so concerned with the “children” are clearly not concerned with mine at all. While it’s fine for my son’s fifth grade teacher to come in and share pictures and stories about her heterosexual marriage ceremony, it’s suddenly all about sexual behavior when a lesbian or gay man does it.

I will admit, all my kids did, in fact, talk about our wedding at school. It was historic, it was about social change and you know what they discussed? The chocolate fountain at the reception. The giant bouquets of hostess Twinkies, ho ho’s and cupcakes.

They are kids. They have lives they want to share with their friends. Why should they be singled out for different treatment because of who their parents are? Can you even imagine anyone recommending doing this to kids of interracial marriages?

Proposition 8 supporters are running ads with little children asking their heterosexual parents about men with men, and women with women. Funny thing is, with all those heterosexual teachers at school, some parading around with pregnant bellies, and I have never once had my kids ask about heterosexual sex practices.

Nor do they come home and ask, Mommy? Can a man and woman get married? And it’s not solely because kids are awash in 24/7 media images of men and women together, often sexually, but because they don’t really care.

They care about their worlds. Soccer games. Playdates. Chocolate fountains.

And so what if kids do come home and ask about gay families? If you’re really such a bigot, just spew out all the hateful things you have to say about homosexuality. See it as a teachable moment.

Son, if you grow up to be gay, we’ll disown you, the church will shun you and in fact, you’ll burn in hell. Now go do your homework.

I’m tired of being treated like some leper that will infect children with horrible values simply by being acknowledged. I’ve got news for those folks- I’m a parent, first and foremost. I’m also a wife, a writer, a neighbor, a friend, a colleague, and a pretty damn good cook. I coach my son’s soccer team, I fold laundry and I make my kids brush their teeth. I volunteer at the school on occasion even though on top of it all, I’m a big ol’ lesbian.

The kids don’t care. They just want someone to help tie their shoes, or pick out a library book.

Save the children? Don’t believe it for a second. They only want to save a hateful way of seeing the world through very narrow eyes.

Massachusetts Equality Opponents At It Again

Seems the folks in Massachusetts that are against equality- you know, the ones who think marriage is only for them, not everyone, the laws and systems cannot be shared equality without having them get cooties- have successfully petitioned the Attorney General's office to get a ballot question to repeal the .. um repeal of the 1913 ban on out of state folks getting married here.

Why? Because they hate anything that smells like equality for gays and lesbians.

Why? Because they are certain all of the LGBT movement is aimed at sending them to hell.

Why? Because. Oh, just because they have money in their pockets and clearly nothing positive to contribute to society.

And I have to point out, Brian Camenker quoted in the piece? His group is about 100 people. Total. Statewide. Equal time in the press, tiny group. But don't get me started...


AG RULING GIVES BOOST TO GAY MARRIAGE OPPONENTS’ BALLOT MEASURE

By Kyle Cheney
STATE HOUSE NEWS SERVICE

STATE HOUSE, BOSTON, AUG. 25, 2008.....Validated Monday by Attorney General Martha Coakley, a citizen petition to undo a recent law favored by advocates for the gay community is shaping up as the newest confrontation in the Bay State over the rights of same-sex couples.

The petition would reverse the July 31 repeal of a 1913 law that banned same-sex non-resident couples from marrying in Massachusetts. Proponents hailed the repeal as a blow to discrimination while opponents blasted Massachusetts for “exporting” its marriage policies to other states.

Having passed the attorney general’s review of its constitutionality, the petition must now garner 33,297 signatures by Oct. 29 – 90 days from when Gov. Deval Patrick signed the original law – to appear on the November 2010 ballot. Meanwhile, petition opponents are contemplating countermoves.

“I don’t think we’re going to have much trouble getting the signatures,” said Brian Camenker, a gay rights opponent who spearheaded the petition. “People have just had it up to here with this social experiment being pushed in their faces. The Legislature has been just so disconnected from the people in Massachusetts.”

Camenker, who heads MassResistance, described the same-sex rights lobby as a “small special interest group” and said lawmakers “underestimated” the anger and passion surrounding the issue.

Camenker was particularly incensed that lawmakers attached an emergency preamble to the 1913 law repeal, a fairly common practice but one that prevents petitioners from delaying the law’s implementation. Under the rules governing referendum petitions, if backers gather the required signatures within the allotted timeframe, the underlying law is suspended until the voters weigh in. But laws treated as emergency measures by the Legislature are not subject to delay.

Backers of the bill contend that adding an emergency preamble was always part of the plan for the bill.

