Birthday Queen

In our house, when it's your birthday, you get to be King or Queen for the day.

I am Queen today. Even with my mother in law here. Which is surprising. She didn't even complain last night when the steak I cooked her had a little tiny bit of pink in it.

Well done, not burnt, no pink. The Weezie mantra. Doesn't matter that I've known this for 18 years, she always tells me before I start to cook. Just in case I forgot.

How could I?

I have to give a big giant shout out to all the guys working on the yard this week. There was an enormous push to get everything done and planted by today. Lee Gilliam, Leon Holt and of course Walter- thank you thank you thank you. I'm going to go out and shoot some pictures to post but you won't quite get the before/after effect- I can only say that a month ago, there was two large piles of dirt in my back yard and not a single blade of grass. Plastic toys strewn about.

Dog poop.

In February, when my old neighbors were putting their house up for sale, the wife came over and asked... are you leaving it like that?

The boys had pulled out a couple pieces of wood creating a path between the two 6 foot mounds of dirt. It did seem to serve a purpose.

No... it's not a feature.

I finished my office, too. Made me cry to finally see it complete. Partly because it's taken so long (my fault), partly because it's so grown up looking, and partly because I've finally hung up the last of my mother's art.



Now I am about to beckon Jeanine to fetch a cup of coffee. I love being the birthday queen.

Playing Hooky

A friend of mine is playing hooky from work today. She is sending me a stream of interesting facts she's found on the web.

I, in turn, am quizzing another friend who claims to be an amazing trivia expert. She's killing me. She's getting all of them. Except one.

Can you answer these WITHOUT GOOGLING?

What is a pregnant goldfish called?

What is a group of 12 or more cows called?

How long is a "jiffy?"

Who is Hazel Frederick?

What was Wilma Flintstone's maiden name?

What is the shortest complete sentence in the English language?

Okay, the world is going to hell- I know this because Mitt Romney is being considered for VP- and there are far bigger things happening than relaying the information that an octopus will eat it's own arms if it's hungry enough...

But it's Friday morning, the sun is out.

Indeed a good day to play hooky.

How Many Days

The boys are all in a single room tonight- Nana is here for the party so Ben is on a mattress on the floor.

They are giggling madly, making fart noises and I know there is not a chance of a wink of sleep before 11PM.

I went upstairs to say Enough.

Jake, quick to redirect, said Mom... how many days till I'm 21?

Too many... and not enough.

Go to sleep.

It's very hard to be firm when they are being generally adorable, good natured and silly. Sometimes I think they will always be little, always I'll be running from sports game to tutoring to the grocery store to home again.

Sometimes I know all this is a moment in time that will be over before I know it. They will be grown men soon. They will grow beards, have deep voices and fill space in new ways. There won't be braces and spaces waiting for the adult front teeth to finally come in. Spongebob underwear will be replaced by more fashionable choices.

I'm fairly certain the towels will still be left on the floor.

They will be men and I will not need to tell them to go to bed. To settle down, tomorrow is a school day.

Too Many.

And not enough.

Hate Crimes Soar

My post Easy Targets? Hate Crimes Soar Post Gay Marriage Ruling on gaywired.com today.

Thank You

This is a poem sent to me this morning by Mary Oliver that I have had in my head all day.


Dogfish

Some kind of relaxed and beautiful thing
kept flickering in with the tide
and looking around.
Black as a fisherman's boot,
with a white belly.

If you asked for a picture I would have to draw a smile
under the perfectly round eyes and above the chin,
which was rough
as a thousand sharpened nails.

And you know
what a smile means,
don't you?

*
I wanted the past to go away, I wanted
to leave it, like another country; I wanted
my life to close, and open
like a hinge, like a wing, like the part of the song
where it falls
down over the rocks: an explosion, a discovery;
I wanted
to hurry into the work of my life; I wanted to know,

whoever I was, I was

alive
for a little while.

*
It was evening, and no longer summer.
Three small fish, I don't know what they were,
huddled in the highest ripples
as it came swimming in again, effortless, the whole body
one gesture, one black sleeve
that could fit easily around
the bodies of three small fish.

*
Also I wanted
to be able to love. And we all know
how that one goes,
don't we?

Slowly

*
the dogfish tore open the soft basins of water.

*
You don't want to hear the story
of my life, and anyway
I don't want to tell it, I want to listen

to the enormous waterfalls of the sun.

And anyway it's the same old story - - -
a few people just trying,
one way or another,
to survive.

Mostly, I want to be kind.
And nobody, of course, is kind,
or mean,
for a simple reason.

And nobody gets out of it, having to
swim through the fires to stay in
this world.

*

And look! look! look! I think those little fish
better wake up and dash themselves away
from the hopeless future that is
bulging toward them.

*
And probably,
if they don't waste time
looking for an easier world,

they can do it.

Mary Oliver


Thank you, Hillary.

Getting Ready

I've been a bit of a mess lately.

Usually, I write pages and pages when I'm a mess. Instead, I've been getting ready for a big party this weekend. My 45th birthday.

We've done a lot of work on the house and it's all coming to a close in these last couple days. As my carpenter said, you have to have something going on to get all the loose ends finished.

He is so right.

And today, I sold my mother's condo. I'm not there, mind you, but went to the bank yesterday, covered in paint, and had different documents signed in the company of a notary. Witnesses.

The last of my mother is gone.

A friend has had her father in the hospital. He, too, has lived in the cloud of booze for so long she wondered if she's ever heard his voice clear.

Sober.

Until the other day, when he was days into the hospital after a surgery.

It reminded me of my mother, fresh out of the detox center in Syracuse, NY. Her doctor told her she had three months to live if she did not stop drinking.

He was wrong but at the time, she was frightened enough to stop.

I remember hearing her voice. It was like the haze had lifted and I could hear her as a ten year old, as a young adult- I could hear her. All of her. Parts I never knew before. She was kind. Gentle.

She was so scared.

I was touched. My heart opened up.

I was furious. How could she have kept this from me for so long?

Before I could settle my own war, she was back to drinking.

The condo is gone. Funds will move electronically into an account. I will divide it into thirds, send it out to my siblings.

As I race through the house to clean my office, hang the last paintings on the wall, arrange my photographs, I'm going to remember her voice. The sober one.

And find a way to let it go, again.

Fresh Picked Mussels

Zachary and I went out to pick mussels for dinner yesterday morning. Jake was fishing, in hopes of snagging a early mackerel.

Mussels were in abundance at low tide very early in the morning. We filled a small bucket, added sea water and topped it with ice till late afternoon.

Then it was time to clean them.



It is a thankless job, and one that Walter usually does. He was not there this weekend so I pulled them out and started scrubbing and pulling out beards. Zachary ran in and asked if he could help.



He quickly realized that the ones he picked with barnacles on them might have been larger but were not worth the effort to clean. This was a good first lesson.



I learned that some of the smaller ones took as much time to clean but were by far the tastiest and sweetest to eat.

My friend Susan asked me if I actually used china and cloth napkins in DownEast Maine.



Yes. We use paper ones at breakfast and lunch, though.

Is that really all that strange?



I wimped out in the final prep of the mussels and while I diced and chopped and got everything ready, I had Donald cook the mussels. I couldn't stand the thought of overcooking something that took so long to get ready.



Dinner was delicious. Thank you, Donald for your help.

Sunset

At sunset, we like to look for birds...

Resource Rich but Limited Access

I'm in DownEast Maine today. I apologize for missing my post yesterday. I was working on a longer piece but I also find myself in a zone of slow up here.

The natural resources around me are stunning. The ocean, the trees, the mountain in the distance, not to mention the small island across the cove I've set my sights on swimming to this summer, fill me up with a quiet joy.

I have limited access to power, though, and internet connection. I used it last night to check on the Celtics score.