“In some ways this is kind of crazy,” said Gary Buseck, legal director for Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders. “Today, I don’t think they could pass this [repeal]. I don’t think there’s any interest in going backwards.”

Buseck said GLAD was eyeing the petition process before deciding whether to take action.

“We’re interested in seeing if they even muster the signatures,” he said.

If they do, he said, GLAD attorneys could file suit against the secretary of state and attorney general to attempt to invalidate the petition, “a tried and true mechanism that’s also happened a goodly number of times.” Such a move would put the case before the Supreme Judicial Court.


In a statement, Coakley said her approval of the initiative petition did not signify support for the substance but allowed petitioners to move on to the signature-gathering stage of the process.

-END-
8/25/2008

Serving the working press since 1910

http://www.statehousenews.com

The Killer, Not The Killed

Once again, Lawrence King is in the news. His parents have filed a lawsuit against the school for “not enforcing the dress code.”

I think I’m going to scream.

Lawrence King wore feminine attire to school. He wore what all the girls were wearing. He was a kid with serious issues, often out of control, and in need of help. No one is questioning that.

But when is anyone going to ask questions about the killer? When the kids were killed in the Columbine High School shooting, no one asked what they did to get themselves killed. Every moment of the press coverage was dedicated to Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold.

What they wore, who they hung out with, how their parents were raising them- even the spots they parked their car in when they arrived at the school that horrible day.

Do we know what Brandon McInerney wore that day? Do we know how he got the gun into school? Do we know what created such rage in this boy of 14 to have him take a gun at point blank range and shoot? Do we know who his friends were, what pushed his buttons, what kind of movies he watched or internet sites he visited?

No. We know what that Larry King favored a pair of brown stilettos.


Schools, especially middle school and Junior high schools, are notoriously difficult for anyone who does not fit in or conform. I watched my oldest son go through the doors of middle school for the first time last fall. I watched a boy who loved music and dance, fashion and treasured his copy of High School Musical, toss it all aside.

I wanted to tell him to stand up and be himself. To be proud of not only the way he could play soccer but also the way he could pick out an outfit, or how he knew the top twenty hits every week. We live in a progressive school district with strict anti-bullying rules.

He’d be safe, right?

As long as the focus continues to be on King, my answer is no. He won’t be safe. This lawsuit will send chills down every school administration in the country with the focus on those who are different rather than the violence inflicted on them.

What do we know about McInerney? How are we to learn from this event if we do not know what motivated this boy to grab a gun and shoot another? Some of the obsession in the media over killings is macabre, no question, but some of it teaches us something about our kids, their lives and what needs to change.

We need to learn about the killer, not the killed. That Larry King was a kid with behavioral issues is true but what do we learn by focusing on his behavior? To say he is the rare occurrence of an out of control kid is to be blind to what goes on in schools today.

If Lawrence had not been allowed to wear girls clothes, he would still be alive the King’s lawsuit suggests. Call me a cynic, but maybe if McInerney didn’t have a gun and didn’t pull the trigger, King would still be alive today.

Clearly, the McInerney’s family has no money and a civil suit against them would be financially pointless. Financially draining the school system will only leave more kids at risk and leave the most important questions unanswered.

A 14-year-old boy shot and killed a 15-year-old boy in a junior high school. We know the killed was wearing “tennis shoes, baggy pants and a loose sweater over a collared shirt.” we know where he sat in the room, how he looked nervously over his shoulder.

What do we know about the killer? When will the focus turn from the killed?

As a parent, I cannot understand the King’s lawsuit. They are blaming lipstick and glitter instead of the gun and the hand that held it. The message, loud and clear, is the dominant culture can wield a gun and shoot at will at anyone who doesn’t conform. And our Schools should enforce that conformity.

In doing so, they put my son, and anyone like him, at risk. And that really makes me want to scream: How can you miss the point?

It's the killer, not the killed.

Language is Powerful

I heard a great interview the other week (look for "gay marriage redux") by Julie Goodridge, one of the lead plaintiffs of the historic MA ruling. Great interview, please listen.

But I have one thing to say to everyone. Language is powerful.

It's not gay marriage. That was a term decided on by the right wing efforts to paint equal access as a 'special right.'

It's not. It's about marriage equality. It's about two people being able to get a marriage license. You can't limit it to only white people, you can't limit it to only same racial background and you can't limit it based on the gender of the two people applying.

Period.

Every time we say "gay marriage?" think "partial birth abortion," another term created (and not even remotely true) to influence those on the edge of the discussion.

It's about a legal institution- marriage- and access to it.

It's about equality because as we all know, separate is never equal.

Ah, there goes that language again. Words creating a powerful image.