What a waste of power.

Donald was here helping Allan and I get everything set up. Okay, that's a stretch- Donald was setting everything up while Allan and I watched.

Okay, even that's a stretch. Allan watched, I went in the kitchen and made snacks and dinner. Kept the fire stoked. Being the dainty woman I am, I didn't want to break a nail.

Actually, I did hook up the solar panel to the batteries. It was such a butch moment, I had to go recover in the kitchen.

The water isn't quiet working, so Donald taunted Allan and I with hot showers, heat and unlimited wifi at his house. It wasn't easy but Allan and I stayed.

A million projects to do around this old house and not a single one can pry me from watching the tide come in right now. I'm looking for the eagle from last year that nests on the island across the way, to see if the baby loons from last year have stayed, to watch the kingfisher dive for fish.

I'm quite busy.

The kids and Jeanine are on their way. Except for Ben who gets to go with his best friend to Provincetown for the weekend.

It is beautiful here. So rich in so much.

Even if the hot showers aren't working.

American Idol

Straight from the baseball field- Zachary pitched and struck out a batter with two down, two on base- to watching American Idol.

A rare treat- dinner in front of the TV. I mean... it's American Idol, after all.

Can someone please explain the hat? Just freaky.

Bird Diplomacy

For the last few weeks, I have been watching a particular bird- a Robin- fight with himself. Over and over, I watch this bird fling himself into the window reflection- although not very hard- bounce off, flutter a way briefly, only to go for it again.

And again. And again.

I asked Jake to make a scary picture. He did.

The bird went to the other window.

I asked Jake to make two more.



Doesn’t matter. The bird still sits in the crook of the Japanese maple tree, takes aim, and boom.

I have a few observations about this bird. For one, the bird is stubborn. It refuses to “lose” to a superior foe. After about an hour of bouncing, he leaves for the day. Does he learn? Nope. The very next day, he comes back, and tries again.

Clearly, he is right. He will win this battle, a battle he is fighting the same way over and over again. It’s arrogant and without thought or examination.

The bird has no sense of its pattern and how it might actually bring danger to it. Its repeated attempts at being right have left behind oily stains on the windows not to mention a pile of bird poop under the maple tree. It is easy prey.

I have contemplated a slingshot. The PETA people can feel free to complain but the pile of poop is actually on my new deck and I’m sorry, a plain ol’ robin isn’t going to win over a brand new deck.

The oblivious disregard for it’s own safety because it is going to get that bird one-way or another, is probably linked to natural selection. You know the female robins are all saying, That dumb bastard is still slamming into that window.

We’re over here waiting to have some babies and he’s just doing the same damn stupid thing, over and over again.

Not to mention Jake’s pictures are fairly fierce.

It’s almost 3PM. Like clockwork, he’s back.

I’ve had more than one human male see the behavior and say, well, anything to get laid.

That’s not it. Not at all. It’s about stubborn arrogance. It’s about the inability to see past itself or to learn from repeated failure. It’s about hopeless dreams of conquest.

Reminds me of a lot of men I know.

It also makes me think of the Iraq war and the ridiculous rhetoric that is spoken about “winning” war that cannot be won and “stabilizing” a region that has been unstable since the dawn of time.

Just as fruitless and pointless as the bird that just did his first daily attack on the window.

Only the cost is so much higher.

Three More Weeks?

Jake is running around the house this morning, singing,

"THREE MORE WEEKS OF SCHOOL..."

That can't be right.

Who Are You, John McCain?

New Vice President

So my new Vice President, Beanie, is fine. I should be able to get her from the doggie hospital today.

Seems she had a doggie gastro-intestinal event. Kinda like a ulcer.

Seems my dog is as neurotic as I am.

The cat's addition has been harder on her than I realized. I thought maybe a promotion would make her feel better.

Thanks for all the concern.

Dog Emergency

Had to rush off this morning to take the dog to the doggie hospital. She was very sick last night and when let out this morning, she took off.

This is a dog who has been known to sit at the door for an hour waiting to be let in. She does NOT run off.

Not in much of a mood to write or post or do anything but worry about her today. They are running a bunch of tests and we'll see what's up. Hopefully, she just ate something bad.

Not like her to do that, either.

We'll see.

Now for Some Serious Business

The Celtics are playing tonight.

They lead 3-2 in the series.

This morning, my son Zachary asked me, Are you going to watch the Celtics tonight, mom?

Yup.

Are you going to be screaming at the TV?

Yup.

Tip off at 8:15pm. After Lebron James yelled at his mother "sit your ass down" the other night... well... I simply think he needs to sit HIS ass down.

You don't talk to your mother like that. Not on national TV. Not anywhere. Not even if you are the best basketball player- by far- in the NBA today.

Time to get ready to yell. Seems to be a theme this week.

A Few Clarifications

What a day yesterday was, with the ruling, the excitement before and after. There was a lot to digest with everyone claiming information- like CNN saying marriage equality was defeated- so I would like to clarify a couple points that I was briefed on today.

One is, yes, without question, out of state folks can go to California and get married. I am certain the addition of the largest state in the nation to the marriage equality issue the silly little 1913 Law in MA will go away fairly quietly in the night.

Second, a better opinion could not have been written. Every ridiculous, bogus retort about why marriage should stay a heterosexual privilege was responded to and completely dismissed. In fact, it declared there is a "fundamental right to marry."

This, folks, is huge.

Third, this is a California state law issue. It cannot be appealed to the US Supreme Court. Period. No question. It's not a gray area it is clear cut, nope, not going to happen, no.

Fourth, there is no stay on this decision, as there was on the Goodridge decision in Massachusetts. And while there is a reality of probably a 30 day period of preparing for the change, people will be getting married BEFORE the very likely ballot question in November.

Fifth- there is a ballot initiative to amend the constitution of California to ban "gay" marriage. It looks fairly certain that there will be enough signatures to be up for a vote in November.

Sixth, it's not gay marriage. It's marriage equality. I wish everyone would stop calling it gay marriage. That was a tool of the right to make it into some kind of special privilege. It's not. It's about equal access to the same rights.

What an amazing, historic day. I keep saying that, over and over again.

And lastly, I hope everyone can take a minute tomorrow on the fourth anniversary of the Goodridge decision to say thanks to the seven plaintiff couples who made history, who fought against many in our community who said it was the wrong thing at the wrong time and should never be done.

The team at GLAD knew it was time. We owe them our deepest appreciation.

Along with David Wilson and Robert Compton, Gloria Bailey and Linda Davies, Richard Linnell and Gary Chalmers, Maureen Brodoff and Ellen Wade, Gina Smith and Heidi Norton, Ed Balmelli and Michael Horgan and of course, Julie and Hillary Goodridge.

As Only the Young Can Truly Describe

California Supreme Court Declares, “YES TO MARRIAGE EQUALITY!”

Today the State’s supreme court decided the issue of who can get married in California. The answer is, everyone. Gay or straight, marriage is a right and there is no second-class status in their state.

I’m a proud resident of Massachusetts and I will never forget the day the court ruled in favor of the Goodridge Plaintiffs. I raised my fists up to the sky and felt powerful in a way that I had never felt before. I was equal. Discriminating against my right to marriage was unconstitutional. It was not acceptable in the eyes of the law.

As a lesbian, I have never felt protected by the law. When we went through the process of second parent adoption in Massachusetts for our three boys, each time I had a lump in my throat. The laws were created to keep people like me away.

No more.

California has taken the next step in the fight for equality. Without question. There are many more to take before LGBT people are seen as equals in the law, equals in this country on both state and federal levels.

And there will be backlash, threats of the end of the world. Funny thing is, we’re still all alive and breathing in Massachusetts. Heterosexuals are still getting married- and divorced- at the same rate as always. The biggest difference is a lot of kids, like mine, have their families protected.

Rights guaranteed.

Because it’s not about “gay marriage.” It’s about equal access to a legal institution that has been created to ensure committed couples are protected. It ensures the children of that couple are protected under the law. There have been thousands of legal precedents based on the institution of marriage that simply cannot be replicated by a new term, or new legal definition.

And no one is going to force any religious institution to embrace is because in our country, we have a separation of church and state. I know it doesn’t seem like we do, but in fact, that is required by our constitution.

Congratulations, California. Welcome to the increasing number of states that refuse to discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation.

It feels good, doesn’t it?

New National Gay Holiday

May 15th-May 17th.

May 15th for California, and of course, May 17th for Massachusetts.

I still can't breathe.

California Gets Marriage...

And It's Only the Beginning.

my piece just posted on Gaywired...

WE WON

HOLY SHIT WE WON...

I will say I was watching CNN and they reported we LOST.

Five Minutes Left

and I honestly can hardly breathe.

If we lose, we'll be fine. There are other states on the brink of marriage equality.

But if we win...

Tide is Changing

If the California Supreme Court rules in favor of allowing gay marriage, as is expected, do we all understand the magnitude of this decision?

Massachusetts set the precedent with Goodridge vs. the Department of Health. The first state in the country that allowed equal marriage rights. Because it's not so much about "gay marriage" now is it? It's about fair and equal access to rights.

If California rules in a similar fashion? It is no longer a single rouge state. It's a movement across the country.

I don't think marriage rights are the end all and be all of the LGBT civil rights movement. But it is a cornerstone. A key piece.

And funny thing? California doesn't have an antiquated law from 1913 that doesn't allow people from out of state to get married.

There will be no stopping the tide of change.

Ruling Tomorrow, 10AM on CA Marriage

Thursday in San Francisco, the ruling on a historic case...

"This case includes the following issue: Does California’s statutory ban on marriage
between two persons of the same sex violate the California Constitution by denying equal
protection of the laws on the basis of sexual orientation or sex, by infringing on the
fundamental right to marry, or by denying the right to privacy and freedom of expression?
Opinion(s) in the above case(s) will be filed on:
Thursday, May 15, 2008 at 10:00 a.m."

California Court to Rule on Marriage Equality

Ah, the rumor mill was turning, but I just received verification from Lambda Legal


"Lambda Legal is co-sponsoring two events in Los Angeles... first, a news
conference at noon with members of the legal team and community leaders at
the Village at Ed Gould Plaza, and second, a community gathering at 7:00 pm
at the intersection of San Vicente and Santa Monica Boulevards in West
Hollywood. Please spread the word!"

I am spreading the word!

Proud Exit

I have one hope for today. I hope that Clinton cleans up in West Virginia and Kentucky. I hope for this so she can gracefully exit, save some face, and bring an end to this primary race.

I still believe she is the better candidate. But as I've said before, it's time for her to leave. Obama needs to gather all the resources and energy now.

Obama versus McCain.

But if for one last day, to have a great showing, to end the nasty barbs flying through the media calling her, among many other things, racist- something so twisted out of context I can't stand it- to end on a high note.

I won't be watching the returns. It was bad enough watching the Celtics lose last night. I simply don't have it in me. I'm going to curl up with a good book, maybe watch the Red Sox if they are playing. Take a long, long swim.

Because it's over. Obama is our nominee.

I only hope for a proud exit for Clinton.

Questions for McCain

For Those Old Folks..

Anyone watching TV in the 70's will know exactly who these characters are.



All the rest of you? It's past your bedtime. Go to bed.

Almost

(sorry, missed my picture post yesterday!)

Mother's Day Picnic

The boys, with the help of their dads, made a beautiful mother's day picnic for us. Only once a year are you allowed to have a picnic in the Arnold Arboretum and that's Lilac Sunday. This year, Lilac Sunday and mother's day happily coincided.

Zachary chose the menu- sandwiches, chips, fruit, lemonade, cheese and crackers.

The sun was out and it was truly a beautiful day.

The Few, The Proud, The Convicted Felons

Today, I am on GayWired, with The Few, The Proud, The Convicted Felons, a piece that made me physically ill to write.

Please go read it.

Lawrence King Deserved To Die

While the defense lawyer in the Lawrence King shooting decided to take the most disgusting route possible- it was in fact, Larry’s fault for being open about himself and the school’s efforts to support him that got him killed.

I’m not surprised but it makes me sick.

The defense attorney, William Quest, said, “administrators were so intent on nurturing King as he explored his sexuality, allowing him to come to school wearing feminine makeup and accessories, that they downplayed the turmoil that his behavior was causing on campus.”

So when a group of people decides to pick on a single person- who did have the constitutional right, “under long-established case law,”to dress the way he did- it is the single person’s responsibility to change?

Silly me, I would have thought it was a teachable moment. An opportunity to learn. I know, crazy to think that might happen in a school.

What if Larry was Black and decided to wear afro-centric clothes in a racist town. Would it be up to him to change? Would we excuse his killer because, well, he should have known better than to do that? Or would we be outraged by the senseless killing of someone simply because they were different.

Lawrence King had the constitutional right to be dressed the way he chose to be dressed. Brandon McInerney had no constitutional right to bring a gun into school and deal with his “discomfort” over King.

In the meantime, at Brewster High School, Michael Loscalzo has begun to wear women’s clothes to school. He has been in therapy and is in the process of making the decision to transition to being a woman.

“Brewster Schools Superintendent Jane Sandbank reiterated that the district stresses respect and tolerance of all people.

"The school has been supportive of Michael and helping him work through his issues," Sandbank said. "Undergoing a sex change is a major choice for a young man to make. We would hope that the school would give appropriate guidance and ensure that he's not ridiculed or bullied."

Some of Loscalzo’s peers have been supportive. Some have not. Some organized an “Equality Protest.” Some have called him a freak.

I’m proud of Loscalzo, I’m proud of his mother who is scared but supports him, and I’m proud of his friends who rallied around him. He may transition and he may not. Sandbank is right. It is about tolerance and respect.

And I’m terrified the very tolerance and respect deserved may also get him killed.

Like Lawrence King.

Will we be blamed, again, for being out and proud? Because that’s what it boils down to, being unashamed and out of the closet. I don’t care if you are uncomfortable with my life. I will talk to you, try to inform you, share my experience so you can have a better understanding but if you don’t like it still? You have no right to shoot me.

Your fear is not an acceptable reason to shoot me.

Defense attorney Quark was right about one thing. There were rising tensions between the two boys. King had been bullied for a long time.

The crime was when McInerney’s when he pulled the trigger. He’s a kid. He believed it was okay to kill someone. He needs help. Quark’s defense only reinforces the belief that it’s okay to kill someone who is different.

It only says, Lawrence King deserved to die.

Enough... Please People

I have been a strong supporter for Senator Clinton.

And I do believe it is time for her to step aside.

If for no other reason than the appointment of judges to the Supreme Court, we simply have to win this election.

Not to mention my own very selfish reasons-my oldest son is 12. If McCain gets elected, we will still be at war in four years, and my guess is after cleaning out the prisons, and lifting DADT- in that order as 511 convicted felons were added to the military in 2007 while approx. 700 lesbian and gay service members were dimissed- we're going to have to have a draft.

I wish Clinton did better yesterday. She did not. I am, first and foremost, a finance person. Whether in my role as investment chair for two foundations I sit on the board of or from my time working at an investment firm, the first thing I look to is the bottom line.

We cannot afford this race. The absurd amounts of money pouring into it needs to stop.

She lost. Enough with the dirt and the mud and the accusations... I have waded through some horrible comments today abut Senator Obama. Please stop.

We all said we'd get together behind a single person when it was decided. I'm here. I'm not happy, but I'm here. Give me a couple days and I'll even smile.

But the reality? It's time.

Bigger Fish to Fry

Yes, I’m in a mood today. I hated the way the media covered last night- again, Clinton gets very different treatment. Exit polls are fine for North Carolina, but not Indiana.

Whatever. I give up. Hands in the air. It’s over.

Besides, I have bigger fish to fry.

My son, my twelve-year-old son, has a girlfriend. She asked him out, he said yes and the phone has not stopped ringing since.

My question to you all is… he wants to go out on a date with her. Go to the movies. I’m not sure if this is a group thing or not- I think it is but then something he said yesterday made me think it wasn’t.

I thought this middle school dating thing was that they asked to go out with someone, then they talked a lot on the phone and that was it. A few days later, they break up so they can ask someone else. I didn’t think they actually went and did anything together.

Like sit in a dark theater with no parents around, alone.

Okay, that sounds like a really really bad idea to me.

It's Time

You all know I am a die hard Clinton supporter. I was hoping for a close race in North Carolina and a blow out in Indiana.

No luck.

And now? It's time. It's time for Clinton to concede.

The fat lady is singing.

Let's get together people and win in November.

Anxiously Waiting

I can't even read the news online today. I've been pacing.

Went running.

Paced some more.

Went to the grocery store. I ended up with a lot of food, none of which really goes together or makes any sense. Hamburger with no buns. Red pepper, cucumbers but no lettuce.

Went to the wine store just to wander and look at wine. Circling the Rhone section, I couldn't have made a selection if you paid me to. I walked out empty handed.

The cat is on my desk. Literally. She's not amused. She has, however, sent several emails today with her treks across the keyboard.



If I start reading exit polls now, I'll only make myself crazy. Jake has a baseball game tonight. Ben and Zachary have their music lessons. Plenty to do.

It's been a long week and it's only Tuesday.

Clinton must win Indiana. And she needs a very strong showing in North Carolina. A loss by any sizable amount will be the end. My guess? We'll have no clearer a winner tomorrow than we do today. Obama will win NC buy 5%. Clinton will win IN by 5%. No clear mandate will be set.

We will go on to the next primary contest.

That's my guess. I might be wrong. It might all be over when the votes are counted tonight. There is some relief in that thought. Some. Not a lot. I'm rooting for the underdog, after all.

For now? I'm back to anxiously waiting.

Back To Reality

Reading NC and IN Polls

Clinton is up 5.8% in Indiana and Obama a mere 7.0% in NC.

They say cats help lower your blood pressure.

Buster Braves the Cold

Even Buster braved the cold drizzle yesterday to watch Jake and Zachary's baseball games.

After Bath Plea for TV

Jake knows which mom to try and use boo boo eyes on.

Just Be Angry

The school my son attends could not get it together to put out a notice to inform parents that he would be participating in a Day of Silence. He is sitting in his class today, with his sign on his chest, proud. Confident.

And a young lesbian woman was shot and killed in Florida.

“Another black gay youth has been gunned down in Fort Lauderdale. Shanesa Conaway, 22, was shot to death on April 26 during a domestic dispute between her partner, Shameca Davis and Kevin Cartwright, the father of Davis' two children.

Conaway and Davis had a commitment ceremony on Valentines this year and had been raising Davis's two children together. Witnesses and family members say that one of the big issues Cartwright had with Davis was her relationship with Conaway. Police are not investigating this as a hate crime, however, but as a domestic dispute.”

I wonder, did the school administration ever stop to think they teach about the civil rights movement of the sixties? Without a second thought, images of Blacks being bitten by dogs and hosed down by police are open for discussion. Do they not realize they teach, openly and passionately, about Martin Luther King, Jr., who was shot to death? A victim of a hate crime, the kind of hate crime my son Zachary is protesting today?

They can’t really say it’s ‘scary’ to talk about LGBT victims of crime. They teach about violence and war as a part of the approved curriculum. You know, the American Revolution, the Civil War… is that violence acceptable because it’s perceived as heterosexual?

No, the reality is anything LGBT is suddenly only about sexual behavior. Not a civil rights movement but sex. Not a human agenda but a sexual one.

They are wrong. It is about how we are treat each other as individuals. It is about bullying, name calling, and exclusion, all very real issues to kids. Tell Lawrence King LGBT hate didn’t come to school and shoot him in the head during first period English class.

And yes, I'm angry. I'm tired of being treated like a second class citizen. I'm tired of being the good little lesbian who comes into the school and doesn't ask for inclusive books to be added to the classroom, doesn't push the agenda to include LGBT issues, who waits to have permission slips sent home so no one is offended by my legally sanctioned relationship. I don't rock any boats so my children won't be isolated as the ones with the trouble-making parents.

My son is in school today, doing his protest. He is only ten. He doesn’t understand all the nuances, he certainly doesn’t understand why mentioning a movement that affects his parents requires a permission slip.

Shanesa Conaway is dead. Her partner Shameca Davis is recovering in the hospital from her gunshot wounds. Please don’t be surprised that not a single mainstream paper has written about this.

Just be angry.

Zachary's Day of Silence

The Day of Silence has begun. At this point, I think he's enjoying annoying his brothers.

I will not be talking to the class. Even though this was requested weeks ago, nothing was sent out, no permission slips done so Zachary is on his own. I'm angry that I cannot go stand with him and explain but I also think the best voice for this is his own.

Or his own silence.

The teachers will have to explain- or not. I asked Zachary why he was doing this last night as I tucked him in to bed.

He said, For all the gay and lesbian people who were killed just because they were gay or lesbian. It's just like what used to happen to Black people. They were treated different just because they were Black. It's stupid.

Ah, the wisdom of a ten year old. It is stupid.

I emailed the principal, the teachers, to explain I would not ask him to wait another week. He's ten after all. His enthusiasm should be applauded not put on hold for paperwork.

He would not have to have a permission slip to do a protest about the war. Or to explain his participating in the Walk for Hunger. In fact, the only thing that requires a permission slip is talking about gay people.

Right now, he's hunched over a book- The Big Nap- wearing his favorite New England Patriots Jersey, mismatching shorts, and a pair of slip on Vans. He has a sticker on his chest that reads:

DAY of SILENCE

Please understand my reasons for not speaking today. I am participating in the Day of Silence (DOS), a national youth movement bringing attention to the silence faced by lesbian and gay people and their allies. My deliberate silence echoes that silence, which is caused by bullying, name-calling and harassment.

I believe the ending the silence is the first step toward building awareness and making a commitment to address these injustices. Think about the voices you are not hearing today.

What are you doing to do to end the Silence?

I know what Zachary is doing.

The Supreme Court

As we wonder about whether or not Obama's charisma is running out, or if Clinton can in fact win regardless of how much ground she is making up right now, I want to remind everyone of something bigger than Obama or Clinton.

The Supreme Court.

If McCain wins this election? The Supreme Court will be stacked with Roberts and Alito clones and we will lose the court for the rest of my lifetime.

I plan on living a long life, too.


When I think about that, I'm not sure I need to be right anymore, about Senator Clinton. When I think about that, I get really frightened for my children.

John Paul Stevens is 88 years old. Ruth Ginsburg 75 and already a one time cancer survivor. How much longer can they hang on?

The war in Iraq needs to end. The economy needs to be sent for emergency surgery. Health care, public education, jobs- the list goes on and on. We are in such a mess after 8 years of Bush, it's hard to know where to begin.

I honestly don't care about Reverend Wright and what he said. I think Clinton's gas tax relief is a lame attempt to garner votes.

The bitter campaign has to stop. The Obamatrons and the Clintonistas have to give it a rest, and yes, I am including myself in that.

Because in the not so distant future? The next president of the United States will be appointing at least one, if not several, new justices to the supreme court.

We should all be afraid, very afraid, of McCain's probable appointments.